Page 35 of Twice Shy

Relieved, Joel handed Luis over and watched for a moment as Alyssa, carrying Luis, led a sniveling Rory toward the bathrooms. Joel turned back to Ollie. “Right.” He said it gently but brooked no argument. “This way.”

With one hand on Ollie’s shoulder he guided him out of the hall’s side door and along the empty corridor to his classroom, flicking on the light as he entered. As soon as the door closed behind them, Ollie let out a horrible distressed sound. “Shit,” he said, wiping at his face. “Shit. Fuckingshit.”

Still holding his shoulder, Joel moved him to his desk and made him sit in his chair. Ollie sank like a puppet with cut strings, folding over his knees and burying his face in his hands. His dark curls fell forward and his back shook. He was crying.

Not knowing what else to do, Joel crouched in front of him. “Hey,” he said softly. “It’s okay.”

But Ollie shook his head and in a muffled voice said, “I swore at Rory. I shouted at him.”

“He’s okay.”

Ollie jerked upright suddenly. “Where is he? I have to—”

“Alyssa’s cleaning him up. He’s fine.”

“He’s not fine! I need to apologize. I have to—”

“Ollie, stop.” Joel put both hands on his shoulders, keeping him in place. “Rory’s okay. But you need to take a moment to pull yourself together.” Ollie stared at him, ashen and tear-streaked in the bright light. Utterly freaked out. His hands shook where they lay in his lap and Joel took them in both his own. They felt cold and stiff. “What happened?” he said, keeping his voice even. “What’s wrong?”

“I, uh—” Ollie pulled one hand free and swiped at his eyes. “I was in a car accident.”

“What?” His hands tightened on Ollie’s. “When? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He sure as hell didn’t look fine. “But I totaled my fucking car. It’s not even drivable. The mechanic says it’ll cost a couple thousand bucks to fix and I don’t have—” He pressed his free hand over his mouth. Joel held the other between both his own. “I can’t afford anything like that. And without a car I can’t get to work and if I lose my job— And I can’t tell Rory what happened. He can’t know. And, shit, why did I swear at him? Oh God, he’s sick and Ishoutedat him.” He collapsed forward again, over Joel’s hands, sobbing. “I can’t do it. They were right. I can’t do this. I can’tdoit.”

“Listen, hey.” Helplessly, Joel stroked his hand lightly over the back of Ollie’s head, his dark hair thick and soft beneath his palm. To see him like this, miserable and broken, made Joel’s chest ache. He squeezed Ollie’s cold fingers, kept stroking his head. “It’s going to be okay, we’ll figure everything out. The important thing is that everyone’s okay. What—” Hell, he hoped everyone was okay. “What happened?”

Ollie shook his head, the movement brushing his hair against Joel’s hand. “I’m so fuckingstupid. I just didn’t see. It was foggy and I got distracted thinking about—” He choked off with a sob and Joel squeezed his hand. Ollie squeezed back, his strong fingers clamping hard around Joel’s. “I could have killed someone.”

“Hey,” Joel said softly, tipping Ollie’s chin up so he could see him. “You didn’t.”

“But Icouldhave. She stopped because there was a deer in the road, and I just went straight into the back of her. What if—?” He shuddered and Joel felt the tremor through his fingers. “What if she’d had kids in the back seat?”

“There’s no point in playing that game.” Joel reached for the box of Kleenex he kept on his desk and held it out.

Ollie grabbed a couple and wiped his nose and eyes. “Thanks. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’re really shaken up.”

“Pretty pathetic, huh? It was only a fender bender, for Christ’s sake.” He sucked in a wobbly breath. “I should be able to handle this.”

“Shock’s a totally normal reaction.” Especially, Joel thought, when your sister died in a road traffic accident. “Hell, you shouldn’t even be here. You should be at home. Or—Have you seen a doctor?”

“I don’t need a doctor.”

“You said you have a headache. Did you hit your head?”

“Only on the headrest, but I’m fine.” He wiped his face again, still looking miserable. “I need to find Rory. Shit”—he half jerked to his feet—“where’s Luis?”

“He’s fine. They’re both with Alyssa.” Joel eased him back down. “Don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry? Is that ajoke?”

“Okay, listen.” Joel took both Ollie’s hands in his again, making him meet his eyes. “Here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to fetch Rory and Luis and I’m going to drive you all home. Then we’ll talk about whether you need to see a doctor tonight.”

Ollie looked at him, eyes wide in his ashen face. “You don’t need to—”

“I want to, Ollie.” There was meaning in those words and he let Ollie see it, hoped he could feel it through their joined hands: an apology for his former cowardice, a promise of friendship. “Let me help you, okay?”

For a moment Ollie was silent, assessing whatever he saw in Joel’s eyes. Then he said, “Yeah, okay. Thank you.”

Joel’s heart lifted. In that moment, he felt needed and purposeful in a way that satisfied him more deeply than he dared express.

And much more than he knew was wise.

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