Utterly humiliating.
Rid’s not supposed to have any contact with me.
Utterly crushing.
Upstairs in my room, once the reality catches up with me, I cry like a punk. I melt down like a Ridley meltdown. If that woman was in front of me now, I’d be going back to jail on capital murder having wrung her neck.
She’s trying to ruin me, I could spend the rest of my life as a registered sex offender and not be allowed any contact with Rid. I could spend the next couple decades in prison. But almost worse, the way she made Rid feel at my arrest.
God his face.
The crushing, crushing sadness and betrayal written all over his face. All of it’s too much. I couldn’t stop the tears if I tried.
My mom pushes open the door and comes in, closing it behind her.
“What the hell is her problem?” I yell through my tears. “All we did was fall in love. That’s it. That’s it Mom.”
“I know, sweetheart,” mom says back. Slowly, very slowly probably because I’m acting like a wounded animal with my freak-out, she makes her way over to my bed where I’ve crumpled onto the bedding.
She holds me, holds me in a fierce hug. “Apparently after you two left, she went up and searched his room. She found the condoms and a lubricant and uh…” Her cheeks turn pink. “Sometoys.”
“Dammit.”
“I applaud you both. Not exactly an activity you want to rush into without some prep first. Not if it’s the first time.”
“Mom.” I yell again. “Are we really gonna talk about thisnow?”
“Yes, well. It’s just a really big step.”
“Yeah, it is. A big step Ridley initiated. I didn’t force him into anything. And how can she call her own son mentally incompetent? He’s more competent than most people I know.”
“We’ve already spoken with John Hammis.”
“Is that John the therapist?”
“Mm-hmm. He’s willing to talk to whomever he needs to talk to, to let them know Ridley is very capable of making these decisions on his own. My friend Nancy, from work, is going in to talk about homosexuality in autism. I can’t do it because you’re my son. And from what John says, Ridley has already scheduled an examination by the court appointed psychiatrist to test his mental capability.”
“He’ll pass.”
“I know he will, sweetheart. I’ve been around him. He’s a smart, capable man. We’ll get these charges dismissed.”
“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you and Dad. Bet you aren’t so proud now that the whole world knows you’ve got a gaypervertfor a son.” I push out of her arms to turn away.
“Hey. Turn back around now.” Mom hasn’t spoken to me in that tone in probably years. So I roll back over. “We are still very proud of you. Even if you’re being a bit drama. The whole world, really Leif?”
“But—”
“Screw buts.”
“Already do.” I didn’t mean to say that to my mother. Never to my mother, it just popped out. But my unfazeable mom, she pauses any further words, blinks twice and throws her head back laughing. And she continues to laugh as she hugs me, using the sleeve of my T-shirt to wipe the laugh tears from her eyes. Somehow I feel better. The woman is a bonafide miracle worker.
Morphing her face back to practical mom, she settles and kisses the top of my head. “We’ll get through this.”
“Rid’s birthday is in two weeks. He’s going to be twenty. What if I can’t celebrate his birthday with him? Twenty birthdays he’s never celebrated one that wasn’t just him and his mom. Amanda and I were going to take him out. I love the guy and can’t celebrate his birthday with him? His bitch of a mother ruins everything.”
She doesn’t answer. How could she answer when an answer doesn’t exist? What she does, pushes up from my bed and squeeze my shoulder a brief squeeze. “Dinner will be ready in an hour.” My mom leaves me to my thoughts again.
Sure enough, at the tail end of the hour we’re all summoned to the table by my dad standing at the foot of the stairs yelling, “Dinner.”