Page 21 of Going the Distance
“I’m kind of jealous of you, you know. Because you and Noah—you guys are trying, at least. I wish she’d given us a shot. Even if it didn’t work out.”
“Maybe it was for the best, though. Like she said.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But you loved her,” I finished gently, my voice soft.
Levi sighed again and went back to putting away groceries.
I didn’t know what to tell him. It wasn’t like I had any experience to speak from, and I wasn’t sure that the stuff I’d read in romance novels really counted. I settled on asking, “Do you still talk to her?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“I’m just trying to move on, you know? That’s why I haven’t kept in touch. And I guess that’s why she hasn’t messaged me either. I even deleted all the photos of us. It felt weird, keeping them up, seeing them, whenever I went on my profile. Now I’m just waiting to find that girl who I look at and who makes me forget all about Julie. Or maybe it’ll only ever be Julie.”
“I can’t tell if you’re a romantic or not.”
He just laughed. Then said, “Sorry, you probably don’t want to listen to me pining after some girl who’s states away from me and not even my girlfriend anymore.”
“I don’t mind. I mean, I’ve only ever been with Noah, so I’m not sure I’m best placed to give you any advice, but I don’t mind listening, if you want to talk about it. I know the guys might not seem like the best audience for pining to. They goof around a lot, but they’re delicate, sensitive little flowers underneath it all. You know, Cam cried once because he thought Lisa was ignoring his texts. But you didn’t hear that one from me.”
His smile was small, and shy, but he looked touched. “Thanks, Elle. I appreciate it.”
“Any time.”
Levi grabbed the plate of brownies, the groceries all put away now, and brought them over to the breakfast bar. I took a seat next to him and grabbed a brownie. “So,” he said, tossing his curls back from his face, “now you know all about my ex and the fact that I’m not actually going to college….What else do I need to tell you about me? I feel like we’re really unraveling the mystery of Levi Monroe tonight.”
I laughed. “Oh, come on. Like you don’t love being all mysterious.”
“One girl asked me last week if I really did cameo inRiverdale.That one was kind of cool.”
I smiled, but found that I did have a question, now that he’d asked. “Where’s your dad tonight?”
Levi shifted, a little uncomfortable. “He’s, uh, he’s…”
“I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”
Levi didn’t talk about his dad much at school, but as far as I could tell his parents were still together. There was even a photo of his parents on their wedding day in pride of place in the living room, I’d noticed. But Levi’s malaise made me feel like I’d poked a hole in something I shouldn’t have.
“No, it’s okay.” Levi sipped his scalding hot coffee, then said firmly, “He’s at a support group. He goes after work. He’s in remission from prostate cancer. That hit him hard, and then he lost his job, and…things kind of spiraled. That’s why we moved. Fresh start, you know? He’s been doing better since he got a new job, even if it’s only part-time.”
“Oh my God.”
Because, honestly, I didn’t know what else to say.
“I know, right? Talk about a bit of a bombshell. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. Just…forget about it, all right?” He started to get up, cheeks blotchy, unable to meet my eye.
“No, I…I just…Well, I’ve never known anyone with cancer before, so I’m not really sure what to say, that’s all. I hope everything’s okay for your dad.”
“It will be.”
Levi sounded so convinced I didn’t dare try and suggest things might be otherwise or that I was there for him if that was the case.
“Don’t tell the others, though, will you? I just don’t want them to treat me weird or anything because of it. Everyone at my old school did, except Julie. She was the only person who didn’t look at me like I was some sad, stray puppy after my dad first got diagnosed.”
“You said he’s in remission,” I said, “and that’s…that’s good, right?”
