Page 87 of Twice Shy

And it was true, wasn’t it? Amy had already pointed it out to him. He’d gone into the relationship assuming it would fail, trying to protect himself against the inevitability of Ollie’s betrayal. But in the end it was his fear, not Ollie, that had destroyed everything. Stifled it before it even had a chance to grow.

His throat closed as he pushed open the door and stumbled back into the Rock House. His fingers were numb, hair plastered to his head, water streaming over his face. Rain, or something else. He scrubbed at his eyes but couldn’t stop the tears. What a damned fool he must look.

The PTA crowd were on their feet, milling near the booth as if they’d been about to leave, but they were watching him now. He saw their expressions clearly, a mixture of concern and confusion.

“I—” His throat seized, and an embarrassing sound left his lips. “It’s my fault he’s leaving.”

“Oh no.” Alyssa was at his side, her arm around his shoulder, drawing him back to the booth. “Come on, sit down. Jackie, go and get him a coffee. And ask Kylee if she has a towel back there.”

Jackie complied without comment, and as Joel slid onto the bench seat, he found the other women sliding back into the booth around him. “Take off that sweater,” one of them—Holly—advised. “It’s sopping wet. And then put your jacket on. You’ll soon warm up.”

That was probably a good idea. He did as he was told, feeling foolish but unexpectedly cared for as Alyssa handed him his coat. He was still shivering when Jackie came over carrying a spectacular looking concoction of creamy coffee. “With a splash of brandy,” she said, setting it before him with an understanding smile. “For medicinal reasons.”

Joel laughed, but bit it back in case it transformed into a sob. “Thanks,” he managed, wrapping his hands around the hot mug and letting its warmth sink into his fingers.

“Here you go, honey.” The woman from behind the bar came over with a towel. “Boy you did get wet!”

Alyssa took it with a smile of thanks and handed it to Joel so he could dry his face and scrub the towel over his hair. It was probably standing up in spikes, but better than having water dripping down the back of his neck.

“Well?” Alyssa said, once he was settled with his coffee and feeling warmth kindle in his bones.

“He doesn’t have to talk about it if he doesn’t want to,” Jackie said, which was a turn-up for the books. “We don’t want to gossip.”

“But I think he does want to.” Alyssa’s dark eyes caught his. “Right?”

And maybe shewasright. He’d been so afraid of the world seeing him like this, exposed and ashamed after another failed relationship, that he’d done everything in his power to prevent it from happening. But none of it had worked. In fact, all he’d done was drive Ollie away and make this moment inevitable. So here he was, falling apart in front of the very people he’d tried to hide from, and it turned out that it didn’t matter. Nothing could make losing Ollie worse. And talking might even help. He wasn’t blind to the irony.

Tightening his hands on his mug, he said, “I’ve…messed things up with Ollie.” Interest piqued around the table and, glancing up, Joel found half a dozen pairs of eyes on him. To his surprise, he saw no shock in any of them, a little surprise, maybe, a few pink cheeks, but no distaste, only curiosity and concern. “We started seeing each other just before Thanksgiving.”

“Wait.” Jackie raised a hand. “Wait…so youaregay now?

Alyssa snorted. “Oh my God, Jackie. Really?”

“What? I’m just clarifying—”

“No, it’s okay.” Joel cleared his throat nervously. “I’m not gay, Jackie. I’m bisexual. And it’s not new, I’ve always been bi.”

There, said it.

“But you told me the rumor about you and Mr. Snow wasn’t true,” she said, sounding genuinely put out.

“Gee, I wonder why?” Alyssa said darkly. “Jackie, why were you even asking?”

“I…” She looked flustered. “Someparents—”

“Are assholes. Are you one of them?”

Her face colored and she put both hands to her cheeks, eyes glistening. “No. Of course not. It’s just I…” She blinked at Joel and said, quietly, “I’m sorry. I suppose I never really thought of ‘gay’ as being like…like this.”

Joel laughed bleakly. “Wet and miserable?”

“No. Well, yes. I mean…romantic.”

“Trust me,” Joel said, “this isnotromantic.”

Jackie opened her mouth to say more, but Alyssa cut her off. “That’s enough, Jackie. This isn’t about you. It’s about how Joel fucked things up with Ollie, and what he’s going to do about it.” He looked at her, surprised by the language, and she rolled her eyes. “What? You think PTA moms don’t swear? We’re off the clock. Now come on, spill.”

That provoked an unexpected laugh, and not only from him. Around the table, everyone relaxed and leaned in closer. Even Jackie. Far from feeling intrusive, their interest felt supportive. Even helpful. He lifted his coffee and took a sip, welcoming the kick of the brandy. He braced himself for what he had to confess. “I, um... accused him of having an affair with a guy who’s engaged.” The collective intake of breath from his audience made Joel wince. “I know. And he wasn’t, obviously.”

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