Page 59 of Twice Shy

Chapter Sixteen

Ollie tried not to, but it was impossible to resist. Sharing breakfast on Sunday morning, with the sun streaming in through h the picture windows, it was impossible not to imagine Rory and Luis there too. Playing on the floor, perhaps, or running around in the yard.

Funny thing was, as hard as it sometimes was parenting them, he missed them like hell when they were apart. And as much as he’d loved his grownup weekend with Joel, he couldn’t help feeling that it would have been even better sharing it with the kids. Truth was, part of his heart was absent without them, absent and longing to be whole.

“Penny for them?” Joel smiled at him across the table. He’d forsaken his oatmeal and made a lavish brunch of bacon, eggs, and pancakes—they’d certainly worked up an appetite last night. Several times. And once more this morning.

He smiled back. “I was just thinking that the boys would love this.” He speared a chunk of pancake and swirled it through the syrup. “Rory has a sweet tooth.”

Joel blinked a couple times and said, “Bring them over. Anytime.”

“Yeah? They’d get sticky fingers all over your gorgeous house.”

“I don’t care. I told you, I love kids.” He looked down at his plate and added, “I always wanted kids.”

Ollie’s heart jumped. Oh yes, it was all too easy to imagine lazy Sundays here with Joel and the boys. But he knew he had to be careful. He couldn’t involve them in his relationship with Joel—barely even a relationship yet—until things were much more certain between them. For a start, Joel wasn’t out. Obviously, that would be a big roadblock to any kind of relationship that involved the kids. And there was no kind of long-term relationship that didn’t involve them.

But. Early days. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help saying, “Probably not a good idea to bring them over if you want to keep this on the lowdown at school.”

“Right. That’s—” Joel’s gaze darted back to him. “I guess we should keep things casual for now, anyway. Don’t you think?”

It hadn’t felt casual last night, not drowsing in Joel’s arms after that intense heart-pounding sex. Or later, eating dinner together in front of the fire, making out languidly before they fell back into bed together. None of that had felt casual, but perhaps he was being unfair. It had only been a single weekend, a vacation from real life. “Happy to take things slow,” he said, smiling to hide a flash of disappointment. “I need to anyway, for the boys’ sake. They don’t need guys coming in and out of my life.”

Joel frowned, perhaps not liking the idea of guys, plural, coming in and out of Ollie’s life. “You do have to think about what’s best for Rory and Luis.”

“On that note…” Ollie got to his feet. “It’s been a great weekend, Joel. Thank you.”

“You’re leaving?”

The regret in his voice was painfully sweet and Ollie waivered. “I need to get home, do some laundry and stuff before I go fetch the boys.”

Joel looked like he was about to object, or perhaps offer to help—and Ollie’s arm would have been easily twisted—but in the end he just stood up and said, “Okay. Yeah, I have a few… Some stuff to do, too.”

They walked to the front door together but stopped before Ollie opened it. “This was great,” he said again. “Really great.”

“It was.” Joel snagged his hand. “I don’t want you to think that because I don’t want to…to go public that I don’t…didn’t… That is”—he looked pained—“it was amazing. All of it.”

Ollie smiled and squeezed his fingers, his earlier unease melting. “It was.”

“I’d like to do it again. I mean, see you again.”

But nowhere near school, of course. “After Thanksgiving, then, I guess? We’re spending it with the Palmers.”

“Right, yeah.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, hair that Ollie now knew felt heavy and satiny running through his fingers. “Happy Thanksgiving, then.”

“You too.” Ollie leaned in and kissed him, a semi-chaste parting that lingered hopefully before Ollie pulled himself away and headed back out into the real world.

∞∞∞

Thanksgiving was…difficult.

Joel got a lot of work done around the house, stripped all the paper off the third bedroom and tried out several paint samples. Distraction, Amy would have called it. Avoidance. She’d have been right.

Problem was, he missed Ollie. A lot.

The house felt empty, his bed felt emptier, and it reminded him terrifyingly of the weeks and months after Helen left. To be frank, it freaked him out that he could miss someone so much after one weekend together. But what did he expect? He always fell too fast.

He didn’t bother asking Amy for an appointment. She wasn’t his relationship adviser and, anyway, he knew she wouldn’t be available over the holiday weekend. This was something he had to handle himself, like the grownup he was supposed to be.

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