Page 97 of Twice Shy

The familiar scent of Joel’s home greeted them, a mixture of wood polish and pine that Ollie had learned to love. Through the open-plan living area he saw everyone out in the yard. Luca stood behind the grill, and the aroma of chicken and steak made Ollie’s stomach growl despite having spent all afternoon flipping burgers. Luca was laughing at something going on further into the yard. Ollie couldn’t see, but he could hear Rory’s laughter too and imagined he was in on the joke. Or possibly the comedian. Eager to join in, he headed down the hall, but Joel’s grip on his hand tightened and stopped him.

Turning, Ollie gave him a curious look. “Okay?”

“Yes.” But Joel didn’t move, didn’t let go of his hand. “There’s something I want to show you first. Upstairs.”

Ollie raised his eyebrows. “Not that I don’t enjoy seeing it, but is now really the time?”

Joel’s tense expression softened into a smile. “Not that, doofus. Come on.”

Intrigued, and unaccountably nervous—or maybe excited?—Ollie let Joel lead him upstairs. They didn’t go to Joel’s bedroom, but headed further down the hall, past the spare room which the boys used when they slept over, sharing a double bed in their little sleeping bags, to the fourth bedroom Joel had been working on turning into a home office.

Unsure what to expect, Ollie just watched as Joel drew him to a halt outside the closed door. Joel was nervous, Ollie could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. He cleared his throat. “I, um… Well. Let me just show you.” He turned the handle and pushed open the door, leading Ollie into a beautifully decorated room: walls a delicate eggshell blue, a warm hardwood floor, sunshine spilling in through wide windows overlooking the yard and the trees beyond it. A dresser stood beneath the window, and to either side of it were low twin beds with jaunty nautical bedding—all pirates and sea creatures. A large red and white striped lighthouse was painted on one wall and an empty bookshelf filled the other, on each bed sat a gorgeous teddy bear.

Ollie was astonished. It was the perfect children’s bedroom. His throat tightened, cutting off any chance of speaking even if he’d known what to say. Or what this meant.

Joel shuffled his feet, then took both of Ollie’s hands in his. “I have a speech, so…” He cleared his throat. “You’re a fantastic dad to Rory and Luis. I’m in awe of what you’ve done, giving up your own dreams to be there for them, to honor Jules’ and Ellis’s wishes and raise their kids as they’d have wanted. I don’t think you need any help to do that. You’re doing a fantastic job on your own.

“But…I love you, Ollie. Being with you, caring for you—helping you care for the boys—has given me everything I ever wanted. Sometimes, when I look at you, I can hardly breathe; you’ve filled all the empty spaces in my heart. But I want you to reach your dreams too. You deserve that chance. You deserve to go back to school, to finish your master’s, to fulfill your potential. And I want to help you do it.”

“Joel,” Ollie protested. “You can’t…”

“No, hear me out. I want this to be your home, yours and Rory’s and Luis’s. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, Ollie. And supporting you. And helping you raise the boys if that’s…” His voice gave out. “If that’s something you’d trust me to do?”

“Trust you? Of course, but Joel—”

“If you live here, you won’t need to make rent. I can help with childcare, and you—” His hands tightened on Ollie’s, crushing his fingers. “You can quit your job and go back to school. You can become an architect, or whatever it is you want to be. You deserve it, Ollie.”

It was too much. He tore one hand free and pressed it over his mouth, his throat too thick for speech. Joel was offering everything he wanted, a dream of a life. All he had to do was say yes. But how could he? “I can’t take all that from you.”

“You’re not taking.” Joel’s voice had an urgent edge. “I’d be giving. And, Ollie, don’t you know how much you’ve already given me? You’ve given meeverything. I was empty before I met you. But you’ve filled me up. You’ve given me life. You, and the boys. God, you know how much I love them too, right? I love all of you. I feel like…” His voice broke, eyes glittering. “I feel like I fit, like we fit together. You, me, and the boys. I feel like we could be a family. If you…” His fingers tightened on Ollie’s hand. “Do you feel the same?”

Ollie nodded. “I do. But you have so much and I—”

“It’s stuff,” Joel said, taking him by the shoulders. “I have stuff, Ollie. What you have is so much more. You’ve given me the chance to be part of a family. Don’t you see? If anyone’s the unequal partner in this, it’s me.”

That was ridiculous, but Ollie could see the sincerity in Joel’s eyes. He smiled and reached up to cover one of Joel’s hands. “You remember when we first kissed?”

“Burned into my memory,” Joel said with an emotional smile. “Much like the beam of Jackie’s flashlight burned into my retinas…”

Ollie laughed. “I remember thinking that it felt like puzzle pieces sliding into place, as if everything that had been chaotic was slotting back together. It felt…significant. I wondered whether I was over-thinking at the time, but now I know I was right. That’s exactly what was happening.” Looking around at the beds and their teddy bears, he noticed they each wore a little sweater— one with an R on the front and one with an L. His heart, soft and melty as it already was, gave a helpless kick. “This is a beautiful room, Joel. The boys will love it.”

“Then you’ll… You’ll stay? You’ll move in?”

Joel watched him with such intense hope that Ollie kicked himself for letting him doubt for a second. “Yes,” he said, feeling a bubble of joy rise with the word. “Yes, of course I will. How could I do anything else? You’re the love of my fucking life, Joel Morgan.”

And then they were in each other’s arms, crushing air out of lungs, and making ribs squeak. When Joel’s lips met his, Ollie could taste the salt of tears—happy tears—and the only thing that dragged them apart was the sound of small feet clattering upstairs.

“Ollie!” Rory called from down the hall. “Ollie?”

“I don’t think they’re up here.” Luca’s voice. “Let’s go back outside, kiddo. Maybe they needed to shower after all that, er, hot work?”

Ollie exchanged a look with Joel, who scrubbed quickly at his eyes, and smoothed down his hair. Then he nodded, smiling so hard Ollie couldn’t stop grinning himself. “In here, Rory! Come and look, Joel has a surprise for you.”

A moment later, Rory appeared in the doorway, Luca at his shoulder looking curious. “What is it?” Rory said.

Ollie held out his hand and Rory came to him, slipping his small hand into Ollie’s. “Look,” he said. “Joel’s made this room for you and Luis to sleep in when we stay here. See? There’s a bed each and…who’s that sitting on the beds?”

Rory looked, then smiled. “It’s a new cuddly!”

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