Page 6 of Summer of the Boy

“Come on.” Mom brakes from the hug to tug me to the kitchen table. “Sit.” I sit, sliding the juice jug far enough up the table to keep from spilling with flailing arms, in case the rest of this talk doesn’t go my way. She sits down right next to me and turns her whole body in the chair, taking my slightly trembling hand in her warm ones. “You’ve been avoiding us.”

My mouth gapes.

“What? Did you think I didn’t know?” She asks, with a soft chuckle to her voice. Something I hadn’t realized until right now, how much I’d missed. “You thought I didn’t know,” she murmurs to herself. “Just like you thought I didn’t know about you being gay.”

Now my mouth doesn’t just gape, because I’m too busy choking and coughing on my saliva. “What?”

“Honey. I saw how you acted around Amanda.”

“Yeah, normal.”

“I could see it in your eyes. Your heart just wasn’t in it. I also saw how you looked at that douche Gabe Cera when you thought no one was looking.”

My choking cough turns to an out and out laugh. “Mom, you called him a douche.”

“He is a douche.”

“Well yeah, he is. I’ve just never heard you call anyone that before.”

“Thing is, I saw how he looked at you when he thought no one was looking. Something happened between the two of you, you don’t have to tell me about it if you’re uncomfortable. But I know it did. I also know he is not remotely ready to face who he is yet.”

“Ain’t that the truth?”

“Your dad and I just want you to know we are incredibly proud of you. For your achievements but also because you’ve been a blessing to have as a son. I know all this has to be hard for you, but that’s why you need to lean on your family. It’s what we’re here for. To lean on. I want you to live your life how it makes you happy. I want you to bring a boyfriend around the same as you brought Amanda. We love you, you lunk-head.”

“I missed you too, Mom.”

So far my mother called me a lunk-head and used the word douche. I don’t know this woman. It’s becoming clear she’s definitely one I want to.

“So did you meet anyone special? You’ve been gone almost a year.”

“Do you really want to hear this?”

“Yes. I want to be in my son’s life. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me. So spill.”

Okay. Here goes nothing. “I dated a guy at school for about five months. We broke up because I figured out he was kind of a jerk. Been single since then.”

“You being safe?”

“Mom.” This, right here, is the kind of stuff my mother should not be asking about. I tell her yes and I’ll have to sit through watching the wheels in her head moving behind her eyes, as she tries to discern without asking, whether her son was topping or bottoming, or maybe a little of both. Jokes on her, neither so far. But that still doesn’t mean she needs to know.

“Nothing I wouldn’t ask any of my children no matter who they’d been dating.” She defends herself.

Fair enough.

“Yes, Mom. Not that you need to know, but I haven’t taken it…thereyet.”

I thought she’d squirm. Look uncomfortable. I think I was trying for it, to shock her. To prove she doesn’t really want to know this stuff about her gay son. Nope. My mom continues to sit smiling at me. Excited I’m finally opening up to her.

Settling back, and finally feeling as if the woman sitting next to me really does understand, the words sort of spill. As more of my past year tumbles from my mouth, I have to admit it feels good to get it all off my chest. I tell her about Ridley. Not who he is. At first, I tell her I’m not ready to tell her until I know where it’s leading. But then I spill about the carnival, about him being bullied. About it being Gabe who bullied. And I tell her about him being autistic.

“It won’t be easy. Dating someone with a disability.”

“He’s sweet and there’s just something about him. But who said anything about dating?” I counter. She, of course, pins me with her,please, stare. “His mom is awful, though. Even if we decided to, I’m not sure she’d let him. It’s confusing.”

“Sometimes parents have a hard time letting go. Especially when the child has special needs.”

“Yeah, I get that, but Mom, she told him when he came out to her that it was just his autism.” Mom, rightly so, looks outraged. “Told him flat out autistics couldn’t be gay.”

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