Page 41 of Twice Shy

Chapter Thirteen

Fall Festival, Saturday November 16th

Ollie was already at the school when Joel arrived to help set up for the festival. At least, his—Joel’s—car was parked out front. The sight of two car seats fixed in the back gave Joel pause as he walked past, his stomach clenching with an emotion he couldn’t quite pinpoint. Envy, longing, regret? Something.

Things had been odd between them since the evening he’d spent at Ollie’s apartment, and Joel couldn’t shake the feeling he’d made a mistake in walking away when he had. But if he’d stayed? If he’d stayed, he might have taken Ollie in his arms, might have gazed into those lovely brown eyes and kissed him. And then what?

Even the thought of it made him anxious, a thrum of panic beating its wings. He’d been right to leave, but there’d been something forlorn in Ollie’s eyes that night, something hopeless, that Joel had made himself ignore at the time but that had haunted him ever since. It was disrupting his hard-earned contentment, had left him antsy and unsettled for the past two weeks. These were exactly the reasons why he avoided any kind of romantic entanglement. He wasn’t even involved with Ollie and look what it was doing to him.

He’d said as much to Amy at their last meeting.

“Not involved?” She’d lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

And she’d been right, of course. Just because nothing physical had happened between them, Joelwasemotionally involved. He thought about Ollie a lot. Whenever his mind was idle, it would return to Ollie and the boys and how they were doing. When he’d opened Ollie’s refrigerator and seen it all but bare, he’d understood how close to the wire things were for Ollie. Hand to mouth, literally. It made him mad. Furious, in fact. Although who he was furious with, he didn’t know. The asshole trucker who’d wiped out Rory’s and Luis’s parents and put this enormous burden on Ollie? The kids’ grandparents who made Ollie think he couldn’t ask for help?

I’m fine. I can manage.

He wasnotfine.

Or maybe Joel was angry with himself. Because something had almost happened between them, and if it had, maybe he could have been there for Ollie. Helped him somehow. But Joel had pulled back, too afraid to go forward.

“Hey!”

He glanced around, realizing he’d stopped walking and had been staring blindly at his car. Alyssa was climbing out of her own vehicle, her husband in tow. They’d only met a couple of times, but Cam seemed like a nice guy. Quiet and bookish, he was quite different to Alyssa, a little shy, even. Joel waved to them both. Winter was on full-approach now and the day was cold, a damp penetrating wind blowing off the ocean and both Alyssa and Cam were dressed for the weather. Although most of the Fall Festival would be held inside, the grill and haystack maze would be on the sports field. Joel and Ollie would be on the grill; Alyssa and Cam were running the maze. Jackie, of course, would be on the microphone inside where it was warm.

“Ready for today?” he said as he wheeled his bike over.

Alyssa rolled her eyes. “I’m layered up and have a hot toddy in my hipflask.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s coffee,” Cam said, locking their car with a bleep.

“That’s what you think.” They shared a smile, private and amused, and Joel felt a pang of longing. He missed that, the easy intimacy between partners. Of course, when it all went wrong…

“So, I hear you’re loaning Ollie your car,” Alyssa said as they headed into the school. “That’s good of you.”

He shrugged, trying to sound casual. “I don’t really use it, and he was in quite the predicament.”

“Yeah, still.” She paused as they walked, looked up at him with overt curiosity. “It’s nice that you’re friends.”

“We’re not really.” But his cheeks were warming betrayingly. “I mean, we get on, but we don’t—”

Alyssa put a hand on his arm. “None of my business,” she said, which was frustrating because there really wasn’t anything to tell. So why did she assume there was? Had Ollie said something? No, why would he? What was there to say?

Still mulling over that thought, he locked up his bike and headed into the school hall, which was a hive of frantic activity. All kinds of stalls were set up around the edge, some run by kids selling cupcakes or holiday ornaments they’d been making in class, others run by local crafts people keen to get in on the seasonal spending spree. Jackie commanded operations with a master plan in hand, dispatching orders like a general.

But there was no sign of Ollie.

“Mr. Morgan, hello!” Jackie strode over. She was dressed head to toe in orange, with ears of corn pinned artfully into her hair. “My other half’s setting up the grill. Do be a darling and help out.”

What he wanted to ask was whether Ollie was around, but he bit back the question. He didn’t want to fuel rumors. Instead, he made his way across the hall to the fire escape doors that, today, stood open to the sports field. At least the trees surrounding it blocked the worst of the wind, but the air was still dank as he stepped outside.

Jackie’s ‘other half’—Joel believed his name was Bill—was crouching in front of a gas canister fiddling with the valve. And at the table set up behind the grill stood Ollie, setting out bottles of ketchup, mustard, and mayo while Luis played at his feet.

Joel’s stomach gave an embarrassing flip—perhaps, even a somersault—at the sight of him. He was dressed in a heavy winter coat that broadened his shoulders, and a dark woolen hat pulled low over his ears. From beneath it, his curls peeked out, looking dark in the colorless light but setting off the cold flush at the tip of his nose and the dark raspberry of his lips.

Beautiful. The word slipped into Joel’s mind before he could censor it, but that’s how Ollie looked to him. Beautiful. He hadn’t seen Joel arrive, but looked up now, perhaps aware of being watched. His smile hovered uncertainly.

“Hey.” Joel lifted his hand in a wave. Awave? Ugh.

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