Page 61 of Grulen

“Couch, please.”

He sat on the furniture with her still in his embrace.She sighed.Long moments passed.Her eyes downcast and cheeks pink, she drew back.

“I’m so embarrassed.You can go now, Stalad.I’ll be fine.”

“You do not need to be embarrassed.If you wish me to leave, I will, but not until I call whomever you want to take my place.Lezon said you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I don’t need anyone.”

“Morgan…” His tail tugged on her wrist.“It’s either me or someone else.”

“So I don’t get to say no?”Anger grew in her voice.

“This is about your safety.Your emotional state can worsen if you are left to your own devices right now.None of us want you to suffer more than necessary to get through this.”He lifted his hands from her body.“I don’t have to touch you to keep you company.Your body remains your own.”I want to be here for her, but I won’t push her.

Her shoulders fell.

“I’m sorry.You’re trying to help and I’m being pissy.”

His brows came together as he tried to understand the word ‘pissy’ from her context.

“You are entitled to feel how you feel,ciebala.”His voice softened.“It seems you have unresolved emotions from your captivity.”

Water clouded her blue eyes making them shimmer in the low light.

“Oh, I know exactly how I feel about it all.I just wasn’t expecting those feelings to overwhelm me unexpectedly like they did.”She rubbed at her eyes.“It felt like a freight train hit me and the impact took my ability to breathe, hear, or see.My physical reaction scared me and made it worse.”

“Does this happen often?”

She pulled the remainder of her hair from her disheveled ponytail and combed her fingers through the tangles.Her scent settled into her usual pleasant one.When she leaned back into him, his arms rose to hold her.

“No.I’ve never had an episode like this.Not long after I arrived on Costonia, I experienced smaller ones where I froze in panic.I worked with a mind healer for a while and the panic attacks went away.After the Wing Raiders rescued me from the Zuvgran, I spent most of the first twolunarsrecuperating from the residual effects from the experiments.By the time I felt better, I also felt safe with everyone here.”

“This is a good ship and crew.”

Her lips lifted.There she is.She should always be happy.

“They are.As fierce as they are, they still have huge hearts.”She sighed.“If you don’t mind babysitting, I would rather have you here than anyone else right now.”Her voice lowered.“You make me feel safe.”

Stalad consciously kept his chest from inflating with pride.She feels I can protect her and keep her safe.

“I’m happy to keep you company.”

Resting her cheek against his chest, she fell silent.A low, contented rumble emanated from him.I hope I don’t have a female waiting for me.I can’t imagine feeling this close to anyone else.

After some time, she said quietly, “I hated it.”

His tail stilled momentarily, then continued to stroke her back.

“I hated the fact that anyone with credits could do whatever they wanted to my body and I couldn’t say no.In some weird way, I was lucky that my owner wouldn’t allow us to be beaten, didn’t like using the pain collars, and took steps to keep us healthy and relatively safe physically.But mentally, I had to go away in my mind to survive each sexual encounter.It’s difficult to admit, but each of those instances I consider rape.It sounds crass, but to the males, we were just a series of warm holes.”

His rumble morphed into a growl and his fists clenched at the small of her back.He made himself release as much tension as he could to keep from upsetting her.

“No one should have to go through that.”

“No.You know, on Earth, there were some men who felt if they bought a woman dinner or a drink, we owed them a sexual favor.Or if they were powerful, they felt entitled to who or what they wanted.It wasn’t unusual to have to disabuse them of such notions.But I couldn’t do any of that on Delizas if I wanted to live or not be punished with pain.Others technically owned and directed my body without my consent.My self-worth grew smaller and smaller as time went on, despite talking my owner into a different type of establishment that relied on providing sexual fantasies, rather than the sex act itself.”

“It sounds like you did the best you could under the circumstances.There is no shame in that,ciebala.”His fingers played with the silky ends of her long hair.

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