Page 71 of The Last Kiss

She fell silent, tracing her thumbnail along the grain of the wooden table. “So it’s him, then,” she said after a while. He opened his mouth to deny it but found his lungs airless. Kitty looked up. “I thought it might be. Hoped it weren’t, but...”

Hoarsely, he said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Give over, Harry. I weren’t born yesterday. And you ain’t never been sweet on a girl.” She fixed him with a steady look. “Is he…like you?” Harry swallowed, couldn’t speak, but Kitty seemed to read the answer in his face. “That’s why you left, then. Because of him. Did someone find you out?”

He tensed at the chill in her voice and the pinched expression on her face. “I’ll understand if you tell me to leave. I never wanted to make you ashamed.”

“Have I reason to be?” Kitty’s gaze was fixed on him intently, her fingers tight where they clutched her shawl around her thin shoulders.

He could lie, he could tell her what she wanted to hear, but he didn’t want to make a lie of his life — that’s why he hadn’t gone with Ash in the first place. And he wouldn’t start now. “I loved him. Ilovehim. But it’s over and I swear I’ll do nothing to make you ashamed.”

“Of you?” Her lips twisted. “I ain’t ashamed of you. Not so sure about this Mr Ashleigh, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, marrying some poor lady to hide behind and then coming here and...and trying to pick up with you again.” She sniffed her disapproval. “That was what he wanted, wasn’t it? And you refused coz you’re a good man, Harry West.” She shifted as if embarrassed by her outpouring of loyalty, or perhaps by his disbelieving expression. “What? You’ve always done right by me, Harry, and I’ll always do right by you. That shouldn’t come as no surprise.”

Overwhelmed by relief, he didn’t know what to say. “Kitty…”

“I’m sorry for you. You’ve a hard path to walk and I wish you didn’t. And I’m sorry you’re so bloody heartbroken over this toff, Harry, but you’ll get over it.”

He nodded and was surprised by the next words to leave his mouth. “His wife knows. Ash says theirs ain’t a real marriage — that it’s just convenient for them both — and that if I went down to Hampshire, we could be together. And his wife would support it.”

“That’s what he told you, is it?” Kitty looked uncomfortable, picking at her shawl. “That she’d just let you and him…‘be together’?”

“Ash wouldn’t lie.” Harry had no doubt about that. “And Miss Allen — Mrs Dalton, I suppose — is a modern young woman. She wants to be a doctor, apparently.”

Kitty regarded him in silence for a long moment, then said, “And there’d be honest work for you there, Harry? A good wage?”

“Aye. Both.”

She nodded, folding her hands on the table. “Then why is it you’re here, getting me up in the middle of the bleeding night with all this nonsense, instead of down there earning good money you could be sending to help with the rent?”

“Because — ” He reached for her hand, took her thin fingers in his. “Because it ain’t that easy. What if we were caught again? Most people wouldn’t think like you, would they?”

“Most people are arses. So?”

“So his father —SirArthur Dalton — is a baronet. His brother’s an MP. If we were found out there’d be a scandal. It would be in the newspapers. And it would touch you and the girls.”

Drawing her hand into her lap, Kitty sat back in her chair. “I can fight my own battles, Harry. And the girls’ battles too, if I must. That’s one thing these past five years have taught me.” She sighed, tugging her shawl tighter. “God knows there ain’t a lot of joy in the world these days, Harry, and life is bloody short. So why sit around here miserable when you can snatch a bit of happiness for once?”

“I thought — ” He rubbed a hand over his face, dizzy with the possibilities unfolding around him. “I never dreamed you’d understand or — ”

“You’re my brother, Harry. You ain’t murdered someone, nor hurt someone. Maybe I don’t understand why you’re like you are, butyou’re my brother. And I want you happy.” Her lips twisted into a smile, cutting through the sweetness of her words. “I want you earning a good wage too, truth be told.”

He laughed shakily. “I wish I’d talked to you sooner.”

“It ain’t too late, though, is it? For you to take Mr Ashleigh up on the job?”

“No, I — ” His heart gave a swift, sobering kick. “Shit. He’s leaving town today. What time is it?”

“Early enough, unless he’s leaving with the larks.”

Which, knowing Ash, he wouldn’t be. There was still time. But for what? Was he really going to do this? Find Ash,livewith Ash?

He swallowed, wrestling with his conscience. Kitty supported him, which was an unexpected marvel. She wasn’t ashamed of him and she wasn’t afraid. Neither was Ash. In fact, there was no good reason not to take what he wanted, so why was he hesitating?

Because, despite denying it to Ash, hewasafraid. He was terrified — of being discovered, of being shamed and despised. Of gambling everything on a chance of happiness.

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