Page 37 of Persuaded

Matt glanced up and Joshua gave him a wink. “That a new phone?”

“For my sins.” Liz rolled her eyes and gave Matt’s hair an affectionate ruffle. “If he spent as much time practicing the piano as he does on Instagram...”

“He’d probably have no friends,” Joshua said. “Kids should be kids, right? Especially at Christmas.”

Whatever answer Liz might have given was forgotten as Finn appeared in the doorway, holding two steaming glasses of something potent. “My special hot Christmas punch,” hedeclared, crossing the room to Liz and handing her a glass. “Go slow. It’s strong.”

She smiled brightly as she curled a lock of hair behind her ear. “You know me,” she said. “I tweak the nose of caution.” She knocked back a long gulp. “Whoa, thatisstrong!”

Finn’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Uh, yeah. Easy there.” His attention flickered to Joshua and away. “Hey, Josh.”

“Merry Christmas,” Joshua said, for want of anything better. “The house looks great.”

“Beautiful,” Liz echoed. “So beautiful.”

“Yeah, my kid brother’s a regular Martha Stewart—minus the fraud conviction.” He darted a rueful look at Joshua. “Sorry, man.”

“It’s okay.” Into the awkward pause, he added, “My Martha Stewart crush is long over.”

For a beat they both looked at him, and then Liz laughed and even Finn cracked a smile.

“Right,” he said, “your sweet tooth—” He checked himself awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.

“My sweet tooth is legendary,” Joshua said, covering the slip. “Why do you think I work at Dee’s?”

Finn smiled again, aiming it toward the floor, and this time the tension between them felt different. Joshua didn’t dare name it, but something fluttered inside him and he wondered whether Finn had noticed.

“So, uh, Newt,” Liz said, slipping a possessive arm through Finn’s. “You need to put your Secret Santa gift under the tree.”

Grateful for the distraction, he recruited Matt to show him what was what and escaped from Finn and Liz. A number of gifts were already there and he slipped Don’s present—a miniature bottle of his favorite whiskey—in along with the rest. “We’re opening them later,” Matt explained. “After dinner.”

“Dinner? I thought this was an open house.”

Matt shrugged. And, really, how would he know?

Sean appeared then with a beer. “For God’s sake, stay away from Finn’s punch,” he stage-whispered. “It’s lethal.”

“It’s good!” Liz protested, raising her glass.

And then Dee and the girls piled out of the kitchen, all bright and full of laughter, and swept Joshua up into another round of hugs and a chorus of “Merry Christmas, Newt!”

Two things struck him. First, how right it was that this house was full of people and laughter at Christmas—it was so much better than the sober grandeur of his youth. And, second, how out of place he felt among them all. Not that he didn’t feel welcome, because he did, it was more that he couldseeit all around him—the warmth and the joy—but he couldn’t feel it. These people liked him, but they didn’t know him. How could they when the biggest part of him had been hidden away for eight years? Joshua still mourned what he’d lost in Finn, and nobody knew it but him. Not even Finn.

Crazily, he wondered what would happen if he just said it out loud:Finn Callaghan is the love of my life.Would he feel more like he was part of the world if people knew? Or would he just feel their pity? Finn Callaghan might be the love ofhislife, but Finn had clearly moved on in ways Joshua couldn’t contemplate. Not yet, at least. But perhaps that kind of confession was what it would take to break down the glass wall between Joshua and the world.

He mulled the thought over as he watched Finn and Liz. Finn stuck to her like glue, helping her to the food laid out on the big kitchen table, and sat with her while they ate.

No stuffy sit-down dinner here, but a smorgasbord of festive treats—catered, this time, but delicious nonetheless. Joshua filled a plate and sat next to Matt on a footstool near the Christmas tree. Matt showed him some cat videos on his phone—quite the phenomenon, apparently—and seemed glad of thecompany among all the adults, even if it was just his piano teacher. Joshua was happy to help; it kept him from too many awkward exchanges with Finn or Liz. It didn’t stop him from watching them, however.

Liz sat on one of the sofas and Finn perched on the arm next to her as he ate a slice of pecan pie. She touched his leg from time to time, a gentle hand on his knee. Finn didn’t seem to notice and Joshua tried to remember, without rose-tinted glasses, how he and Finn had been when they were together. Of course they’d been kids, a few years out of adolescence and with all the hormonal drives that you’d expect. But once they’d started, they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other. Every touch, even the innocent ones, had felt electric.

And he thought about the feel of Finn’s hand on his arm the night he’d given Joshua a ride home from Liz’s. That touch had charged through him too, just as he remembered.

He wondered, if he touched Finn again, whether he’d respond like he used to. If he ran his fingers along the inside of Finn’s knee, would he hiss in a breath and curse as he smiled? Would a hand on his hip have his eyes sparkling, soft and intimate? If his teeth grazed his collarbone, would Finn be rock hard and growling? If—

Finn looked up, right into his eyes. Joshua almost choked on his turkey. Could he guess from his expression what he’d been thinking? He jerked his gaze back to his plate but from the corner of his eye he saw Finn shift where he sat, and when Joshua risked another glance Finn was talking to Liz with his head turned away.

“Another beer, Joshua?” Tejana smiled and pressed a bottle into his hand. “Everyone’s cups have to be charged for the toast.”

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