Page 78 of Twice Shy

Chapter Twenty

The Callaghan Christmas Party, Saturday December 21st

Most days, Joel was happy cycling wherever he needed to go. But not when he’d spent an unreasonable amount of time grooming himself so that he looked his best for the Big Conversation he planned to have with Ollie. Not to mention the sub-zero temperatures that had howled in from the north east during the week.

Naturally, he could have asked Ollie for a ride, but how would that have looked? Like they were a couple, that’s how, and tonight was not the night he planned on coming out to half the town. One step at a time. Tonight’s step was big enough without revealing his sexuality to all the movers and shakers of New Milton.

So, he’d taken a cab.

This was the first time he’d been invited to the Callaghan’s shindig, and—if he was honest—the first year he’d have wanted to attend. As he climbed out of the cab, giving a generous tip because it was a cold night and close to the holidays, he couldn’t deny that he was impressed by the house. A stately red-brick affair lit up with tasteful Christmas lights twinkling around a front door that bore a generous festive wreath. From the windows, golden light poured out across the large driveway, glinting against the many cars parked there. His eyes picked out his own car immediately and his stomach danced with the knowledge that Ollie was already inside.

They hadn’t seen each other since the night of the market, although they’d messaged a few times. After his session with Amy, Joel had needed time to think about the conversation to come. And now he was ready. Nervous, but ready.

There’d been a time when he’d been at ease in this kind of social environment, networking with a ready smile and a glass of champagne in hand. That, along with everything else, had been knocked out of him when his mental health had collapsed, and tonight he felt like he was seeing his old world through new eyes. Sean Callaghan and his wife, Tejana, were the kind of people he’d known before. Charming, wealthy and smart. They wore their prosperity easily, but it was there for all to see. And once it would have snared him, captivated him, but tonight it felt as insignificant as dust. Tonight, his eyes sought out one person only—Ollie Snow, who was neither wealthy nor sophisticated but who drew Joel in like an enchantment.

Ollie stood talking to Alyssa, smiling and bright-eyed. Joel couldn’t have said what he was wearing, his attention fixed only on the face that had, over the past couple months, become dear to him. Ollie’s was the one face he sought in a crowd, the smile that touched his heart and made him happy even when happiness terrified him. Ollie lit him up like nobody ever had and it was an effort not to rush across the room and tell him so, right there with the world watching.

But he did smile when Ollie glanced over with a twinkling grin. Charmed, Joel crossed the room to come and stand at his side. “Hi,” he said, smiling into Ollie’s eyes for as long as he dared, then turned to Alyssa and Cam. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Awesomely.” Alyssa grinned. “Have you seen the buffet in the kitchen? It’s amazing.”

“The champagne’s not bad, either.” Cam slipped an arm around Alyssa’s waist. “I’m trying to keep this one from drooling all over Finn Callaghan.”

“Oh, stop it.” She slapped lightly at his chest, smiling up at him. “He’s not all that.”

“Uh-huh.” But he was smiling too, with the same besotted look in his eye that Joel was afraid might show in his own.

He glanced at Ollie who gave a cautious smile. “Think I’m gonna check out the buffet. I deliberately didn’t eat dinner tonight.”

“I’ll come with you,” Joel said, checking his hand which had involuntarily reached for Ollie.

The kitchen was busy and the buffet generous. Joel was glad he’d had a light lunch. “Is Nia babysitting tonight?” he asked as he followed Ollie, plate in hand, around the large kitchen table.

“Yep. Like Cinderella, I need to be home by midnight or I’ll turn into a pumpkin.”

Joel laughed. “I think it’s the coach that turns into a pumpkin.”

“Then, I guess I’ll be leaving a sneaker behind for a handsome prince to find.” He glanced up and flashed a smile. Too aware of other people around them, Joel looked away, embarrassed by the heat in his cheeks. Ollie sighed. “Now I just need to find the handsome prince…”

And Joel had probably deserved that. He sighed, too, internally where nobody could hear. What he needed to do was get Ollie alone and say his piece, ask him about Moretti and put himself on the line—talk about where he hoped their relationship might go, and why it terrified him.

He followed Ollie out of the kitchen and back into the elegant living room where people were sitting and standing around, talking and eating and generally getting into the festive spirit. Ollie made his way toward the gaggle of other parents from the PTA, but they weren’t the only people there Joel recognized. He spotted Dee talking to Alfie Carter and his boyfriend, Leo Novak. Awkwardly he waved with the hand holding his drink and Dee waved back, then leaned in and said something to Alfie who laughed and glanced over with a wave of his own.

Joel didn’t dare imagine what Dee might have said; the odds of her being the town gossip were high.

By the time he reached the PTA group, Ollie had wedged himself next to Jackie on a sofa, balancing his plate on his knee and laughing at something she’d said. Joel stood awkwardly nearby, wishing he could perch on the arm of the sofa next to Ollie and join in with the laughter and knowing that the only person stopping him was himself.

His frustration wasn’t helped by the sight of Luca Moretti and Theo Wishart standing near the darkened French windows, talking to Josh Newton. Or by the number of times Ollie’s gaze darted in their direction. At least, he thought bitterly, it would make raising the subject easier. Whether he wanted to hear the answer to his question was another matter entirely.

At the other end of the large room, where the lights were dimmer and the music louder, people had started dancing. He was surprised to see Finn Callaghan bopping away with the visibly pregnant Liz Benton until he remembered they’d briefly dated a few years ago—before Finn had surprised everyone by running off with Josh Newton instead.

Would that be how it was for him, if he came out and started openly dating Ollie? Easy, casual acceptance of his bisexuality? He thought not. Finn was a bigshot TV actor, he didn’t take people’s kids for homeroom. People like him could get away with anything and still be accepted.

“We should dance,” Alyssa said, returning from the kitchen with another glass of champagne. “Anyone want to dance? Ollie? Cam never dances.”

“I don’t,” Cam agreed with a tipsy smile.

Alyssa tugged on Ollie’s arm, pulling him to his feet. But Ollie shook his head, looking distracted. “Maybe later? I need to…”

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