Page 168 of Eternally Yours
She looks around the room at all the bodies waiting patiently before a tender smile forms on her face. “It’s lovely to see all the support she has.”
“Is she...?” It’s the only words I can form, the only thing I need to know.
“Mommy’s in recovery. She’s stable but needs her rest to recuperate. You’ll be able to see her shortly.”
“Oh, thank God!” I hear one of the girls exclaim behind me, but I don’t focus on the voice.
My girl’s okay, she’s safe. She’s okay.
I bend in half, placing my hands on my knees and dropping my head as a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. Feeling like I can finally breathe again as a gentle hand falls softly on my back, the nurse’s.
“Dad?” I look up into her eyes that shine with joy. She offers me a sweet smile when she says, “Ready to meet your son?”
Chapter forty-seven
Silas
A beautiful silver lining.
The nurse—Jen, she said her name was—takes me up a few floors and down a few hallways until we reach a set of double doors with the words ‘Neonatal Intensive Care Unit’written above them.
She pushes them open and walks into another short hallway that leads to a second double door, where a woman stands with a shirt that reads ‘N.I.C.U’. When she spots us, she walks over.
“Hi, Mr. Hayes. My name’s Kimberly, I’m the one who’s been taking care of your son. We’ll head inside in just a moment, but I’m going to need you to put a gown on first, then wash your hands thoroughly with the antibacterial soap by the sink.”
While I’m finishing up washing my hands, Jen tells Kimberly to buzz her when I’m done here so that she can bring me to my wife. I follow Kimberly through the doors and into the NICU.
The space is quite the contrast to the rest of the hospital. It’s so quiet. The only sounds are the buzz and beeps of machines, and a slight murmur of voices from the people in the unit. The lights are also dimmed, giving this relaxing, nighttime ambiance.
We pass by a few incubators and open little beds, some carrying babies and others empty. Kimberly brings us to the far end of the unit where a single incubator with a monitoring screen and other machines resides. It’s separated from the rest by a tall rack that holds all sorts of linens, making it feel like a private room.
“We thought it would be best to place him back here. We understand how fans can get and don’t want your time with baby to be interrupted when you or mom are here. It will give you guys a little more privacy this way.” She smiles warmly, then reaches the incubator that holds my son.
“Hi, baby. Look who’s here. It’s Daddy.”
I look down at my son through the thick, clear plastic. He’s so small, with wires all around him. Fear must show on my features because Kimberlyimmediately reassures me.
“He’s perfectly fine. This is all normal, it’s to help us monitor him and make sure he’s safe and healthy. I know it looks scary, but it’s only to help him.” She smiles again. “You see those stickers on his chest that have wires attached to them? Those are chest leads, they track his heart rate and the number of breaths he takes. The little bandage on his foot is to measure his blood oxygen levels. The little mask over his nose is a ventilator to help him breathe, which is completely normal. Most babies that come in here need it at the start,” she says calmly.
She then points to a tiny tube that goes into his mouth. “That’s to feed him since he’s still too small to be bottle or breastfed. But I give this little guy about two or three weeks, and he won’t need it anymore.”
She goes on, naming the rest of the things attached to him, explaining what they do and what everything means. Then she tells me how things work in the NICU and that Cecilia and I can see him whenever we want, which is reassuring to hear. I hate that our little guy will have to stay here for a while. But it’s what he needs, and his health is all I care about.
“He’s so small.” It’s all I can think to say in this moment, because he is. I’m pretty sure he fits in my hand.Yes, I know I have big hands, but that’s beside the point.He’s still smaller than I expected.
“I know it looks that way, but you can’t forget that he’s also here a lot sooner than planned, so his tiny frame is completely normal. I know you can’t tell, but of all the babies I’ve seen come through here at thirty-two weeks, he’s the biggest. Your boy definitely takes after you.” She giggles lightly. “Would you like to hold him?”
My eyes turn to saucers while I look from her to my baby boy, then back to her. “I... I’ve never held a baby before, and I don’t want to hurt him.” I take a step back as if she might throw him in my arms, even though he’s still in his warm little nest.
“He’s not as fragile as he looks. These little ones are warriors and so much stronger than we think. I promise it will be fine, and feeling and smelling you will only help him heal faster. I’ll place him on you, and I’ll stay by your side the whole time. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”
I nod, still frightened, but she said it will help him, so I need to do this. “Okay.”
“Good, take off your gown and shirt and sit in that chair right there. I’m going to place him on your bare chest. We call it the kangaroo care, which essentially means skin-to-skin contact. It’s proven to be very healing for them, which means they get to go home sooner. It’s also a great way to bond with your new baby.”
I do as she says and settle into the recliner that’s placed beside the incubator. A minute later, Kimberly comes over carrying my son, who’s still attached to themonitors.
She instructs me to recline the chair so that he’s really lying on me. Then she lowers and places his tiny body in the fetal position against my chest, placing his arms and legs properly and turning his head to the side.
