Page 83 of Twice Shy

He stood there listening to the snap of his coat whipping in the wind and had the strange thought that, if he didn’t move, if he just stood there, the sea would rise and swallow him whole. Washing all the confusion and anxiety away.

Into that noisy windblown silence intruded a voice, the high piping cries of an excited child calling his name. “Mr. Morgan!”

Eyes opening, he turned, blinking into the brightness of the gray sky reflecting off the water, to see Rory Palmer running down the beach toward him. Joel’s heart leaped because Ollie was following behind with Luis, hands deep in his coat pockets, hair flying about in the wind.

He wasn’t wearing a hat. He must be freezing.

“Mr. Morgan!” Rory shouted again, running full tilt at him.

Joel had no choice but to crouch and catch him, and in other circumstances he would have laughed at Rory’s wild enthusiasm. Today, his eyes burned. “Hey Rory,” he said, setting the boy on his feet. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re having a romp on the beach!” He grinned, eyes bright and cheeks flushed pink with the cold. Unlike Ollie, Rory’s ears were hidden beneath a woolly hat and his little hands were snug in mittens. “Will you romp with us?”

“I, um…” Ollie hovered at the edge of his awareness and when Joel looked, he saw him staring out to sea. The wind blew his curls back from his face and he hunched into his jacket, looking cold. Joel pushed to his feet. “Let me speak to Ollie first, okay?”

“Swing me?” Rory said, tugging on his hand.

“Maybe later. Hey, Luis.” The toddler had come to investigate, bundled up in a snow suit against the wind. Only Ollie kept his distance, but he wasn’t so far away that Joel missed the clench of his jaw. He needed to speak to him, but not with the kids around. “Hey, you know what?” he said to Rory. “I saw some driftwood over there. See that pile, up by the dunes? Why don’t you guys go see if you can bring me back a really big piece. I’m just going to talk to Ollie, then I’ll come look.”

Rory didn’t look one hundred percent convinced by this game, but Joel had used his teacher voice and Rory did as he was told, Luis doing his best to keep up on his stubby legs. Keeping one eye on them, Joel edged closer to Ollie. He still hadn’t turned away from the ocean, his face pale, freckles standing out across the bridge of his nose and along his cheekbones. Bleached of color by the winter light, there wasn’t even a hint of auburn in his dark hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me Luca’s your brother?” It was difficult to speak quietly over the buffeting wind; he felt like he was shouting.

Ollie pressed his lips together. “Who told you that?”

“Theo. But why didn’tyoutell me?”

“Because it’s none of your business.”

“But I could have helped you!”

Ollie’s eyes blazed. “I didn’t need yourhelp.”

That stung. “Okay. Fine. I thought—” He swallowed the words, or tried to, but his throat was thick and painful. “Right.”

“Why did you assume I was fucking him?”

The harsh word jolted him, didn’t sound right from Ollie somehow, and Joel’s eyes darted towards the kids. But they were well out of earshot. “Because you hid—”

“You thought I was a cheat. Unreliable. Promiscuous. Flighty. Oh, I’ve heard them all, Joel, don’t worry.” He turned to face him, the wind whipping his hair into his eyes, “I know exactly what you think of me.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“I know you didn’t trust me.”

“I—” The wind seemed to steal his words, rip them from his lips before he could speak. “Youdidn’t trustme. You could have told me any time about Luca, but you—”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell!”

Helplessly, Joel put out a hand towards him. “Look. Okay, I’m sorry about what I said, but Theo—”

“No buts, Joel. You don’t trust me. You…you think I’m a liar. You think I’d screw a guy who’s engaged to someone else.” He shoved his hands into his wild hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “That really fucking hurts.”

“I don’t—” Joel’s voice gave way. “That’s not what I think.”

“It’s what you thought last night.”

“Ollie, please…”

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