Page 22 of Twice Shy

“Teased how?”

He shrugged. “The usual. Are you sure you’re really gay? Am I your ‘experimental phase’? Don’t give me girl cooties. That kind of thing.”

“Unfortunately, that’s a pretty common experience for bisexual people.”

“Yeah.”

“So, unlike a straight or gay man, you’re faced with the question of whether to come out to any potential sexual or romantic partner and risk their rejection. I can see why you’d be afraid to start something new.”

“It’s not—” He stopped and scrubbed a hand over his head. He’d just had his hair cut and the short strands ran silky-smooth over his palm. “It’s not just your partner, either. Everyone judges you.” His lips twisted wryly. “Neither fish nor fowl, I guess. And everyone has an opinion.”

He reached for the pitcher on the table and poured himself a glass of water, embarrassed at the tremor in his hand. Because of the insomnia, probably. He hated insomnia, hadn’t had it in months. He’d thought it was behind him—and now this.

After he set the water back down, Amy said, “Tell me about him.”

“Tell you what about him?”

“Anything you like. Talk to me about why you find him attractive.”

“You want me to tell you he has a tight ass, and abs to die for? That I want to lick ice-cream off his pecs?”

Amy’s eyebrows rose at the attitude.

Joel knew he was being difficult and, with an apologetic sigh, said, “He’s… Okay, his name’s Oliver Snow. He calls himself Ollie. He’s raising his sister’s kids alone and he’s… There’s just something about him that gets to me. He’s doing a great job in difficult circumstances, but he’s kind of uncertain about himself—like, he thinks he’s always being graded or something. Or that people are judging him. But he’s still upbeat and fun, getting involved with stuff, trying to be a good dad. It’s admirable, you know? And he’s on his own here, I guess. He’s…” He turned to gaze out over the garden, letting the trees and lawn fade as he conjured an image in his mind’s eye. “He’s got a cute smile and this overgrown mop of curly hair, and you think it’s just an ordinary dark brown but when you look closer there’s this beautiful auburn undertone.” His hands flexed as if he could feel Ollie’s curls running through his fingers. “I guess he’s just kinda…charming. I’m charmed.”

“He sounds like a guy with a lot on his plate.”

“No kidding.” He looked back at her, sinking deeper into his chair, lighter for having articulated his feelings. That had been the point, he supposed. “It’s really not something that could go anywhere.”

“Are you sure?”

He ticked the reasons off on his fingers. “He’s too young, too male, and a parent at the school.”

“Well, we’ve talked about his age and gender. Is there a rule against dating parents?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t know—probably not. But it doesn’t matter. Nothing’s going to happen.” He frowned at her. “I feel like you’re trying to push me into something.”

Amy fixed him with a steady look. “Imagine for a moment that you allowed yourself to pursue this attraction. What would that feel like?”

“We both know what that would feel like: terrifying. Because I got screwed over by the woman I loved, and I don’t ever want to put myself into that position again. It’s not rocket science, Dr. Freud.”

“And yet here you are, almost as if you don’t already have all the answers.”

Irritable, he huffed out a sigh.

“We’re not talking about love, Joel. We’re talking about maybe going for a coffee. About letting yourself explore your feelings of attraction.”

“What’s the point of exploring them if I’m not ready to let them go anywhere?”

“Perhaps you’re more ready than you think? You won’t know unless you allow yourself to try.” After a pause, she added, “I think it’s interesting that the first person you’ve been attracted to since Helen is a young, single parent.”

He’d thought about that himself—why Ollie Snow? Why a parent at the school? Why a hot young guy who must have a dozen better offers? “I figure it’s because he’s safe.”

“Safe?”

“There’s no danger of… reciprocation.”

“You mean like a child testing out being in love by crushing on an unobtainable movie star?”

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