It was twenty after seven.

He paced a loop around the whole driveway, feet scuffing the gravel, crunching in the snow. His emotions swerved between fury at himself and abject remorse. To have had so much and to have lost it because of his fucking stupidity was unbearable. If Alfie didn’t come tonight, if this was the end of everything between them, how could Leo live with his regrets? He already wanted to scream.

By seven thirty, hope was flagging and the cold sank deeper into flesh and bone. Maybe he should just go, slip into his car and drive. Nobody would miss him, except maybe Dee. But he couldn’t bear to speak to her now. His disappointment was too intense, it would spill out and nobody needed to deal with that mess on Christmas Eve.

He waited.

When he took out his phone to check the time, and the clock showed 7.38pm, he told himself enough was enough. He was shaking with cold and distress, and he’d do nobody any good getting sick. There was no more to be done, anyway. He’d given it his best shot and Alfie had given him his answer. Really, it’s what he’d expected. He should never have allowed his hopes to get the better of him.

With numb fingers, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and trudged across the driveway to his car. The lock was frozen and he had to wiggle the key into it, fingers stiff with cold, his vision blurring. He cursed under his breath.

Perhaps that’s why he didn’t hear any footsteps behind him.

“Leo?”

He spun, heart stalling as he blinked into the starlit night. Alfie stood in the shadow of the trees, bundled up against the cold, his face a pale oval in the dark. He was there. Alfie had come at last.

With a lurch, Leo’s heart jolted back to life and he took a stumbling step forward. But Alfie’s expression was serious, his dark eyes glittering as they caught the scant light from the house, and that unsmiling look stopped Leo in his tracks. “Hey,” he managed in a husky whisper. “You came.”

Alfie nodded. “I… almost didn’t.”

“Okay.” He swallowed. It felt painful. He couldn’t catch his breath, but made himself take another step closer. “I’m glad. I— God, Alfie, I’m so sorry for everything.” His words tumbled out, and there were a thousand more behind them, but he clamped his jaw shut before they could escape. This wasn’t about him or his need for forgiveness, it was about Alfie.

Another nod and Alfie took a few steps forward, drawing close enough that Leo could see the misty plume of his breath. Leo was shaking hard and he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep his shivers under control.

“I got your note,” Alfie said, and maybe, just maybe, there was a hint of a smile in his eyes. “Notes, I should say.”

Leo bit his lip. “Was it stupid? I just wanted to show you how much I respect your—”

“I got it,” Alfie said, speaking over him. “I got what you were trying to do.”

For a long moment, they looked at each other, their breath misting and mixing between them. Across the chasm, Alfie said, “Why did you tell Dee we hadn’t slept together? Were you ashamed?”

The question knocked the breath out of him, the unexpected broadside sending him reeling. But the only possible answer was the raw, bare-boned truth. “Iwasashamed,” he admitted. Alfie flinched, but Leo pressed on. “I was ashamed ofmyself. I’d promised Dee I’d tell you the truth, and I hadn’t. I knew she’d tell you if she thought we’d slept together, so I—” His voice fell away, swamped by emotion. “So I denied it. I lied. Christ, what a fucking asshole.”

Alfie’s eyes flickered over Leo’s face, fingers delving deeper into his pockets as if he were struggling to keep them there. “If you’d just said something sooner, I’d have—” He shook his head. “Fuck, Leo, itfeltlike we already had a connection. Iknewsomething was different from the start. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I don’t know.” He pushed his fingers up under his glasses, wiping at his eyes. “I can’t explain. I was stupid. I didn’t want to lose Camaro89, and I knew you hated me in real life, so I wanted to—”

“I didn’t hate you,” Alfie said, frowning.

“On the train, you called me a pompous prick.”

“Well…” He shifted, looking uncomfortable. “You thought I was an illiterate mechanic.”

He didn’t deny it. “I was in love with Camaro89,” he said miserably. “And I didn’t know what to do when I found out he was you, because you thought I was an asshole. I screwed everything up. I know I did.” His voice hitched and he turned away, shoulders hunched. “I’m sorry, Alfie.”

Silence fell, heavy as stone. Leo reached for the key dangling in his car door and turned it.

“Wait.”

He stilled, listening.

After a silence, Alfie said, “I was in love with LLB, and when he—you—didn’t show up that night, I thought he didn’t feel the same. And that—” His voice broke. “That really fucking hurt.”

“I know.” Leo couldn’t turn around, couldn’t meet Alfie’s eyes.

“But then I found myself falling foryou—and I mean, really falling, at like at a million miles an hour. And it didn’t make sense. I didn’t understand what the hell was happening. But if you’d justtoldme…” He puffed out a shaky breath. “Hell, I don’t know what I’d have done, but it couldn’t have been worse than this.”