Page 68 of Twice Shy

What were the odds, he wondered, of both him and Luca being gay? He had no idea if that was common among siblings, but he was glad of it in his case—it gave them something in common beyond an asshole father. Perhaps it was even something they could bond over eventually.

Not that he’d gotten any further in approaching Luca again. His abortive attempt to visit him at the Majestic had put him off. He couldn’t shake the idea that the accident had been an omen. Or a warning. Which was bullshit, of course. Nevertheless, it had put him off. Or perhaps it had just played into his underlying inclination to avoid another confrontation. Because there was no guarantee that Luca would respond any differently this time than he had the first. What if he really wanted nothing to do with Ollie and the boys? If that were the case, what the hell was Ollie even doing in New Milton? He might as well—

“Hey.”

He jerked his eyes away from Luca and found Joel watching him with an unreadable expression. “Sorry, I was…”Debating whether my secret half-brother wants to let me into his life.Yeah, that was a story for another day. Not that it was his story to tell, not yet. As far as Ollie was concerned, the truth about his relationship to Luca was Luca’s secret to keep or reveal in his own time; this was his home town, after all, and these were his family and friends. Ollie plastered on a smile, rubbing at his sandy eyes with the heel of one hand. “Are we all set up?”

“I reckon so.” Joel’s attention shifted to Dee’s stand. “You sure you don’t want that coffee? You look dead on your feet.”

Ollie glanced back at Luca. He was laughing at something Theo was saying, easy and affectionate. He felt a pang of envy and looked away. “Now that you mention it…” The sleepless night was catching up fast and he felt weary to the core. Not just sleepy but dog tired.

“Hazelnut latte?” Joel suggested, coming out from behind the stall.

Up closer, Ollie could see warmth in his eyes again. He wished he could just lean in for a moment, feel Joel’s arms around him. “Let me give you some money—”

“My treat.” Joel hesitated, poised on the cusp of saying something more, and then shook his head. “Won’t be long.”

Ollie watched him join the line behind Luca. For a moment he indulged his imagination and pictured them together as his family: a partner, and a brother—two brothers, including Theo. A second father and two uncles for Rory and Luis. His heart gave a hard, hopeful kick.

Fuck, he really must be sleep deprived; he was dreaming on his feet.

∞∞∞

Joel’s emotions were a snarled knot.

He could feel eyes on him the whole time, watching for clues about his feelings for Ollie. And, oh boy, did he have feelings for Ollie. Strong, frightening feelings that he didn’t want to share with the whole world, thank you very much. It didn’t help that Ollie looked so weary today, or that Joel longed to hug him but didn’t dare. Not in public, with people watching. Which made him feel crappy and craven.

But ‘people’ weren’t the only ones doing the watching. Ollie’s gaze was fixed on Luca Moretti. Again. Every time the man showed up, Ollie’s attention gravitated toward him. Not that Moretti wasn’t a nice-looking guy, but there was something about the way Ollie studied him that went beyond attraction. He wondered again whether they knew each other better than either were letting on. And, more worryingly, whether Ollie saw in Moretti something he needed. Something missing in Joel.

Standing in line behind Moretti and his fiancé as they ordered their drinks, he watched Moretti’s hand resting affectionately on the small of Theo’s back. Was that what fascinated Ollie? Moretti’s openness and authenticity? Well, why wouldn’t he want that in a partner? Why wouldn’t he want to be with someone more like himself? Someone overtly gay.

Joel’s heart gave an uneasy triple beat, as if it had frightened itself. Helen had wanted to be with someone more like herself, hadn’t she? Someone overtly straight.

He glanced back at the stand where Ollie was finessing the display. As he watched, Ollie’s attention shifted in the direction of Dee’s stand, but Joel couldn’t tell whether he was looking at him or at Moretti.

“Let me guess,” Dee said when Joel finally reached the counter. “One skinny and one hazelnut latte?”

Joel forced a smile and handed over his reusable coffee cup. Could Dee be the source of the rumors? She certainly spoke to enough people, and she’d seen them together after the beach fun run. They’d been flirting in her coffee shop that afternoon. “Yes, please,” he said. “Mr. Snow and I are running the PTA stand together. Jackie’s up at the school.”

Dee chuckled. “I bet she is. I hear Josh and Finn are helping with the choir?”

“That’s right.” He relaxed at the change of subject. “It’s nice for the kids, huh?”

“Oh, Josh always loved teaching up at the school,” Dee said as she busied herself making his order. “I think he misses it despite his fancy new Hollywood lifestyle.”

“Maybe he misses itbecauseof his fancy Hollywood lifestyle?” Joel could imagine that the pressures of a high octane LA life were similar to the ones he’d left behind in Manhattan. One thing the past four years had taught him was that success and contentment were two very different beasts, and he wouldn’t go back to his old life for all the money on Wall Street.

Dee snapped the lid onto his cup. “But you only have to see them together to know they’re happy. Find the right person, everything else falls into place.”

“Until it falls apart.” He surprised himself by saying that out loud.

“If it falls apart it’s because it wasn’t the right person to begin with.” Dee held his gaze as she pushed their drinks towards him over the counter. “That’s six dollars, flat.”

He paid, considering her advice while he waited for change. Helen had felt like the right person to him, but in the end he hadn’t been the right person for her. “How can you know?” he said, when she handed him his change. “How can you ever know who the right person is?”

“You can’t. It’s a leap of faith.”

“Leaps of faith tend to leave you flat on your face.”

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