Page 34 of Persuaded

“Huh?”

“For Sean’s Christmas thing? The Secret Santa in the invitation.”

Ali stopped wiping down the tables. “Mom, he can’ttellyou. Otherwise it’s not secret. Duh.”

“That’s right,” Joshua said. “I can’ttellyou.” Mostly because he had no idea.

When he got home that night, he dug out the invitation and opened the envelope. Inside he found a handwritten note and another envelope, sealed with a Santa sticker. He turned it overand wondered what he’d do if it contained Finn’s name. What would he give Finn for Christmas, if he had the chance? His eyes strayed to the photo, still on the bookcase. It hadn’t lasted long, but the expression on Finn’s face when he’d seen it had been intense. Joshua couldn’t be sure what it was, but it certainly hadn’t been indifference.

But no, he could hardly give him that. Tejana’s instructions set a five-dollar limit and his better judgment told him it would need to be safely anonymous. Not that he’d likely gotten Finn.

He tore open the envelope: Don.

He gave a short laugh. Well then, an air freshener for his car, perhaps? Joshua had no idea, but at least it wasn’t Finn. He told himself he was relieved and ignored the stupid flare of disappointment.

Reaching up to the bookcase, he took down the photo. They both looked like boys, Finn’s face less angular than now and his eyes bright and laughing. As for himself, Joshua looked... He looked good. Happy. Optimistic. He remembered the day so well—on the spur of the moment they’d driven up the coast in his dad’s convertible and they’d been sitting on the hood at a rest stop when the photo was taken, the ocean glittering behind them. A soccer mom in her SUV had taken it for them.

She’d told them they made a cute couple. Finn had flushed, but in a good way, like he was pleased she’d guessed how things were between them. It had felt like the world was smiling on them back then.

“I miss you,” he told the Finn in the picture and stroked his thumb over the glass. Then he took the photo into his bedroom. Best not to leave it out now that the whole town knew Finn Callaghan.

The caroling took place the weekend before Christmas. Traditionally, they walked around the neighborhood near the school, stopping to let people come out and listen. Then theyended up on Main Street where Dee opened late and they sang until everyone was too cold and headed in for hot chocolate. Liz always came along to help, as did a lot of the parents. It was a genuine, old-fashioned community event.

Joshua loved it.

This year, the town’s A-list celebrities had come along too: Sean, Tejana and Finn. Joshua told himself he didn’t mind, that it was a good thing that Sean and Tejana were involved with the local community. And Finn...? Well, he was openly dating Liz Howard, so why wouldn’t he be there? Although Joshua had always assumed TV actors spent more time acting than Finn seemed to do—for a man bent on Hollywood success, he spent a lot of time in an off-season seaside town.

“Hiatus,” Liz explained, when he asked. “Finn doesn’t go back until after New Year’s.”

“Of course,” Joshua said with a fixed smile.Of course.

They started early, as soon as it got dark, with Joshua handing out lanterns on poles to the grown-ups and small jars with electric lights inside for the children. They made a great image, all standing there outside the school.

He had his guitar to help everyone stay in tune and they ran through a verse of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” to get everyone warmed up. He heard Finn’s voice immediately, a tuneful baritone that slipped right under Joshua’s skin. Finn held a lantern on a pole and when Joshua caught his eye he smiled before thinking better of it and frowning down at his music.

But it was enough to set Joshua’s stomach fluttering, fool that he was. At best, he and Finn could only ever be friends, and even that felt like a long shot. He’d be wise not to start hoping for more.

It took about an hour to walk the route, lots of people opening their front doors to listen, some coming out to give moneyand donate warm spiced cider and cookies to the singers. It was a joyful thing, this singing. He loved seeing the children’s excitement and the smiles on their parents’ faces—such a simple thing, not expensive or difficult, but so valued. At times like this he didn’t regret not seeking his own fame and fortune as a musician. What was music for, after all, but to bring people together?

A couple of times he glanced over at Finn, saw Liz standing with him and looked away. There were other times when he felt eyes on him, Finn’s attention slipping away when Joshua turned to look. He imagined, briefly, what it would be like to stand with his shoulder pressed against Finn’s, sharing smiles as they sang together, breath misting in the cold air.

Those were the dreams his joy was made of now.

By the time they reached Dee’s, Joshua had abandoned his guitar because his hands were too cold. He’d misplaced his gloves and hadn’t bothered to look for them since he couldn’t play wearing them anyway, but he regretted it now and pulled his numb fingers into his sleeves to try and thaw them out.

“That was great, Newt!” Liz beamed at him as the informal choir dispersed in search of hot drinks. “We’re gonna count the cash inside”—she rattled the collection bucket—“but this thing’s heavy. I think we did well.”

He smiled as she and Matt headed into Dee’s, and then shivered. His toes were numb too. Some people ran hot, Joshua had always run cold. He was contemplating the crush in the coffee shop, wondering whether he could brave it for something hot to warm him up, when someone said, “You need some gloves.”

Joshua turned, surprised to find Finn at his shoulder. Not too close, though, a careful distance away. Finn shoved his hands into the pockets of his heavy coat, eyes bright beneath the beanie he wore. He looked warm and inviting, and utterly out ofreach. “Hey.” Joshua tucked his freezing hands under his arms. “Thanks for coming—nothing like a little Hollywood glitz to get the crowds out.”

Finn snorted a genuine laugh that made Josh’s gut pinch with want. “Hollywood, right,” Finn said with a shake of his head. “You, ah, you do this every year?”

“The last couple. Liz helps with the kids. She’s a very dedicated teacher.”

“Yeah...” Finn’s voice dropped away and into silence. Joshua scuffed his boots on the frozen sidewalk and Finn hunched deeper into his coat. “Huh,” he said after a while. “Snow.”

And so there was, a few flakes drifting through the still air and landing on the sleeve of Joshua’s jacket. “Perfect,” he said, smiling at the little flakes sitting on his arm. Then he looked up at the black sky and laughed to see the snow falling through the light of the street lamp, landing cold on his face. “I love snow.” Closing his eyes, he stuck out his tongue to catch a flake.

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