Page 22 of Between the Lines

Theo paused, his burger stopping halfway to his mouth. Luca wasn’t looking at him, he was picking up fries from his plate one at a time and dipping them in ketchup. Like he was indifferent to the answer—or, perhaps, like he was pretending to be indifferent to the answer? The difference was impossible to detect.

Question was, how should Theo answer? He preferred the truth because he didn’t have the patience to dance around it the way some people did, but also he didn’t want to alienate Luca and—Sod that, actually. If Luca didn’t like that he was gay then it was his bloody problem. More importantly, what the hell was he doing worrying about Luca’s opinion in the first place? He was here on business and shouldn’t be wasting time imagining friendship where there could be none. He knew how that ended.

“It’s not a trick question,” Luca said, glancing up from his plate then back at his fries. “Or is it complicated?”

“It’s not complicated.” Theo took a breath, bracing himself. Every single time, he hated this moment. “I don’t have a girlfriend because I’m gay.” Luca’s head snapped up, silvery gaze locking on Theo’s. “Is that a problem?”

Luca snorted. “Theo—I’m gay, too. Didn’t you know?”

His heart thumped, a flush of inappropriate excitement heating his cheeks. “Well, we’ve never talked about it.”

“Seriously?” Luca’s disbelief was clear, even to Theo. “I wasn’t exactly subtle back at the beach.”

Theo stared at his hands, his fingers had pressed too hard into the burger and the tips were buried in the bun. He felt like a fool because either he’d missed some obvious clues or Luca was teasing. He didn’t think Luca was teasing... “Apologies,” he said, setting down the burger and wiping his fingers on his napkin. “I don’t have good instincts. I tend not to trust them.”

“You mean, lousy gaydar?”

Theo grimaced, but he might as well get this over with, too. Screwing up his napkin, he said, “Lousy people-dar.”

Luca frowned. “How do you mean?”

“It’s hard to explain, I—” He sighed. “You ever hear the expression ‘the eyes are the window to the soul’? Well, to me, all the blinds are down. I can’t read people. It’s a dyspraxic thing.” There, said it, the label was out and he waited for the usual questions.

But all Luca said was, “Huh. So do you have aboyfriend back in New York?”

Theo was so surprised, he let out a huff of laughter. “No. I’m not very good at getting boyfriends.”

“C’mon, a handsome guy like you?”

“It’s not—”A handsome guy like me?“It’s not about that.”

“Then what’s it about?”

He hated talking about this. “I can’t flirt or make small talk, and I’m crappy at eye contact. You might have noticed?” The silence suggested Luca had and Theo sighed. “Right now, for example, I can’t tell whether you’re interested in this or just want me to piss off and leave you alone.”

“I’m not entirely sure myself,” Luca said, then smiled like maybe he was joking.

Which was exactly Theo’s point. “See?” he said irritably. “You’re doing it right now. Why can’t you just say what you mean, instead of expecting me to divine it by—” he wiggled his fingers “—magic?”

Luca snorted a laugh. “You know what? It’s lucky you’re gay. At least guys tend to be pretty up-front about what we want, huh?” He made a vague, crude gesture. “You’re hot, let’s screw. Am I right?”

“I guess.” Theo poked at his hamburger. “But even hookups take a certain degree of...nonverbal communication. And it’s so easy to make mistakes, to think you know what someone wants when the truth is they don’t want you at all.”

The air stilled as if a bubble had closed around them, and when Theo glanced up he found himself the object of Luca’s steady gaze. For once, he could endure it without flinching. In fact, he welcomed that intense scrutiny, because it felt like Lucasawhim. Really saw him. More than that, it felt like Luca was interested in him—as a person, a friend. A man, even. His heart tripped with sudden, irrepressible excitement. He knew better than to trust his judgment, of course, but Luca’s unflinching gaze ignited that old yearning to connect and, like it or not, Theo couldn’t tamp it down. Things only got worse when Luca reached for his beer and said, “Sounds like there’s a story there.”

“I guess. I mean, yes.” He’d nevertoldanyone about the Grant Daly fiasco. Well, he hadn’t needed to: everyone had been there, witnessing it firsthand. But here, under Luca’s steady gaze, he discovered that hewantedto tell someone. Perhaps, more significantly, that he wanted to tell Luca. His pulse began to race. “I, uh, got the wrong end of the stick once with a friend—someone I thought was a friend. A colleague, really. We hooked up a couple times and I misinterpreted his...” He swallowed the humiliating rise of emotion in the back of his throat. “Thing is, when you really want something to be true, it’s easy to convince yourself that it is. And I wanted—”To be loved, to be worthy of love.He cleared his throat. “Anyway, there was a work Christmas party. I had too much to drink, and...and made a fool of myself in front of everyone. Spilled out all my stupidfeelings—” he lifted his bottle in salute “—much like now, in fact. But it turned out Grant was less interested, and more married, than I’d realized. He denied everything, of course, and then made an official complaint.” Theo laughed, but it wasn’t funny. “If my dad hadn’t owned the company, I might have been fired.”

Luca winced. “I’m sorry, man. That sucks.”

“Yeah, well. It was a couple years ago now.” Not that time made the humiliation any less painful, or the anger any less sharp. “Since then I just decided not to go there. Not even to try. It’s not worth the risk when you can’t be sure you’re reading people right.”

“Can’t you just, I dunno, ask them?”

“Sure—you canask. But people lie.” The old frustration welled up, a hot prickly sensation behind his breastbone. “People lie all the bloody time. I mean, they call it sarcasm or good manners or irony or horsing around, but when you can’t tell the difference...?” He puffed out a breath, checking his emotions before they leaked out all over the place. “It’s easy to make mistakes.”

Luca was silent. Embarrassed by Theo’s outburst? Bored? Freaked out? It was anyone’s guess. Theo took a breath, ready to apologize, but Luca spoke first.

“You seriously can’t tell whether someone’s for real or joking around?”

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