Page 46 of Persuaded

“Well, if Liz leaves, there’ll be a vacancy for a music teacher at the school.”

And he could see it, suddenly, all laid out before him. He’d take the job and for a while it would be great—he loved teaching, loved enthusing kids about music, and it would keep him busy, keep his mind off Finn. But thirty years later he’d be looking at early retirement, an inadequate pension, and back at a life that never went anywhere. He’d plotted a life with Finn, once—a gilded road that ended in LA, at Colburn, at a career as a musician—and that was a life he’d never live now.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a different life, even if it hurt to finally give up on that old and beautiful dream. He smiled at Lexa, took a sip of coffee to clear his throat, and said, “No, I don’t think so. I think it’s time for me to do something different.”

“Really? Like what?”

He shrugged. “I haven’t decided yet. Anything I like, I guess. What do I have to lose?”

He started his new life the next morning by emailing his brother.

Michael—

I’ve sold what I can of our father’s possessions. I’ll be out of town for a while and am leaving the rest for you to sort out. I enclose a list of everything that remains unsold.

Joshua

Then he emailed his aunt.

Hi, Ruth

If the invitation still stands, I’d love to join you in NYC for New Year’s. It’s a time for new beginnings and I think I’m long overdue. I’d appreciate your advice too, if you’ve got the time.

Yours,

Josh

Michael didn’t reply. Neither did Aunt Ruth; she picked up the phone and called him, ready to send her driver to collect him then and there. He dissuaded her, told her he’d drive down himself, and spent the rest of the day shutting up the house. He wouldn’t be gone long this time—he’d have pupils to teach when school went back—but it felt significant. This was the first step on the road to a new future, even though he had no idea where the journey would end.

He texted Dee to tell her he’d be away for a while and to ask her to send any updates on Liz, and then he packed up his car—crappy tires and all—and headed out of New Milton. He couldn’t help the ache in his chest as he saw Hanworth Hall in the rearview mirror and wondered whether Finn would be back there soon, with Liz.

But if so, it would be best to be gone. He wasn’t such a saint that he could stand to watch Finn’s domestic bliss unfold on his doorstep.

He put the radio on and drove without looking back.

* * *

Finn felt like the world’s biggest douchebag as he sat in Liz’s hospital room listening to her parents thank him for saving her life. With every warm glance from her mom and shy smile fromLiz he felt his skin crawl. He was astonished they couldn’t see the deception in his eyes.

I’m a dick. A lying creep. A total fucking coward.

He’d flirted with Liz because he was too chickenshit to face up to his feelings for Josh, and now the whole world thought he loved her.Lizthought he loved her.

Worse than that, he had an almost irresistible urge to throw himself at Joshua Newton’s feet and proclaim his undying love. Hell, he almost had that night in the car. He’d almost said the words. Not that Josh was likely to believe him. Why would he, when Finn had been such a colossal ass these past couple months? Unforgiving, resentful, cruel. Yeah, Josh had gotten to see a whole new side of him.

Well, now Finn was paying the price because that night on the beach had changed everything. Kneeling in the freezing surf, mind gone blank with shock, Josh had come to his rescue. He’d pulled him to his feet, he’d brought order to the terrifying chaos. He’d justbeentherefor him—on the beach, and later. Finn didn’t think he’d ever forget the sight of Josh, pale and anxious, striding through the hospital doors to bring him home. He’d looked like a knight in fucking armor and Finn had wanted nothing more than to fling himself into his arms.

In those moments all Finn’s petty resentments had fallen away and left him naked to the truth: Josh was the one he wanted at his side when everything went to shit, Josh was the one he wanted at his side when everything was fantastic. Josh was the one he wanted.

He wasthe one.

Only now the world—and Josh—thought he was in love with Liz. He wasn’t blind to the irony of being trapped in a lie born of his own stupid resentment, and he figured he’d earned the bad karma, but it didn’t make it any easier to figure out how to escape without leaving a tangle of hurt in his wake.

“Well, good morning, Miss Howard.” The doc swept into the room looking debonair and serious, but spared a smile for Liz. “You’re looking better today.”

Liz batted her eyelashes. “Thank you, Dr. Bentley, I feel better.”

Finn took the opportunity to escape, standing up to give the doc more room. “I’ll just go call Sean,” he said as he slipped out the door.

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