Page 16 of Always Be My Baby

“Right this way, ladies,” the salesman said, turning to walk to a particular shelving unit that actually had a purple and pink cardboard treasure chest with red lip prints printed all over it on display. He picked up one of the chests, handing it over to me. “You get to fill the treasure chest for one price.”

“Um… thank you.” I thought he’d leave. He didn’t leave. He stood there watching me. Could anyone sayuncomfortable?

The first thing I picked up kind of reminded me of a giant transparent pink pacifier. “The Mega O Multiple Intensity Vibrating Penis Ring?” I asked. Lena bit back her snicker.

“With clitoral stimulation.” He helpfully pointed to a paler pink raised nub.

I read the packaging. “He, uh… He doesn’t have a problem getting or maintaining—”

“Makes him even harder,” the salesman said, cutting me off to helpfully supply. “One of our bestsellers. Use one myself. Trust me, it’ll rock your world.”

My best friend ripped it from my hand and tossed it in the chest. “Next,” she said.

“Lena…” I argued.

She, of course, ignored me. “She’s looking to make things saucier for Valentine’s day.”

He clapped his hands then rubbed them together in that way excited salesmen who were about to make a big sale were wont to do. “I’ve got just the thing for you.” Then he proceeded to pick up another pink toy. It looked like a bunny. “This is another one of our bestsellers. The Multi-Speed Rabbit Vibrator.”

“It’s got cute little bunny ears,” I said, smiling.

“Those bunny ears’ll make your eyes roll back in your head,” he answered.

“Why would I need this if I have Girard?”

To answer my question, instead of using words, he picked up this clear plastic bottle, plunking it in my hands, and I thought I was about to have a heart attack when I read the bottle. “Forbidden Love Anal Lubricant?”

“Medium numbing agent so it doesn’t hurt but you still feel sensation,” he said, winking.

I choked on my saliva.

“You’re so getting that,” Lena excitedly stated. Before she threw it into the chest, she read off the tagline on the label. “Never battle with butt play again!Oh my god, Lee—this is fantastic!”

I probably looked like one of those cartoon characters with their eyes popping out of their sockets. And I knew my cheeks had to be bright red because I felt like I was dying of scarlet fever, they grew so hot.

“Calm down, girl. You’re as red as a tomato. Haven’t you ever—”

“No,” I whispered, clenching my teeth again while covering her mouth with my hand.

She had the nerve to laugh at me and singsonged, “No time like the present.” Then she pulled the chest from my hands, dropped two more items in the box, closed the lid and handed it off to the salesman. “Ring her up, my good man.”

The salesman walked the bounty over to the cash register. I paid the one hundred dollars, which, given the individual retail prices of the products in question, was a great deal. And since we had no other reason to linger, I dragged her by the arm right the hell out of there.

“Enjoy your evening,” the salesman called after us. “Using these products, I don’t have to tell you tocomeagain… It’s a given.”

Lena kept right on laughing at me. “I liked him. He was fun.”

“No. He wasnotfun. I can’t believe you brought me there—even worse, I can’t believe I stayed.” Checking to make sure no one saw me walking out of the shop, I quickly stuffed the bag inside my coat like I’d shoplifted because I didn’t want anyone to see me carrying a bag that read,Coochie, Coochieon it.

The frosty weather had nothing to do with how fast I slid inside her car. Lena refused to stop laughing at me. After buckling up, I ruefully opened the bag and then the treasure chest to see what those last two items Lena had thrown in were.

I gasped and squeaked at the same time. “Always Obey Blindfold? Bondage for Beginners?” My voice went up. “Whatis wrongwith you?”

“Not a damn thing. And when you’re done playing out your Fifty Shades of Girard, you won’t think so, either. I’ll say it in advance. You’re welcome.”

“I can’t give Girard Bondage for Beginners.”

“Why? Is he advanced?”

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