Page 80 of Going the Distance
Plus, I’d been trying to keep Levi at a distance. It didn’t feel right to be hanging out with him wondering if therewassomething between us when I was so preoccupied over Noah.
“How are you feeling about it?” Rachel asked me when we sat down to grab a coffee. “Okay, or still stressing out?”
“Right now, I’m okay. If he wants to be a total jackass and do this, then fine, but I’m not going to let him know it’s getting to me. Besides, I deserve better than someone who’ll get over me that fast.”
“I can’t see how he did get over you that fast, though,” Rachel said slowly. “I mean…he loved you. Alot.Everyone could see that. I kind of have to agree with Lee—maybe Noah was telling June the truth, and they’re just friends.”
“A friend he’s bringing home for a major holiday that you usually spend with your family?”
Rachel sighed. “Yeah, but…he loved you so much. You can’t just get over a relationship like the one you guys had likethat.If they are dating, or just hooking up, or something, at least you can be pretty sure she’s just a rebound. It probably won’t last that long, if they are together.”
“You think?”
“Yeah,” Rachel said with confidence, but when I glanced over at her expression, she didn’t look so sure of herself.
“Anyway, enough about me for now. I’m done stressing and being mad. I can totally handle it. I’m going to show him he doesn’t have a hold on my heart anymore, even if that’s not exactly true. How are things with you and Lee?”
Rachel’s whole face lit up with a smile and, despite myself, I felt a pang of jealousy. “So great! I really hope we both get into Brown next year, because it kills me to think I might be away from him. And I hope you get in, too, of course. I don’t think Lee will be able to function properly if you’re not around,” she added quickly with a laugh that was a little awkward. “But yeah, it’s…it’s weird. I feel like it’s been way longer than just a few months that we’ve been together. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. And it’s like, whenever Lee’s around, I forget if I’m upset about anything or stressing out. He just makes me feel so much happier.”
“That’s great,” I said, though my voice didn’t have as much enthusiasm as I’d have liked. I was happy for them, even if I was a little bit jealous. “Honestly, I’m glad you guys are doing so well. I’ve never seen Lee happier than when he’s with you. Or talking about you. Or texting you. Or thinking about you.” I laughed.
Rachel blushed a little.
“And,” I said, dropping my voice and leaning a little bit closer, “how’s the sex life?”
She blushed even brighter, and I laughed. “I’m teasing,” I assured her. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I know it’s probably weird talking to me about it, because of how close I am with Lee.”
Rachel smiled at me, biting her lip. “I honestly don’t know what I was so scared about. Seriously. I thought it was going to be this really big deal, and it just…wasn’t.”
“Should I pass that on to Lee?” I joked.
“Oh, God, please don’t.” She giggled. “I just mean, it’s like, you hear everyone talking about it like it’s such a major thing, and it just wasn’t. In a good way, you know? I’d totally built it up in my head that it was something to be nervous about, and there wasnothingto be nervous about.”
“I knowexactlywhat you mean.”
“Yeah. Okay, so enough talk about my bedroom business,” she said. “Since the topic of the afternoon seems to be guys—I’ve been dying to ask, but I didn’t really want to do it at school with everyone around. What’s going on with you and Levi?”
I couldn’t help the way my head snapped toward her. “What about me and Levi?”
“Well, you’re always together. And you act all flirty.”
“I don’t flirt with him!”
Did everyone else notice that? Did he notice? (Ihad barely even noticed I was doing it.)
“Mmm.” Rachel pulled a face, unconvinced. “You kind of do. And he flirts back. I’m telling you, Elle, everyone is convinced you’re together.”
“I…I don’t…”
The last thing I needed was Rachel telling Lee that I had a crush on Levi, and it getting out—especially when I hadn’t even really worked out what my feelings toward him were yet.
“I don’t have a crush on him, if that’s what you’re getting at,” I told her, adding, “Besides, what’s wrong with a little harmless flirting?”
She didn’t look overly convinced, but she let it go, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
• • •
I made Rachel come over to help me pick an outfit for Thanksgiving dinner after our mani-pedis.
