Page 6 of Perfect Day

“Put him in a dress,” Don said with a sniff, “and you could take him to the prom.”

Joshua smiled. The Finn he knew—had known—was anything but girlish, despite his classically beautiful features.

“C’mon, Don,” Lexa protested. “You can’t say things like that.”

“Says who?”

“Uh, like, the twenty-first century?”

“I don’t care what—”

“Just don’t be rude when you meet him,” Ali said, diverting the argument. “You’ll need to watch your manners then, Don.”

“I don’t plan onmeetinghim.”

“Oh, you will,” Ali said. Joshua felt a spike of panic at her certainty. “He’ll definitely come visit his brother. Apparently they’re real close. Also, he’s totally single again after he broke up with that Amy Robinson fromBeverly Hills High.”

“And how on earth do you knowthat?” Don said.

Lexa rolled her eyes. “The internet?”

Don snorted but Joshua found himself gripping the rag he’d used to wipe down the counter. He knew for a fact that Finn and Sean were close. Finn had talked about his little brother nonstop that summer, about how he couldn’t wait to get out to LA and see him again, about how much he wanted Joshua to meet him... How he’d thought they’d get on, because Sean was “as big a nerd as you are, dude.” The memory, fresh and sharp, pulled a painful lump into his throat.

No, Ali wasn’t wrong. It was very likely that Finn would visit his brother. Only, surely not soon. Not immediately. Joshua needed more time than that. He wasn’t ready.

“The first step,” Ali told Lexa, “is to get to know Sean. Then he can introduce us to Finn.” She pressed her hands to her chest in excitement. “Oh my God, can you believe it? Finn freakin’ Callaghan!”

* * *

As it turned out, Joshua got precisely eleven and a half days to prepare. It wasn’t nearly enough.

Michael called to say that the sale had gone through—and to ask how far Joshua had gotten with selling the unwanted content (answer: nowhere)—and the very next day New Milton was buzzing with talk of Sean Callaghan driving up from New York to scope out his new home.

Joshua stayed out of town. Lexa and Ali had the coffee shop covered, both hoping Sean would visit for lunch because where else in New Milton would he go? Joshua gave them his shift with pleasure.

He told himself he wasn’t hiding when he headed out toward the cliffs, walking past the old Majestic Hotel and into the bracing wind, head down and hands in the pockets of his old Gore-Tex jacket. The ocean raged, whipped up by the wind, crashing and booming at the base of the cliffs. Days like this were made for poets, but Joshua was no poet. He couldn’t write out the empty space in his heart, couldn’t convert hollow regrets into meaningful words. He simplyfelt. Later, perhaps, Chopin.

There were lights on at Hanworth Hall. He saw them from the opposite side of the bay as the afternoon started to fail, and let his eyes trail down from the Hall to the beach below. He didn’t let himself think about that summer often, setting those memories to one side, but today he gave himself permission. Today, he allowed his eyes to run over the dunes, allowed himself to remember the sun on his skin, a joy like heat. A hope and optimism he’d never known again.

Finn, Finn, Finn.

Part of him wondered whether, if they met again, something between them might rekindle. But the rest of him knew it wouldn’t. Finn had never been shy about getting what he wanted—his resolve had been one of the things that drew Joshua to him—and if Finn had wanted to contact him, he’d have done it.

Joshua had tried himself, once. After his father threw him out he’d headed to LA, following the same golden road to the future that Finn had driven a year earlier, and left a message and his number at the studio where Finn was working. For weeks—months—afterward he’d jumped every time his phone rang, but Finn had never called and Joshua hadn’t tried to contact him again. Besides, Finn’s long string of high-profile girlfriends suggested that Ruth had been right all those years ago: a boyfriend would not have been conducive to Finn’s career and, if Joshua hadn’t ended it when he did, things would probably have fallen apart in the end. Either way, it made no difference now. Finn had evidently moved on.

He stood for some time watching the trees bowing away from the wind, their branches making the lights from Hanworth Hall dance. He watched until it started to rain in earnest and then he turned for home before it got too dark to be on the cliffs.

That evening, once he’d dried off, he ate soup from a can and practiced Chopin’s Etude Opus 10 No. 3 until his fingers ached. But it didn’t fill the hollow in his chest.

* * *

“Newt!” Lexa shouted at him from across the street the next morning. “Wait up!”

Luckily, he couldn’t stop because he was heading up to school to take his morning lessons. Not that it deterred Lexa, and she darted over the road to join him. “You’ll never guess what happened,” she said, falling into step beside him.

“Okay.” Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to try.

“So he totally came into the coffee shop yesterday!”

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