Page 2 of D.I.E.T. (Did I Eat That?)

“He proposed at the summit of Mt. Everest? Shoot, Kams—I think you found the one perfect straight man in the world.”

“He’s definitely a keeper, but I’m sure he’s not the only one… and you’re deflecting.”

I pulled up a search engine on my phone to look up Cape Horn Island. “It says on the website that there are only seven cruise ships capable of disembarking at Cape Horn Island and Albatross Monument—a monument dedicated to thethousandsof sailors who died on a voyage through tides so hazardous, even some modern ships aren’t able to maneuver close enough to make land, btw—and once on shore, you’re met withone hundred sixty-twoocean-sprayed steps, but that’s not even the worst part. Oh no…” I took in a breath to continue. “That comes up when the stairs level off to a slippery, wooden path that leads you through a tundra of relentless drizzly-misty squalls, strong enough to blast you off into the frigid, soggy land on either side.”

“Okay… but you said it yourself, it’s only a hundred and sixty-two steps. You can handle that,” she said, and I hoped she picked up onthe handI mentally put up. “Please, Geet,” she softly spoke. “I need you.”

Crap.Kami was basically my sister from another mister. I wanted to be there for her. God help me… I sighed and said defeatedly, “Yeah, whenever it is, I’ll be there.”

She squealed. Squealed so loud I had to mute her for a second. When I unmuted her she was already talking again. “…won’t be sorry. This is the best news,the best.” Then she stopped talking to me to shout, “Len, she’s coming.”

Despite my apprehension, making one of my best friends this happy was worth whatever I had to do to be able to tackle Cape Horn.

“I have to go now, Geet. We’re getting ready to make land.”

“Wait—when is it?” I asked.

“Six weeks. February fourteenth.” Now if she were here, standing in front of me, I’d give her crap over planning a cringeworthy Valentine wedding, but more importantly,was she crazy?

“You want us to meet at the bottom of the world inFebruary? You want us to die?” I yelled.

“Girl, it’s summer down here. You think I’d do that to you?”

“Oh—I knew that.”

“Yeah you did,” she said, laughing at me. Jeez, I missed her. “Summer doesn’t necessarily mean warm, though. I’ll send the itinerary… but now I really have to go. Love ya, Geet. Can’t wait to see you.”

“Samesies, babe. Bye.” The moment she hung up my heart sank. Her life was moving at warp speed and I loved my job, loved working with Dion, but I wasn’t getting any younger. Only five more years until I hit the big 3-0, and everybody knew it was all downhill after the big 3-0.

The car in front of me moved up a spot, which allowed me to take my turn at the speaker, rolling down my window to the gust of super chilled air. “Go ahead withyour order when you’re ready,” the Happy Burger worker said.

“Yeah, I’ll have the number thirteen double olive super burger with cheese. Medium fry, but can I upsize to a large mocha?”

“You can do that. Does everything look correct on the screen?”

“Absolutely,” I chirped.

She gave me my total and I moved up to the window to get my food. On the way home, I passed a giant billboard. Super Fitness. The Jerk-free Gym.

Right… jerk-free. I shook my head at the stupid advertisement and clicked my blinker to turn into my complex. Home again, home again… jiggity-jog.

The snow started falling again hot and heavy, well, technically cold and heavy, but that wasn’t the saying now, was it? It started falling about two miles back and at this rate, we were destined to be snowed in completely by roughly midnight. Good thing I went grocery shopping yesterday just in case the snowpocalypse kept me from venturing out my front door tomorrow.

With my arm raised to shield my face, my food bag and I braved the wind whipping gale-force at us, attempting to push me backward one step for every two that I took until the brick building blocked me enough to get my key in the front door.

I hung my keys up on the hook next to the door, looped my purse around my neck, and held my mocha by biting down on the lip of the plastic lid in order to shrug out of my coat. I switched the bag between hands to slip my arms out, then hung the coat up on the hook meant for keys. The hard plastic bowed under the weight of the heavy material. My guess, I had probably three more chances of hanging my coat there before the whole hook came down.

It took several tries to toe off each clunky, ugly-yet-utilitarian boot. They might have been ugly, but they were warm, lined with faux wool. Purse still around my neck, I grabbed the mocha and trudged into the living room, setting the bag and cup down on the coffee table.

Before sitting down, I walked into my bedroom to change into my warmest pajamas. An Eeyore onesie that Dion and Henri had gotten me for Christmas. I loved it, snugglier than anything I’d ever worn. It even had an Eeyore hood and tail to swish.

Now my sofa and dinner called to me. I walked out of my room, plopped down on my sofa, pulled the throw from the back to drape over me, tucked my legs up underneath me and unbagged my burger and fries. But before getting down to the business of eating, I used the remote to flick on the TV, clicked on ‘continue watching’Homicide Hunterand flipped open my laptop, powering it up. I thought about firing up my kindle but even as much as I loved to read, tonight I needed to research.

If Kami expected me to trek to the top of Albatross Monument to see her say her “I do,” then I needed to know exactly, down to the letter, what was expected of me. Chile. Of all the places I could’ve imagined popping my international travel cherry, Chile would not have topped that list. Yet here I was, listening to Joe Kenda narrate his old cases while researching hotels.

Oh, they had a four star with unbelievable views. An infinity pool that looked like it dropped off into the ocean and a spa.That would be a change.I snickered to myself. But most of the tourist attractions involved some form of torture—by which I meant climbing. Cliffs, steps—if they could use it to steal the breath from my lungs, it appeared they made it available. Joy.

I picked up my olive burger and took a big bite, chewing on the meat and my problem some more. As I swallowed, I realized the enormity of my problem. Len, Kami, the Lowensteins, and the like would reach the top while I remained stuck no higher than the tenth step, clutching my chest and heaving my dying breaths.

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