Page 77 of The Significance of Moving On

“What does that even mean? I gave you my virginity, for Christ’s sake. What else could I do to prove that I’m real?”

“You knew how I felt about that word. The lies and sorrow it brings. Love doesn’t exist. It’s a betrayal. A setup to catch some fool off guard in order to ruin the rest of his fucking life.”

“God dammit, Case. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Demetrius gets right up in my face.

“Is it? Because Luke used to say ‘love you little brother’ and that was the biggest lie ever told. You know what really happened that day?” I move back from him, balling my fists at my sides to keep from throwing a punch at the man.

This dirty laundry shouldn’t be washed on a client’s front lawn, but I’m unable to stop the words from finally spilling free. “He wouldn’t talk to me. A whole day and he wouldn’t come out of the room or let me in. Finally, I saw the door halfway open and I tried to get in. He yelled at me from inside, told me to leave him the fuck alone.” I throw my hand out at ‘leave him the fuck alone’. “I left, slamming the door shut behind me. That’s when I heard the grunts, then the gurgling. I tried… I tried to get the door open, but his body blocked it.”

“Case.” Tally steps with her hand stretched out. She bought this. They all bought this; they’re going to get it.

“No. Don’t you dare, Tal.” The dam is about to break. I feel it as I stand in the face-off pointing my finger accusingly at all of them. “It’s about time you all know. When I finally got the door open, he was lying with a belt tight around his neck. His body was ashen and his face was deep purple. Just like I told you, he didn’t commit suicide, I killed him. I killed my brother.”

“Casey, that wasn’t your fault. He had the belt around his neck.” Tally cries silently as her tears spill down over delicate cheeks.

“Exactly,” I shout.

Both women take a step back from my outburst.

Seeing their fear, I close my eyes to attempt calm and reign my temper back in. “That’s how I know love’s a lie. He set it up for me to be the one.”

As the four of us continue the stare down, a police cruiser rolls to a stop next to my company truck effectively shutting down the standoff. The uniformed officer approaches us slowly.

“Is everything okay here?” he asks.

“Yes,” we all answer too quickly.

“The homeowner called in a disturbance.”

“No. I was just leaving,” I tell him.

“Then you best get to it. You three,” he turns to D, Tal, and Kelsey, “need to stay put until he’s gone.”

He gave me my out and he doesn’t even know it. Without looking back, because their judgments just aren’t something I can handle right now, I peel off in the company truck.

That evening my phone rings and Tally’s name lights up the screen face. After the scene earlier I answer the call while lying almost naked across the stale-smelling motel quilt in just a towel, having just stepped out of the shower. My insides feel even barer than my outsides listening to her breathe.

“Your brother messed with your head. But that’s on you because Ineverlied. Love exists. It’s real and god knows why after how you’ve treated me, but I still love you.”

No. My whole life is proof of why love is nothing but a fairytale. She pauses waiting for an answer but whatever she’s waiting for won’t form, and all she gets is my breathing—faint, shallow breathing.

“You know what, Casey? I never let you down, but you’ve letmedown. You won’t be hearing from me again.” Then the line disconnects.

I got what I wanted, didn’t I?

“Shit.” I pound on the bed several times. Punching and punching, tiring myself out, remembering with clarity the day I stopped her from leaving me. My Tal, she told me the universe wanted her to be alone. But it’s not her, it’s me. And the universe isn’t to blame this time, no, this time it’s Luke and… and me.

Three more days go by with Tally’s words haunting me. I’ve woken up every night from the nightmares. Only this time it’s not Luke I see, it’s Tally and the hurt on her face when she confronted me. The sound of her voice when she told me I let her down. She’s right. I did. I let her down. The one thing I never wanted to do, and I did it anyway.

The beer in my hand tastes like warm piss, that along with the greasy pizza, makes my stomach twist. Pizza every night. This isn’t the life I want. I had the life I want, and I just threw it away.

My damn brother messed me up. The longer I sit here staring at the pepperoni, the more my life finally starts to come into focus. What a mess I’ve made of it. Through all the crap we had to wade into, she and I waded to each other. Maybe love exists, maybe it doesn’t, but Tally and I felt something and it was real.

Man, I messed up this time. The best, brightest spot in my life and I fucking sent her away. Why can’t I get out of my head enough to embrace what she’s offering? I need to get out of my own head.

Summer

Chantal

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