Page 19 of Persuaded

When he started moving he had to work hard to keep it all in, the pressure in his chest threatening to burst out as a shout. His hands shook as he fished the keys out of his pocket and tried to get them into the lock.

Once he got inside he just sat there, staring out through the frosty windshield. He didn’t believe that Finn was indifferent, but the idea that he’d say that just to hurt him was worse.

Over the years, he’d shed a lot of tears for Finn Callaghan but that didn’t stop his eyes filming over now and he cursed out loud as he rammed the key into the ignition and tried to start the engine. It took five tries before it caught and he shoved his foot hard on the gas and didn’t care who the noise disturbed.

Finn wasn’t the only one who got to be pissed.

* * *

Two days later, when Liz called to collect Matt from his piano lesson, Joshua found out that Finn had already flown back to the west coast.

“Filming,” Liz said with a secret kind of smile that made Joshua suspect she and Finn were still in touch.

He nodded, cleared the lump from his throat. “I imagine it’s a very demanding schedule.”

“He said they take a break over the holidays, so...” Another smile. “I know he’s famous and all that, but he’s a nice guy too. You know?”

“Yeah,” Joshua said and busied himself with tidying the music on the piano. “So I’ve heard.”

After a beat of silence in which, perhaps, Liz had hoped for more, she said, “Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you at school tomorrow. We’re planning to do some rehearsals at lunch.”

He fixed on a smile and said, “I’ll be there,” even though it hadn’t really been a question.

Joshua was always there, this was his life now.

That weekend—after he’d confirmed with a forlorn Lexa and Ali that Finn really had left New Milton—Joshua took Sean up on his offer to visit Hanworth Hall. It wasn’t exactly a social call because he still had to deal with the list of personal effects that the court had mandated the family sell. Most of them were in storage, but there were a couple of things up at the house that he needed to deal with.

He’d been putting it off, but now Finn had gone he had no more excuses and so, next time he saw Sean at Dee’s, he’d made an appointment to go up to the house and take inventory.

“Hey, man,” Sean said as he opened the imposing front door.

Joshua was mildly surprised to see him standing there, but of course Sean would never employ “staff.” “Hello, Sean,” he said with a smile. “Thanks for letting me do this.”

“Don’t thank me, come on in. You want some coffee or something?”

His instinct was to decline, but this was Sean trying to undermine the inherent awkwardness of the situation and so Joshua made himself relax and say, “Thank you, yes. Coffee, please.”

“I don’t make it as well as you,” Sean warned as he led Joshua into the kitchen, the back wall of which was all window, looking out over the ocean.

Joshua had spent a lot of time in the kitchen as a child, with Maya, their cook—much to his father’s irritation. Maya had given him cookies and ruffled his hair and looked at him with a fond expression he realized, now, was probably sad. She’d had her own children and he suspected she’d taken pity on Joshua, lonely little rich boy that he’d been.

Still, he had warm memories of the kitchen and perhaps Sean could see something of them in his face because he nudged Joshua and smiled as he handed over the coffee. “It’s a beautiful room.” He sounded almost apologetic. Like it was his fault he owned it now.

“I always loved this view,” Joshua said by way of a reply. “All year round, it never gets old.”

Sean nodded, his gaze drifting out through the window. “Do you—?” He cleared his throat. “Do you, uh, have a view now? Where you live?”

Where he lived now was a vacation cottage he’d rented from Dee two years ago. He’d intended it to be temporary, but here he was... “Not really, but it’s close to the beach. I like to run there in the morning, so I get my fix that way.”

“Yeah?” Sean smiled. “Me too. I’m a runner. I haven’t really scoped out the best routes yet, though.” He gave Joshua a hopeful look. “Maybe we could run together sometime? You could show me the area.”

Joshua had been wary about making friends with Sean, feeling it was inappropriate given the situation with Finn. But if Finn wasindifferentto Joshua, then why should he be so considerate? He liked Sean, he was certain they could be friends. Finn would just have to live with that.

“There’s a nice run from the gate at the bottom of your garden,” he said, pointing it out. “Along the cliffs, around Gorse Point, and down around the back of the bay, then in along Sandy Lane into New Milton and back along the road up to the house. It’s about seven miles, probably. I’d be happy to show you sometime.”

“You bet,” Sean said. “That sounds perfect.”

After a pause, and in the spirit of friendship, Joshua added, “I haven’t lived in this house for years, Sean. My father threw me out—cut me off—when my life didn’t go the way he wanted. Andbefore that, it was...” He sighed. This was an old, familiar pain. “My mother died when I was young and my father was always distant. I was a lonely child here.” He looked at Sean and offered a smile. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel any regret that the house was sold. My father—Well, you know what he did. I’m glad he lost the house. I’m glad someone like you bought it and I don’t miss it. You shouldn’t worry about that.”

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