Page 40 of This is Law

“Sevyn, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to be,” I kept saying it repeatedly. He ended up picking me up, and he sat me down in his lap, having me sit sideways on him. My breakdown continued, and he was allowing me to have it, without interrupting me, or telling me to stop. I was carrying on terribly, pulling up the front of the hoodie that I was wearing, so that I could bury my face inside, and he wouldn’t see me. He pulled me to him, making my head crash into him, and I bawled my eyes out like never before.

“I never blamed you for her death, Soraya. Never. I told you that not too long ago. I told you that it didn’t matter where we had her sleep that night, that shit was probably still going to happen. I’m never going to blame you for the way you handled our loss. You carried her longer than what she was even onthis earth for, so I understand how hurt you were about it. I’ll never tell a mother the way to mourn the death of her child, especially not you because I know how much you love our kids. I was there for you, Ya. That’s the only point that I’m trying to get you to understand. If you would have flat out lost your mind like my mama did over the death of my pops, I would have still been there for you. Back when we were married, there wasn’t shit that you could do to me to ever divorce you. Yeah, shit had got tough in our marriage, and I felt like we didn’t know how to move forward after losing Sarai, but I was willing to do what we needed to do to fix it. I just hate that you ever had to make divorce an option,” he was talking to me, as my head was still buried in his chest, and I was using my hoodie still to cover my face.

“The marriage was triggering. It was no longer the same. I was no longer the same,” I spoke to him through my tears.

“And I loved you in spite of that,” he said to me. That crushed me for real when he said that.

I stayed in his lap for another ten minutes, just trying to get myself together, and then I stood. Law eventually left out so that I could have a minute to myself, and when he left, that’s when I got in the shower. I went through every wave of emotions in the shower, but I eventually calmed down. Inside, I cleaned my body from head to toe, and I even washed my hair. Instead of putting a towel on, I just put the robe on that the hotel had here for us. I had to walk out to the bedroom, so that I could grab my toiletry bag, so I could wash my face, and brush my teeth. When I did that, Law was sitting at the foot of the bed, and he had the TV on, watching sports.

I made it back to the bathroom, where I handled what I needed to. Even after the intense nighttime routine that I’d just finished, my eyes were still blood shot red from the tears. My hair was still wet from me washing it in the shower, but I wasgoing to let it air dry. I added oil and lotion to my body, and I went back in the room, where I sat down on the bed.

I folded my legs, tucking them behind me. I couldn’t get the words out of my head that Law said to me, so single tears fell again, that I wiped away. My sniffles could be heard because out of the corner of my eyes, I could feel Law looking over at me from his bed.

“You can have my food,” I said to him, my voice cracking. I no longer had an appetite. He laughed at my words and then shook his head.

“Why you still crying?” he asked me. I didn’t answer his question.

“Come here,” he ordered me. Instead of being rebellious like I usually would these days with him, I got my ass up, and I walked over to him. I sat next to him on the foot of the bed, and it’s like my body needed him right now. Not in a sexual way, but I needed him to really help me stay calm. That’s why I leaned my head into his shoulder.

“I ain’t got a hundred instances to give you about being selfish. You was never a selfish wife, or a selfish mother. The example that I gave you, that’s the only example that I got, but that example holds weight,” he said to me, and I nodded.

“I’m sorry, Sevyn. When I was your wife, you know that I would have figured anything out when it came to you. That was just one thing that I didn’t know how to figure out. I felt like if we separated, and if I checked out, that it would make it easier. You probably think that I’m full of shit when I say this, but this past year and change without you has been the hardest year of my life. So many times, I’ve needed you. So many nights I would be alone in my room, crying, missing our daughter, and I wanted to call you, but I had to accept that I didn’t have that piece of you anymore. We never divorced because I stopped loving you. I’ll always love you. We divorced because I didn’t know how to loveyouthroughthat. I was drowning, and so were you. I wanted it to work. I wanted to wake up one day, feel better, and feel like I could be that wife to you that I once was, but it never came. I thought that if I were to let go, it could save us in a way, but it did more damage than before because this year between us has been the worst year ever,” I spoke to him. He didn’t say anything. I didn’t expect him to though. This conversation was heavy.

We were bringing up layers from the past, that we tried to bury, and walk away from.

I kept my head on his shoulder for another five minutes, and then I stood up because I knew that I needed to take my ass to sleep. I had to.

Before I walked away from him though, and I went over to my bed, I reached my arms out because I wanted a hug from him. He stood up, towering over me, reaching his arms out, and he wrapped them around my waist. My arms went around his neck, while his stayed on the small of my back. My head rested on his chest, and he took one hand off my back, put it in my damp hair, and he massaged my scalp with just his hands. I melted when he did that. My pussy jumped too. Having sex was the last thing that the two of us needed to be doing because fuckin like we were still lovers was playing it's part in why we were always beefing. It’s like, I was thinking this, but my body was thinking something else because as I stood here, I could feel my pussy dripping in juices.

I pulled away, only to look up at him, and he was glaring down at me. He had a look in his eyes, like he was daring me to be the one to make the first move.

“We keep complicating things with each other,” I let him know.

“What’s complicated?” he wanted to know.

“Part of the reason why I’m always angry at you is because you fuck me like we’re still lovers, and then I have to come backto reality that we aren’t together anymore. I start coming up with scenarios, and the hoes that you’re out here fuckin,” I honestly told him.

“You going to call bullshit, but Yaya, I haven’t been fuckin nobody else. That night we went out for dinner; that’s the last piece of pussy that I had. Your pussy was so fuckin good too. I nutted in you three times that night. It’s no consequences to that yet?” he asked, and I knew that was his way of trying to find out if I was pregnant.

“I took a plan B. I’ve had two periods since that too,” I let him know. He was looking at me like he wanted to devour me, and I’m sure that I was giving him the same look, so I needed to get the fuck away, and do it fast.

“Goodnight, Sevyn,” I let him know, removing my hands from around his neck.

“Goodnight,” he replied, removing his hands from me. I did try to walk away, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry. I needed dick.

This man just had me having a full out tantrum, like I was a damn kid a minute ago. I needed something to take the edge off, and that’s why I ended up jumping on his ass, and it’s like he knew I was coming, so he was waiting on me with open arms. He caught me, hands going on my ass, holding me, keeping me locked in his arms, and my lips crashed into his, and before I knew it, we were tongue kissing each other.

Instead of dropping me down on the bed, like I assumed he was going to do, he walked me over to the wall, throwing my back against it, and during the kiss, he was able to use just one of his hands to untie the robe that I was wearing, expose my naked body, and he dropped me for one second, just to fully take the robe off, and let it drop to the floor. Once it was off, and I was completely naked standing in front of him, he lifted me back up, just keeping one arm around my waist, keeping me up, and with his free hand, he pulled that dick out, let it glide up, and downmy wet pussy, and he slipped inside of me, where I bucked at his touch the first few seconds, and he found his way home, and started beating my pussy up right here against the wall. It was thug dick. I swear it was. I loved to be picked up and fucked, and that’s exactly what he was doing to me.

“You not going to be able to walk up out of this motha fucka in the morning. I tell you that. You showed your ass in the lobby, Soraya. Did all of that, threw a whole fuckin tantrum because you didn’t want to be my roomie, and look at you. I’m putting raw dick in you, having my way. You gotta tell me how this dick feel, baby. Give me words more powerful than good,” he was on my ass, straight hammering inside of me, fuckin with my head. My pussy was wet. Dripping wet. I really couldn’t even talk because I haven’t said shit yet. My mouth was just hanging open, looking at him like he’d lost his fuckin mind, fuckin me like this.

“I…... can’t…... talk,” was literally all that I could think of to say.

“You talking right now. Your ass on thin ice. You been showing off all night. Tell me what it’s feeling like before I take it out of you,” he threatened, hammering into me some more, finding my spot, and I screeched.

“Shitttttttt. Why you fuckin me like thissssss? Lawwwww, pleaseeeee. This dick feels gooooodddd,” I cried out.

“I said something other than good. This the shit that I be talking about with you. You hardheaded as fuck,” he was in me so good.

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