Page 63 of Devil's Due: Sarge

“You okay?”

“Do Ilookokay?” Rather than answer, the kid fills the glass all the way to the brim and slides it across the bar top, some of the liquid sloshing over the side of the glass. It’s too much for me to slam all at once, but I give it the college try, slamming half, gulping it down along with air, then go back in for the second half. “Another,” I cough out.

He fills a second glass for me. This one I decide not to slam, bringing it back to my room with me. I’m proud of myself for how I handled Patrick. Although, I pressed my thumb into his open bullet wound. It was squishy and gross, and the me of even six months ago would’ve never had it in her. But the thing that has me so shaken up is finding out where my friends were sent, and finding out that Patrick was involved.

I haven’t felt so alone in months. The tears prickling the back of my eyes cause me to walk swiftly back to my room in hopes of keeping any of the brothers from seeing me cry.

The second drink is half-gone by the time I slam the glass down on the bedside table a little harder than I meant to.

Sarge and I, we were building a house, a home together, and I find out today it doesn’t mean shit. I mean, my god, if my mother, the woman who’d given birth to me, chose money over me, and the men who’ve known me, lived with me in one way or another since I was eleven years old, were willing to sell me for money… I swipe at my eyes. What are the chances that Sarge will want to keep me around once he no longer feels obligated to protect me?

Why is it so hard to love me?

“Baby?” I hear. Great. Just great. Sarge.

I wipe at my eyes again, forcing a fake smile before looking over to him. He’s at me in three steps, dropping down to his knees, putting us at eye level.

“What’s wrong?”

Laughing humorlessly, I answer, “Nothing.”

“Don’t. What’s wrong?” He demands an answer by gripping my arms not hard, but not gently, and giving me a brief shake.

“Fine.” I fling my hand out flippantly. “It’s not nothing.”

Through narrowed eyes and a hardened jaw, he stares me down, waiting out my answer instead of talking.

I used to be the queen of the staring contest, but the fact of the matter is today I simply hurt too much. My broken heart. My shattered soul. “I just realized that I’m unlovable.”

“The fuck?” he asks. Wrapping an arm around me, he lifts me up, then moves to sit in the spot I’d just been, pulling me onto his lap.

“My mother chose money over me.Money.” I sniff, wiping at my nose. “My family sold me. Who does that? Did we always get along?No. But tosellme, Sarge?”

“I’m so sorry, baby. I wish it could be different.”

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which fills up first—isn’t that the saying?”

He laughs softly. I wish I could.

“It’s just really hard to… to realize that I’m completely alone in the world.”

I feel his breath leave him like he’s been punched in the gut. I hear the gasp. “Youaren’talone. You’ve got me, Nic, Vlad—the whole damn club is your family now.”

“I don’t have anyone, not really. Vlad and Nic are starting their life together. The longer they’re together, they have kids, I’ll have less of a place in their lives. It’s the way of things.”

“You’ve got me. Don’t I count?”

“You?I only have you until you no longer feel obligated to protect me.” I stand, taking a few steps back from him because I can’t be sitting when we do this. He doesn’t reach for me, either. “You’re still in love with your wife and we both know it.”

“The fuck are you talking about?” His face appears gutted; the look makes me cry harder.

“That first night in Oklahoma, after we made love, you fell asleep.” I suck in a breath, sniffling. Another thing to cry about, how gross I look in front of the best man, the most beautiful man I’ve ever known. “Sarge—you called out her name. You like me now, feel the need to protect me because that’s the kind of man you are, but we both know I’ll never be her. I’ll never mean to you what she did. So yeah—I’m alone.” My shoulders fall in defeat.

One second I’m standing, the next, I’m flying across the room to land softly in the bed with Sarge’s large, imposing, hard body covering me. I squeeze my eyes shut. He’s too close. It’s overwhelming. His warmth. His smell. His hot breath. The carnal way I feel when he’s this close.

“Look at me,” he demands. It’s not an angry tone, but strong, determined. It’s enough of a change to get me to do exactly as commanded. Those big eyes search my face. “Listen good, woman. You’ll never be her, that’s true. Because you can’t be. You’re you. I’m sorry you heard me call her name, but it’s natural that I’d think about her on the night that I realized I’d fallen in love with another woman. The first since she died.”

My mouth falls open and I’m unable to stop blinking like an idiot.

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