Page 56 of My Fearless Fake Fling

He scooped up the ants first and dumped a pile on his plate. Plantains, greens, grubs, a whole spider, and lastly, he tore off a strip of bread. The ants and greens he layered on the bread, which he folded over to make a kind of sandwich. Then he took a big bite.

He chewed.

He swallowed.

He didn’t get sick.

Actually, he went back for a second bite right away.

“Okay, I’ll try that,” I said.

Before I could chicken out, he handed over his last bite. I put the whole thing in my mouth because it wasn’t that big. The greens tasted slightly bitter, as greens tended to do. The bread tasted like bread. There was a crunch like eating the crispies from a chocolate covered crunch bar from the ants, and then the oddest sensation. I tasted lemon. Lemon and greens always went together.

“Wow,” I said around the mouthful of food. “That’s…unexpected.”

“Right? Would you like more?”

I shook my headyes, so Len piled ants, greens, plantains, and bread on my plate. I hadn’t even gotten to the plantains yet.

“Ready to try the grubs yet?” he asked.

“Are you?”

He picked a fat one up and plucked it in his mouth. I watched closely for wincing or cringing as he chewed. He gave no negative responses, so I picked one up, too.

“Here goes nothing,” I said, then bit the sucker in half. It didn’t squirt like I expected. The insides, having been sautéed in the bacon fat, were solid, and pretty much all I tasted was bacon. I didn’t enjoy them—it was a texture thing—as much as the ants, but I didn’t hate them either.

Finally, we made it to the big show. The spider he dropped on my plate. I couldn’t watch myself eat it, so I closed my eyes. It crunched, audibly. With my eyes closed, I would have sworn in a court of law that he’d switched out the spider for crab.

That’s exactly what it tasted like. Crab.

Upon opening my eyes, I still held a tarantula. Who would’ve thunk? Tarantulas tasted like crab. Len captured me devouring every bite on camera to post for my followers.

“You have to try this,” I said to him, taking another bite without being prodded into it. Pretty much the only thing I didn’t go back for was the grubs. I left those to Len.

What does one get to follow up a dinner of insects?

Frozen yogurt.

He took me to his favorite frozen yogurt shop afterward. We built our sundaes and went for a stroll outside. The balmy night made for a wonderful backdrop, with the man whom I loved at my side.

“Can you even believe that things we did today?” I postulated.

“Absolutely. I knew you had it in you, Kam. You’re my fearless girl now. Unstoppable.”

“You think?”

“What I think is that you’re ready.”

I shoveled another spoonful of cheesecake frozen yogurt and a fat blackberry into my mouth. “Ready?”

“Jump with me. Tomorrow. I’ll be next to you the whole time. What do you say?”

“Seriously, do you really think I’m ready?”

“I’ve never met a woman readier to take that plunge. C’mon, baby. Say you’ll do it.”

I thought about it for all of a minute. “Okay, you’re right. I’ll do it.”

For my reward, I got Len kisses. Lots and lots of Len kisses. Yes, in public. It wasn’t like he shoved his tongue down my throat.

That would come later.

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