Page 35 of Persuaded

In a choked voice, Finn said,“Josh—”

And then Sean was there. “Hot chocolate all around!” He beamed over the cardboard tray in his hands, turning around to yell, “Hey, Tejana, it’s snowing!”

Joshua looked from Sean to Finn, who was scrubbing a hand through his hair, clutching his beanie in his other hand and stepping back and away. He looked stricken.

But, God, hisvoicewhen he’d said his name... Joshua wanted to reach out for him, but Finn turned away. “I, uh, I’ll go see how Liz and Matt are doing with the money,” he said, and bolted into the coffee shop.

Sean watched him go with a frown that didn’t fade when he turned back to Joshua. “Sorry, man, I swear he’s getting weirder every day.”

Joshua chased up a smile and reached for one of the hot chocolates. His hands shook when he picked it up.

“Joshua,” Sean said. “You’re freezing.”

“Yeah.” He watched with pinching envy as Finn slipped an arm around Liz’s waist. “Guess I am.”

* * *

Finn kissed Liz goodnight on the porch of her house like they were teenagers afraid of her father.

He sensed her confusion in the way her dark eyes scrutinized him. “You sure you won’t come in for a coffee? Matt’s heading straight to bed.”

“I’m good,” he said, like she was actually offering him a latte. But he couldn’t go in there, couldn’t sleep with her, not after what had happened—nearly happened—tonight. He needed to go someplace and think. “I’ll see you soon, okay? Definitely on Christmas.”

“Okay.” She did a bad job of hiding her disappointment, and Finn felt like a total douche about it. Fuck, what was wrong with him?

From Liz’s he planned to drive back to Sean’s, but ended up turning right and crawling down Sandy Lane. He didn’t stop at Josh’s house, even though the lights were on, even though a treacherous part of him yearned to finish what he’d almost started. Instead, he parked at the end of the street. After sitting in the car for a long time, he got out and walked down onto the beach. It was dark as pitch. He fumbled for his phone and switched on the flashlight, sweeping it across the wet sand and up to the bank of dunes behind him. How odd to be down here in the cold of a December night. It felt like another place, a world away from the sun-drenched beach where he and Josh had lounged in the dunes. Hard to tell, now, which was the dream and which reality.

He hiked halfway up one of the dunes and perched amid the grass. It was still snowing a little, too cold to stay long. He wasn’t sure why he was there, what he was trying to prove, but he just couldn’t go back to Sean’s yet.

And he couldn’t go to Josh, no matter how much he wanted—He swallowed the lump in his throat, gristly and raw.

In the dark he could only hear the waves’ distant boom, could only see the snow blowing about in the wind. But in his mind’s eye he saw Josh smiling in the light spilling from Dee’s coffee shop, tipping his face to the sky.

I love snow.

There’d been flakes on his eyelashes as he’d stuck out his tongue like a kid, and suddenly the boy Finn had loved was right there in front of him. Everything he’d once felt rushed up like a flooding river. Everything he’d thought forgotten.

I love snow.

Something had overtaken him, some overwhelming force had urged him forward, intent on taking that once-cherished face in his hands and kissing those smiling lips. If Sean hadn’t interrupted—

He rubbed gloved fingers over his mouth, shivered as the snow settled on the toes of his boots. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to feel these things again, these echoes of that summer, because Josh ended it. Josh sent him away. And that still hurt. It still made him angry. And thank God for that, because if it didn’t...

He pushed to his feet. Enough. He wasn’t going there, he just wasn’t. He’d begged Josh once and that was enough. Whatever this was, this aching echo, it was just that: an echo. Those summer days were long gone and there was no way back to the kids they’d once been.

He stomped down the sand, felt it skittering away under his boots, and headed back to the car. He had a life now. He had fame and fortune, friends and girlfriends. Plenty of them.

He didn’t need Josh. He didn’t want him.

Hedidn’t.

By the time he got back to Sean’s, it was late. He’d hoped Sean and Tejana would have gone to bed, but they were sipping tea at the kitchen table when he slipped in through the side door.

Sean lifted an eyebrow. “So. Not staying at Liz’s, huh?”

“Why?” He glanced between them. “You guys want some alone time or something?” Sean rolled his eyes and Finn shrugged it off along with his coat. “I, uh, got an early start tomorrow, that’s all.”

A beat of silence followed while the lie settled into the room, then Sean said, “Uh, what early start?”

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