Page 69 of Twice Shy

“But sometimes you fly.” Her gaze flicked to where Ollie stood behind their stand. “If you don’t leap, you’ll never know which way it’s going to go.”

“I prefer to keep my feet on the ground,” he said, picking up their coffees. “It’s safer that way.”

“I guess you think so.”

He was still trying to figure out whether he’d just been insulted when he got back to the stand. Luis was sleeping in his stroller and Ollie looked about ready to join him, but he smiled gratefully at the sight of the coffee. “Thanks,” he said, deliberately brushing his fingers over Joel’s hand as he took the cup.

Even that small touch thrilled him, yet he couldn’t help glancing around uneasily and pulling his hand away before someone saw. Not that anyone was watching—no one except Ollie. His mouth tightened but he didn’t comment, just wrapped both hands around his cup and turned to survey the market. It was filling up now, plenty of parents eager to see their children performing. Joel felt an apology form on his lips but swallowed it back down because hewasn’tsorry. They needed to be careful if they wanted to keep their private life private, here of all places.

Something was going on near the entrance to the market, people gathering and a rising buzz of conversation. He looked over and Ollie said, “Hey Rory, I think Santa might be on his way.”

“Santa? Where? I can’t see.”

“C’mere.” Ollie set his coffee down and lifted Rory onto his shoulders. “See anything?”

“Yes! It’s him. He’s here! Hi Santa!” Ollie laughed, and they made such a perfect picture together that Joel wished he could reach out and touch. He wanted to squeeze Ollie’s shoulder, cover his hand where he had a firm grip of Rory’s ankle. He yearned to be part of what they had together.

A family.

His stomach lurched at the realization. He’d wanted that with Helen, longed for it so badly it had destroyed him when the possibility had been ripped away. What the hell was he doing looking for it again?

He must have been staring because Ollie looked over, a question in his eyes. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” No. He was risking everything he’d worked for since Helen left, overturning his hard-won emotional equanimity and replacing it with sharp spikes of happiness and deep troughs of longing. What the hell was he doing, falling for a guy who couldn’t keep his eyes off another man?

“Nobody saw that,” Ollie said quietly, referring to their brief brush of fingers. “You don’t have to worry.”

Joel shook his head, staring out across the crowds. “It’s not that.”

Santa and an overgrown elf were leading the parade, followed by children in Santa hats and reindeer antlers, all singingJingle Bells. He spotted Jackie in full Mrs. Claus regalia at the back, walking between Josh Newton and Finn Callaghan.

Ollie sighed, shifting restlessly next to him. “Then what?”

Joel opened his mouth to explain.It’s that I’m falling in love with you, it’s that I’m afraid I won’t be enough.

But he couldn’t say that, so he said nothing at all.

So much for keeping his feet on the ground. Turned out he was already in freefall and with no idea whether he was going to take flight or die on impact.

---