Page 60 of Twice Shy

The weekend he’d shared with Ollie had been special, but it had left him feeling vulnerable. Open to pain in a way he’d spent years avoiding. Was it worth it? When he remembered how he’d felt with Ollie in his arms he couldn’t regret a moment. God, how had he forgotten the glorious joy of good sex? Or had sex never felt quite so glorious before?

Either way, when he thought about how he’d felt then, or how he’d felt when they’d cycled up to the old lighthouse together, or made out in front of the fire, he thought it probablywasworth it.

But that feeling had been happiness. Dangerous, and fragile as a soap bubble. He knew just how he’d feel when it popped.

None of which had stopped him from texting Ollie over the weekend or kept his stomach from cramping and swooping whenever he heard the friendly ping of a message alert. They talked music (Joel preferred political podcasts), TV (both were hooked on police procedurals), sport (Ollie preferred theater, Joel was a Yankees fan, but both agreed they could learn to like the other) and generally goofed about. Ollie sent a couple of adorable selfies with the kids, and Joel sent one back of himself in his paint-spattered overalls holding a paint roller—he wrote in the text ‘My thanksgiving’ and hoped he didn’t look too lonely.

So it wasn’t a surprise when, lying in bed late on Sunday night, a new message popped up on his phone. In fact, Joel had been anticipating it.

Ollie: Home! Also, Christmas Market on Sat 2pm. You going? Jackie’s rounding up volunteers...

The charity Christmas Market had been running for a couple years, held in a church parking lot in downtown New Milton. Some of the older kids from school sang carols around the Christmas tree to raise money, and the PTA ran a stand selling Christmas decorations handmade by the kids. Joel had helped the past couple years.It would be a way they could spend time together without anyone jumping to conclusions—as long as they were careful not to give themselves away.

He replied:Sure. Fun way to start the buildup to Christmas & there’s going to be a Santa & sleigh this year for the kids.

Ollie replied instantly, and Joel could picture him lying in bed with his phone. It was a picture that thrilled him.Sounds good, I’ll tell Jackie I’ll be there. But are you free sooner? Tuesday night?

Joel: What did you have in mind?

The little dancing dots signaling that Ollie was typing came and went a couple times, then his reply popped up:Pizza and Scrabble?

Joel replied with nothing more than a smiley face.

Remembering that the next morning made him grin, even as he cycled into the school parking lot with a biting wind in his face. He was still smiling when Jackie Olsen popped her head out of the school office and said, “Mr. Morgan? Do you have a moment?”

Perhaps so many thoughts of Ollie had dulled his perceptions, because he didn’t notice that Jackie was uncomfortable until she led him to the easy chairs in a quiet corner of the school library and sat down, legs crossed defensively. He felt a pang of unease as she offered a tense smile. “How was your Thanksgiving, Mr. Morgan?”

“Good. How can I help you, Jackie?” He preferred to cut to the chase.

Jackie cleared her throat. “It’s been brought to my attention that one of the parents on the PTA committee is a…a homosexual.”

His jaw tensed. “If you mean Ollie Snow, then, yes. He’s gay. So what? Everyone knows he’s gay.”

“Obviously,Idon’t mind. Butsomeparents—"

“I don’t see why it’s anyone’s business. Including yours.”

She flushed, color rising beneath the powder on her cheeks. “Well…if you’ll let me finish. I wanted to make you aware of a certain rumor circulating about Mr. Snow.”

Joel’s heart jolted painfully. “What rumor?”

“I’m sure it’s nonsense.” Her blush deepened. “I know you had a wife. But there’s a rumor that you and Mr. Snow are…involved.”

It was difficult to catch his breath, to get enough air into his lungs to respond. The room was too bright, too hot, too vivid. A distant part of his brain recognized he was spiraling into panic, but he felt too far away to prevent it.

Thinking of you fucking a man? It makes me sick to my stomach, Joel.

His head swum, cold sweat standing out on his forehead. Christ, was the whole school discussing him? Judging him? What a damn fool he’d been to think he could handle this again.

“Like I said,Idon’t mind. But, because you’re a teacher,someparents—"

“It’s not true,” Joel blurted. “I’m not involved with anyone.”

After a pause, Jackie said, “I see. Well. I just wanted you to be aware of the rumor—you know what people can be like.”

“Yes.” Joel stood, stiff-legged and tense. He felt dizzy but refused to sit back down. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t spread the…rumor any further.”

Jackie looked up at him, one hand pressed to her chest. “Mr. Morgan, I’m the soul of discretion.”

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