Page 87 of Going the Distance
Chapter 21
The dining table at the Flynns’ was huge—so huge that there were three centerpieces. Like always. There was the big one with fake flowers and waxed fruit, all with gold edging, which June’s mom had passed on to her when she stopped hosting Thanksgiving, and the ones that Brad and Liam had made in school.
The rest of the table sagged under the weight of all the food. Dishes of buttery, roasted vegetables and yams, still-steaming bread rolls, and the huge turkey covered every inch of the table.
My dad said grace this year. Neither Lee’s nor my family were very religious, but we always said grace on Thanksgiving. The whole time, when I had my head bowed, I tried not to steal a glance at Amanda and Noah, who were sitting on the other side of the table to Lee and me. Were they holding hands? Were their legs pressed together under the table?
As I thought this, I felt Lee bump my knee underneath the table.
I could do this.
I could totally do this.
As the turkey was carved, and dishes of vegetables swapped across the table, I had to make a conscious effort not to keep looking at Noah. But it was so hard not to when he sat directly opposite me.
Conversation wasn’t half so uneasy and stiff as I’d expected it to be. The grown-ups asked us all about school and college. Lee and I didn’t have much to say that people didn’t already know; Brad and Liam were so excitable that they kept talking over each other with their mouths full; and all anybody got from Hilary was a surly half-response. Mostly, they talked to Amanda and Noah, wanting to know all about how they were getting on at college, and how football was going for Noah, and did Amanda have any hobbies?
She smiled when Colin asked her that, and said, “Actually, I’m really into horse riding. There’s this riding school back home where I go. Ireallymiss it, and the horses. I don’t have my own horse, but I’d like to someday.”
“Not much of a city girl, then, eh?” Pete said.
“Oh, I don’t mind the city, but I think long-term I’d prefer somewhere in the country. I could see myself in the city for my five-year plan, but not to, like, settle down.”
She had a five-year plan.
I was starting to think that she was actually flawless.
That led everyone to ask about her plans after college, whether she planned to stay or move back to the UK, and Lee whispered in my ear, “Jeez, I see what you mean. Sheisnice. It’s infuriating, but I can’t actually get mad at her.”
“I know,” I whispered back. I turned my head away so Noah couldn’t lip-read.
“Noah keeps looking at you,” Lee added. “He’s looking now.”
“I know,” I repeated, giving him a rigid smile and a wide-eyed, unimpressed look. “I’m trying not to notice.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t even say hi to me,” I mumbled. “I’m getting the feeling he’s pissed at me.”
“He’sdefinitelynot mad at you, Shelly. He just looks kind of sad.”
Sad? What right didhehave to be sad about all this?
I turned away from Lee; I wasn’t going to get into that. I didn’t want to feel sorry for Noah. Especially not today, when he least deserved it.
I tried not to let it get to me whenever Amanda laid a hand on Noah’s arm or on his hand, or when she brought up a story about a mutual friend, or a story that started “Do you remember that time when…”
Whenever she touched him, it looked so natural, so familiar. Like we used to be.
And that hurt, too.
I poked some yams around on my plate, losing my appetite.
Then Noah distracted me, by actually speaking to me. The grown-ups had all moved on to talking about work and about their bosses or colleagues, Hilary was talking to her grandma, and Liam and Brad were arguing about whether Iron Man or Thor would win in a fight, so nobody really noticed Noah had spoken to me.
Like, directly to me.
For the first time since we’d broken up.
