Page 62 of Twice Shy

“Me too,” Joel said. “A lot.”

Another look passed between them, lingering and enquiring, each trying to get a read on the other. It was only broken by the soft beeping of an oven timer. Ollie smiled, “Take a seat, I’ll be back in a sec.”

Joel sat. He’d left his shoes downstairs by the door and tucked one socked-foot under him on the sofa. It was, he realized now he looked more closely, a sofa bed, and jammed between it and the wall were pillows and a duvet. Because, of course, this was a one bed apartment. The reality of what that meant hit like a splash of cold water: Ollie didn’t even have his own bedroom.

“It’s a bit further from the kids’ room,” Ollie was saying as he padded back in, carrying a plate piled with pizza. “They’re pretty good, though, once they’re asleep. TV doesn’t bother them. I can even go in there and put their laundry away without waking them up.” He smiled and set down the plate. “Want to catch a little CSI while we eat?”

Joel did, and it was perfect. Got even better once they’d finished eating and Ollie rearranged himself close enough that Joel could rest his arm along the back of the sofa and let his fingers toy with the hair next to Ollie’s ear. The contact made Ollie look over, eyes smiling, and then lean in to rest his head against Joel’s shoulder. And that? That got Joel’s stomach fluttering. Wrapping an arm around him, Joel drew him closer and smiled when Ollie’s hand settled on his leg.

“This is nice,” Ollie said, snuggling in.

Joel kissed his hair. It smelled like apple-scented shampoo. “Yeah.”

For a while, they sat like that, Joel’s fingers drawing slow patterns on Ollie’s arm, Ollie’s thumb stroking backward and forward over Joel’s thigh—affectionate, lightly arousing. A promise of more. Joel felt content and…yes, there it was, that soaring treacherous emotion: happiness. He felt happy, sitting there with Ollie snug against him, watching TV together. A simple pleasure, but those were the most easily lost.

Talking of which…

“Jackie had a word with me yesterday.”

Ollie lifted his head, looked at him. His eyes were dark in the lamplight, a delicious deep toffee brown. “About what?”

“Apparently there’s a rumor about us going around school.”

Ollie’s expression was difficult to read. “Okay.”

“Did you…? Did you say anything? Tell anyone or—?”

“Me? No.” He sat up, pulling out of Joel’s arms. “I told you I wouldn’t.”

“It’s just that I can’t work out where it could have started.”

“Well it wasn’t from me.” He sounded offended and moved to sit on the edge of the sofa, elbows on knees and shoulders hunching forward. “Is it a problem for you? At school, I mean.”

“You know it could be, with certain parents.”

Ollie ran his fingers through his hair. “So…what did you tell her?”

“I, um…” A wave of prickling unease crept down his spine. Or maybe it was shame, again.

“You denied it.” Ollie gave him a flat look out the corner of his eye and something knotted in Joel’s chest.

“It’s nobody’s business but ours. And it’s still so new. You’re the first person I’ve… The first person I’ve wanted to…to…be with since Helen. I’m still trying to deal with that.” He fell silent, and when Ollie didn’t speak, Joel added, “I know that probably sounds lame. But I struggled for a long time after Helen left—this is frightening.”

Ollie considered him, but he looked less stiff, warmth returning to his eyes. “Frightening?”

“And exciting.” Joel tentatively reached out and Ollie took his hand, squeezing his fingers. “I just can’t deal with people gossiping about us yet.”

“I’m not keen on secrets,” Ollie said, then paused for a moment and frowned. “But I guess I do understand needing to keep some…elements of your life private. At least until they’re, uh, resolved.”

“That’s it exactly.” Joel threaded their fingers together. “I just need to take things slowly. If that’s okay with you?”

Shifting closer, Ollie smiled. “Yeah, slow’s okay. But I promised I wouldn’t say anything, Joel, and I need you to trust me. It’s important.”

“I know,” he said, squeezing his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Good.” Ollie ran a knuckle over his cheekbone, eyebrows rising invitingly. “So, you still up for some ‘Scrabble’?”

Joel laughed, a burst of relief after the tension. “Is it safe? With the kids next door, I mean.”

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