Page 15 of Persuaded

He tried to distract himself from it by keeping busy. After his futile attempt to contact Finn in LA, he’d drifted from job to job and town to town for several years—mostly teaching music in schools or privately. He’d returned to New Milton just over two summers ago, drawn by the futile hope that returning home might ease his restless longing, and had swiftly been roped into helping organize the Thanksgiving pageant at New Milton’s elementary school. That had led to his current role as part-time music teacher and so, at this time of year, his hands were once again full rehearsing the children. He enjoyed their enthusiasm, the relish with which they played and sang. It reminded him of some distant version of himself, of how he was before his mother had died and he’d been sent away to boarding school. He spent more time than necessary at the school, and Liz was grateful for his help. He was just grateful not to be glancing out the window every five minutes in anxious anticipation of Finn showing up for a coffee; he could relax at the school in a way he couldn’t at Dee’s.

But even though Finn mostly avoided the coffee shop, Joshua couldn’t get away from talk about him there. Lexa and Ali were both smitten, enjoying their mutual crush without too much apparent jealousy. Joshua didn’t think either of them were really Finn’s type, but from their gleeful descriptions of nights at the Rock House Finn was certainly enjoying their company. It made Joshua feel uncomfortable, and not because he was envious. Well, notjustthat. The thing was, he knew how deeply Finn longed for a committed relationship, had been searching for one ever since his disrupted childhood.

“Hey,” Lexa said one afternoon, all but pouncing on Joshua when he showed up for his third shift of the week. “You never told us you knew Finn before he was famous!”

Joshua stopped dead in the doorway. “I—What?”

“Yeah, you’ve been holding out on us,” Ali complained from where she was restocking the baked goods. “Sean said Finn worked here one summer, and youknewhim.”

He had no idea how to respond.

“Do you remember?” Lexa pressed. “Finn said you probably didn’t remember him because—”

“Lexa!” Ali threw a dishcloth at her.

Joshua’s heartbeat ratcheted up a notch, although he wasn’t sure whether it was in fear or hope. “What? Did Finn say something about me?”

Ali and Lexa exchanged a look. “It was nothing,” Ali said. “Just stupid. About your family.”

“Oh.” His stomach knotted as he turned to hang up his jacket and put on his black apron. “Well, I’m sure I’ve heard worse.”

An awkward silence fell, two sets of eyes boring into his back.

“He said you probably didn’t remember him because the Newtons were always ‘stuck-up A-holes’ and he’d just been a ‘grease monkey’ back then, but that it didn’t matter because he’d hardly recognized you either—because you’ve changed so much, or whatever.” Lexa blurted it all in a rush and then turned to Ali with a defiant stare. “What? He wanted to know. Right, Newt?”

“It’s fine,” he said and had to swallow a couple times to keep the roughness out of his voice. He refused to betrayanythingabout how much that hurt. “It’s no big deal. I didn’t even remember him, so...”

After a pause, Lexa said, “But if you think back,canyou remember him?”

He fixed her with a look, the kind he used on kids who hadn’t been practicing. “No.”

She ducked her head and carried on wiping down the tables. But under her breath, she said, “I bet he was super-hot back then, though.”

Joshua thought,You have no idea.

* * *

After some deliberation, he opted for the blue shirt and his old leather jacket for the barbecue. He owed it to Sean to make an effort, and since Finn apparently thought he’d changed beyond recognition he didn’t see the point in worrying about his opinion. Finn wouldn’t care what he wore.

Turning into the driveway of Hanworth Hall as a guest felt strange, to see it filled with cars and the house lights blazing made him ache with regret. He parked as far away as possible and sat in the car for a few minutes, watching. There was music, laughter and the chatter of voices coming from behind the house, from the garden that swept down toward the cliffs. How long had it been since the house had been so full of life? Years. Decades, perhaps.

He spotted Dee’s car, and Don’s. Liz Howard’s too, and a couple of cars he recognized from the school. Basically half of New Milton had been invited and he wondered if he could get away with backing out. Would anyone notice if he was missing?

Probably not. Well, Sean might. But that wasn’t really the point, was it? Sean and Tejana—and to some extent Finn—were part of the community now. He couldn’t ignore that. He had to face it head-on and the more he saw of Finn the easier it was going to get. For both of them.

So he picked up the gift he’d brought as a housewarming present and made himself walk across the gravel. There was a sign on the front door directing people around to the back of the house, and he emerged into a world of casual marquees and little white lights, of the delicious aroma of barbecue and the warm laughter of a very relaxed party.

In the dusky twilight the fall air was warmed by patio heaters, and the French doors stood open into what his father had called the summer room. It looked nothing like the austere house he’dgrown up in and his lingering regret intensified until it caught in his throat. This was how his mother would have lived, this was how things should have been...

Hovering on the edge of the crowd, he pushed back against a pang of loss. He didn’t miss a thing about his father’s house, but this vision of what his home could have been affected him more than he’d expected. Warm and beautiful and inviting, it was everything his father’s heavy hand had crushed out of his life.

Letting his gaze drift over the people, most of whom he knew, he spotted Sean manning the grill next to a woman who could only be Tejana. Tall and elegant with long black hair, she was exactly the kind of wife he’d pictured for Sean. They looked very happy.

On the far side of the lawn, a blocky shadow drew his eyes—the garage, the place where he’d first met Finn. The windows were dark and Joshua looked away quickly. No point in thinking about that, not tonight.

A cool breeze riffled through his hair and he shivered, pulling his jacket tighter. Movement on his right drew his attention, down near the fence where the garden met the cliffs. Finn stood there, turning away like he was avoiding catching Joshua’s eye.

His heart thumped and he couldn’t help watching as Finn walked into the crowd. He still moved with purpose, confidence in every gesture—the way he clapped people on the shoulder as he passed, the ready smile, the unaffected ease. It was the Finn Callaghan he’d always presented to the world, the one that probably served him well in LA.

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