Page 2 of Blade

By going far away from him and telling him not to follow.Demanding that he never speak to me again.

It was the only way I could save him from my family’s retribution.They didn’t kill him the first time, but they would the next.I’d dishonored them too much.

And I betrayed the love of my life and all my friends.

I don’t deserve forgiveness.I don’t deserve to live.

But here I am anyway.

1

Blade

Angel is avenged.It’s finished.Rogue Angels MC, of which I am the Vice President, came to exist from our feverish desire to find the psycho serial killer called Ghost who took her from us and kill him.After ten years of trying, we have now done that.It doesn’t feel as good, as satisfying, as fulfilling as I had hoped it would.

Rogue Angels MC got its name from our quest to get justice for Angel, but in the years of trying to do that, we’ve become more than just a vengeance seeking MC.Or not.Depending on how you look at it.We’re in the business of hunting down criminals that no one else is going after, be it due to lack of leads or the criminals’ connections in high places.Every member of the MC also has a backstory that involves a criminal that got away.Sometimes we’re lucky enough to hunt one of those down too.

Ghost is just one of many that we’ve hunted down.

He didn’t die well.He died screaming just as Angel did.

I wanted that to feel good.Or better than it does.

And as much as I hate to admit it, I think I know why.

For me, avenging Angel has always been tied to getting Bella back.She is mythe one.I’d gladly have laid down my life for her and almost did.Ghost had abducted her too, but we saved her.She left me anyway.And she’s been gone for ten years.

Gone in the flesh but not gone from my thoughts.For years now, I’ve been telling myself I’m finally totally and completely over her.But she’s been constantly on my mind ever since we watched the psycho’s hut burn in the desert, with his screams echoing in the growing darkness and rising cold.

A vision of her visited me in the hospital after I took several bullets for my MC.She stood by my side as I floated in the air, watching as the emergency room doctors worked on my naked, bleeding body.She held my hand.As softly and warmly as only she can.

She didn’t say anything.She never does when she comes to me like that.Just smiles, her presence filling the whole room.

The last thing she said to me was, “Don’t come looking for me.It’s over.”

I didn’t want to hear that and so I didn’t want to hear anything else from her either.That’s why she’s always silent in my visions and dreams.And probably why she’s always on my mind.

Even my favorite philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre went soft when speaking about love."In love, one and one are one,” he said.

As hard as I tried to fight it over the years, it’s remained largely true for Bella and me.At least as far as I’m concerned.I have no idea how she feels.I’ve honored her wishes.I stayed away from her.

JP also said, “Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance.”

And of course, “Hell is other people.”

I agree with all that too.

As I floated there in the emergency room, watching myself dying, I wondered if I was already in hell.And if my version of it included Bella by my side, silent forever.Touching me softly but never giving me more than that while I could feel her everywhere.It would make sense as far as that being pure hell is concerned.

“What’s our budget like for traveling these days?”I ask loudly, my deep voice echoing in the nearly empty clubhouse bar.

Rogue, our MC president and my best friend, looks up from some file he’s been reading, the unfocused look in his eyes suggesting he didn’t even know I was here.

“Where you thinking of going?”Creed asks, glancing at me over the edge of his newspaper.His inherited millions are the main money source for the MC, and he holds the purse strings very tight.

“New York City,” I announce.

Now Creed looks confused, but Rogue knows exactly what I’m talking about.He’s clearly been keeping tabs on Bella’s whereabouts too.

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