Page 141 of Captive

I squeeze my fingers together and rock.

I couldn’t save Praxis.

He’s dead because of me.

“Sol.” Hector crosses the room and kneels next to me. “Please, my cousin is dead, and I don’t know why someone struck him with an arrow.”

My heart screams as I tuck my arms against my body and rock back and forth. It’s not enough. Nothing is enough anymore!

Hector trembles as he clenches and unclenches his fist. “Who do I need to kill?”

“Me,” I say numbly.

His eyes widen.

“Praxis…” I swallow. “…is dead because of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“He pushed me out of the way. And I couldn’t save him. I tried.” The words keep pouring from my numb lips. “I tried so hard to heal him. It didn’t work.”

Hector shakes his head.

I thrust my hands out, watching their trembling, their uselessness. “I’m broken.”

The lines near Hector’s eyes soften as he gathers my hands in his and draws them to his chest. “You’re not broken, Sol.”

“A healer mends, renews, gives back life. I only take life.” Pain grips my stomach. My chest. My lungs. “Do you know how it feels to be a healer that cannot mend? I’m useless.” I rip my hands apart and slam them together. “I don’t like being useless.”

“Not for even a moment can I pretend to know how you feel.” Tenderly, he traces my jaw. “I have been selfish. I have only thought about having you near me. I haven’t thought about what you need.”

I press my aching body against his, seeking the comfort that only his warmth provides.

“The gods have taken my choices from me.”

He lifts my chin to meet the pain in his eyes. “I don’t want to lose you.”

The Seer’s voice whispers in my ears.“Leave him.”I try to slam it away, to force it to the far corners of my mind, but it keeps returning. “Leave him. Leave him. Leave him.”

“I don’t know how to be me when I’m near you.” It’s not true. None of this is true. He gave me peaceful days, and he made me fall for him all over again. But if I don’t push him away, he’ll never let me go.

His mouth thins as he pulls away and stuffs his hands into his weapon belt.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, the words painful.

Vengeance brought me here. I expected to find only death when I came to Bloodstone land. But I found goodness in Kassandra and Praxis. Hope in Everly and Edvard. Forgiveness with Gabriel. And love with Hector. Yes, love.

I love Hector. I know that now.

But none of those things can stop the darkness from overtaking the light. They cannot renew me, nor stop the tide of Fate. It will roll in and consume me, no matter how I feel about Hector. I know he is a good man. But this track he is on will only lead to destruction. I cannot watch him destroy himself.

The Seer said he has a path.

Will my leaving somehow help him?

Oh, how I hope it will.

Maybe then I can forgive myself for breaking his heart.

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