Page 26 of Twice Shy

“Hey, yeah, that’s right. That’s a boot.” Ollie grinned at him, then at Joel. “New word. That’s way over a hundred now.”

Joel laughed. “You count them?”

“Yeah! I keep a list—well, I did at first, but I haven’t updated it in a while. I need to do that.”

“I’m sure you’ve got enough to do. You work, right?”

“Just in a call center. It’s not great pay but the hours are flexible, which I need right now, so...” He shrugged. “What can you do?”

“There was no…?” Joel hesitated. “No life insurance?”

“That’s in trust—it’s the boys’ college fund. I don’t want to live on it, you know? It’s for their future. It’s my job to take care of their now.”

Joel gave him a considering look. “I admire that.”

“Yeah, well.” He warmed under that approving look and fiddled with the broom. “Still means I’m broke.”

“Take it from me,” Joel said, getting back to work, “there’s a lot more to life than money.”

“In my experience, the only people who say that are people who don’t have to worry about their rent.”

After a pause, Joel said, “You’re right, I guess, but— Despite the money I earned at the bank, my life still fell apart when my wife left.” They walked on, drawing their lines. Ollie thought Joel had said his piece, but then, in a rougher voice, he added, “I’d have traded every penny I had for what you’ve got—a family.”

Not my student loans, Ollie thought. Not my incomplete master’s and derailed career, not my fear that I’m missing all my chances while I change diapers and organize play dates. But he couldn’t say any of that, could he? He shouldn’t even be thinking it. “You wanted kids?” he said instead.

“I did. My wife didn’t.”

“That’s a problem, I guess.”

“Yeah, well. Like I said, money isn’t everything. You can’t buy happiness, yada yada.” He smiled that shy smile of his. “But I get it. Things are tough when money’s tight. Of course they are.”

“The grass is always greener, huh?” Ollie hesitated before he went on, but Joel had confided in him and he wanted to return the gesture. “If it helps, there are times when I—” He glanced down at Luis, and at Rory playing further along the beach. He couldn’t love them more; they pierced his heart. But even so... “There are times when I wish I was just a regular twenty-four-year-old fresh out of grad school and starting my life.”

Joel’s expression didn’t exactly change, but his eyes softened. Kind eyes, Ollie had noticed right from the start. “You were in grad school?”

“Don’t look so surprised.”

“I’m not at all surprised, I’m—” He shook his head. “What were you studying?”

“Architecture. I even had an internship lined up.” A fantastic one in LA, as it happened. He tried not to think about that missed opportunity, but sometimes at night, or when he was feeling down, the what-ifs haunted him. “But... Well, then the accident happened, and my priorities had to change. So here I am.”

“Here you are.”

“Hey, all that studying wasn’t for nothing. I can build a kick-ass sandcastle.”

Joel smiled, although the expression didn’t quite reach his eyes. They remained serious and intent, examining Ollie as if he was a problem to unravel. His pulse spiked because that wasnota look you got from a straight guy. No way.

“Boot,” Luis said at his feet, interrupting whatever the hell was going on in that long, shared look. Frustrated, Ollie glanced down to find that Luis had successfully untied Joel’s bootlace.

“Luis!”

Luckily, Joel just laughed. “That’s pretty clever,” he said, and crouched to retie his laces. It brought him eye-to-eye with Luis, who thought it would be a good idea to tug the sunglasses off the top of Joel’s head.

“Oh no you don’t!” Ollie grabbed them off him quickly, ignoring Luis’ squawk of protest. He didnotwant to pay to replace them. “Here,” Ollie said, handing the sunglasses back as Joel got to his feet. “Sorry.”

“No problem.” Joel smiled with real warmth, enough to make Ollie’s lonely heart skip; he’d always been a sucker for gentle guys. “I think somebody’s getting bored.”

“Yeah, he’s—”

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