What if it’s not worth it?
Will it break Mum and Dad’s hearts even more if the wedding doesn’t go ahead and Kay’s true colours start showing? Will she become even worse?
There’s a voice in my head saying,You know your own sister; it’s not her it’s Marcus, it’s London, it’s the job, it’s Gemma …But at what point do we have to accept that those are all just excuses?
For all I can say that Gemma’s just jealous and bitter and Francesca’s clearly biased, it’s frighteningly easy to recall a dozen tiny interactions with Kay over the last few years, even before Marcus was around, that hit wrong. Expressions she pulled, things she said, so minuscule and forgettable, but together, now, they all add up to say,She’s not the person you all think she is.
I don’t know how to fix this. I’m the oldest, I’m supposed to look out for the family, and – I’ve failed, so badly. Is this how Nana felt when she tried to talk to Kay, just for her granddaughter to throw it in her face and never see her again? She never told us they’d had a full-onargument. She saw what Kay was really like, and took that to her grave rather than upset us all any more about it.
Can I do that, too?
Is it worth it, if it spares the rest of the family some heartache?
Come on, Nana. Give me a sign, tell me what to do.
Is this storm and this layover a message to go home, to forget about the wedding and the chat with Kay and everything else? Go home, apologise for the mix-up, and keep my mouth shut.
Or is this the universe’s way of telling me that I needed to realise I was on a fool’s errand, forcing me to spend time with Francesca and Gemma in this airport to learn the truth, and do something about it? Tell the family she’s a lost cause – or confront Kay and tell her she has to change, or else be done with us to save everyone worrying about her, causing all that pain?
I wish I knew. I wish there was a right answer.
At the next table over, there’s a redheaded couple. The guy jostles against my chair as he returns with some drinks, and his girlfriend mutters a thank you before sighing at him, ‘Itoldyou we should’ve pulled the honeymoon card. They always give preferential treatment when they know you’re on your honeymoon.’
‘Well, it’s too late for that now,’ he huffs, and both of them busy themselves with their phones. I swallow a laugh; they’re hardly the picture of newlywed bliss. The ‘honeymoon card’ would be a hard sell coming from them.
I jolt out of my thoughts when my own phone starts ringing: Myleene is FaceTiming. I dig out my earphones quickly and connect them before I answer.
I barely manage to say ‘Hello’ before my little sister is pulling a face and informing me, ‘You look like absolute shit. Have you been drinking?’
I catch sight of myself on the screen: pale and drawn and hollowed-out behind the eyes. A stark contrast to the glow of candlelit lanterns on Myleene’s cheeks and highlighting her hair in gold. She’s wearing sparkly eyeshadow, and is outside somewhere. There’s a whitewashed wall behind her taking up half the screen, and the other half is given over to an expanse of clear, ink-blue sky speckled with stars and silhouettes of palm trees.
‘No, I’ve not been drinking,’ I tell her,but I could really do with one right about now. ‘Just … worried about this layover.’
‘Fair enough. Kay’swellstressed. Especially because Gem’s not here. What kind of maid of honour leaves it till the last minute to fly out for the wedding? If she’d gotten the morning flight like Kay said, she’d be here by now. You know Joss has had to step up and sort out things Gemma was meant to be doing? And Andi and Laura are having to make back-up plans for tomorrow in case she doesn’t make it.Plusthere’s a whole drama between the three of them about who would get to sit at the top table in Gemma’s spot as maid of honour, so it doesn’t look weird in all the photos and stuff. Just because, what, shewouldn’t take an extra couple of hours off work? Kay’s fuming. I don’t blame her.’
‘Mm,’ I say, but remembering that throwaway comment Gemma made about having to pick up some of Kayleigh’s work for her makes it hard to be sympathetic.
Myleene, of course, is totally swept up in the drama of it all – just like Mum got swept up in the wedding planning. She’s just a kid, though, nineteen, and as the baby of the family, she absolutely idolises Kayleigh: her big sister with the glamorous, perfect life she can only aspire to emulate one day.
Can I destroy that? Can I be honest with them, and sow that regret and distrust in someone like Myleene, too? I don’t know if she’d even believe me. I certainly don’t think she’d ever get over it.
‘Is Gemma stressing out?’ she asks me.
‘Uh … a normal amount, I’d say. But there’s not much we can do, is there?’
Myleene raises her eyebrows at me. ‘You could rent a car and drive here. That’s what Dad said. And Mum said you’d never cope driving on the wrong side of the road and you’d get too wound up and end up lost, especially in the dark. ButIsaid that’s what a satnav is for.’
‘Well … Hopefully it won’t come to that.’
‘Lucky you’re not one of the groomsmen, or Kay would bereallyangry with you being late,’ Myleene says, laughing. ‘Have you got your speech, by the way? Can you send it to me? Just in case I have to do it, if you don’t make it. Kay’s said to tell you that you have to send me it.’
‘I’ll make it.’ And I suppose I’d better writesomething, as a contingency. Even if it’s only to send Myleene for her peace of mind. I ask, ‘Are we the only ones who got delayed?’
‘A few cousins did too, and Marcus’s stepbrother is stuck at Bristol.’ She waves a dismissive hand. ‘And that skanky girl from Marcus’s work, the harpy—’
‘Francesca.’ I swallow a lump in my throat, and the urge to defend Francesca against the insult along with it. ‘Yeah, she’s with us.’
Myleene’s eyes light up, and she scrunches her nose in excitement. ‘OMG, say more. Is she pretty? Is she really annoying and up herself like Kay says? Has she been talking about Marcus?Isshe really sad and pathetic, like he says?’