Page 86 of Twice Shy

His voice sounded flat, very unlike himself, and Joel sat back down with a jolt.

“I, um…” Ollie cleared his throat and in a louder voice said, “I’ve decided to leave New Milton and move back to Woodbury, to be closer to the boys’ grandparents.”

A chorus of dismay broke out around the table. But not from Joel; his throat had closed, eyes burning. He didn’t dare blink, couldn’t breathe. Ollie wasleaving?

“I’ll be moving over Spring Break,” Ollie went on doggedly, not once looking at Joel. “I want Rory to have a couple of months to settle at his new school before the summer.”

“What a shame we’re losing you,” Alyssa said, and Joel could feel her eyes on him even though she was talking to Ollie. “But if it’s best for you and the kids then it’s the right thing to do.”

“I hope it is.” His voice sounded rusty and uncertain. “Things haven’t really worked out for me here like I’d hoped, so…” His bright, shaky smile did nothing to hide his distress. “Fresh start, I guess. Again.” A murmur of concern followed as he got to his feet, clearly emotional and not afraid of showing it—unlike Joel, stewing in silent misery. “You guys are gonna make me cry,” Ollie said with a wobbly laugh, “but thanks everyone for…for making me welcome at the school. I’ll be around for a couple more months, so happy to help at the Valentine’s Ball or…you know, anything else.”

“Oh Ollie…” Alyssa said, full of empathy.

“Sorry.” Ollie grabbed his coat, his voice wavering. “I have to go now.”

And he went, hurrying toward the door while Joel sat stiff and silent for another agonized moment. He felt like all eyes were on him, like everyone knew that his heart was tearing apart. And suddenly he didn’t care. Nothing could make this feel worse. Ollie wasleaving. And Joel couldn’t let him, not like this. He wouldn’t. Scrambling to his feet, he shot out of the bar after him, heedless of the startled reaction behind him.

Ollie was halfway across the parking lot, hunched against the sleety rain, by the time Joel spotted him. “Ollie!” he shouted, running after him through the cold stinging rain. “Wait!”

Ollie didn’t stop. Not until Joel snagged his arm and turned him. He had his hood up and his face was lost in shadow beneath it, eyes gleaming. “What?” he snapped, tugging his arm free.

“You’re leaving?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Ollie stared, then gave an incredulous laugh. “You know why.”

“Because…because ofme?”

His lips were a compressed white line. “You and Luca, yes.”

“No.” Joel reached for his arm. “Ollie, don’t—”

“I have to!” He backed up. “I can’t…cope on my own. I can’t do it. I’ve screwed everything up and the boys deserve better. So much fucking better than I can give them.”

“That’s not true. Ollie, you’re a great dad—”

“I’m not!” His face was rain-wet, hair flat to his forehead, eyes stark in the street lights. “I came here because of Luca. I thought I could…could make a family for them here. But I can’t. It was stupid.Iwas stupid. So I’m going back. They were right; I can’t do it on my own.”

“Who’s they?”

“Ha!” He sounded almost hysterical. “Everyone, Joel. Every fucking person who thinks I’m unreliable. And that includes you.”

“It doesn’t! I—”

“Bullshit.” The wind tugged the hood back from Ollie’s face, left him bleak and colorless in the night. “At least be honest. Did you ever really believe this would work?”

Joel opened his mouth to answer, but no words came.

“You didn’t, did you? You were waiting for me to bail all along. Bail or cheat or— Or reject you like Helen did? Is that it?” Ollie’s expression sagged, raindrops clinging to his dark lashes. He looked cold and miserable. “I get it now—you never believed in us, Joel. And maybe it’s not about me. Maybe you can’t trust anybody. But Ineedto be trusted by the man I—” His voice cracked and he swallowed. “By anyone in my life.”

With that he turned away and Joel let him go, watching through the rain as he reached his beat-up old car and climbed inside. The engine coughed into life, headlights flaring through the rain as Ollie peeled out of the parking lot.

Only once Ollie was gone did Joel realize he was frozen to his bones. Soaked through and shivering, he stood in the parking lot and let the rain fall. He’d run out without his coat—and without his keys, wallet, and phone. He’d have to go back inside and face the others before he could go home. With Ollie’s accusations ringing in his ears, he trudged back to the Rock House.

You never believed in us, Joel.

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