Page 47 of Persuaded

He headed to the hospital’s cafeteria as he made the call, wondering if it would seem odd to ask Sean for Josh’s number. He needed to speak to Josh after what had happened—whathadhappened?—that night in the car. Christ, Josh had been so tender, and Finn hadn’t even spoken to him since. But he’d been putting it off because he was a fucking coward, and didn’t know what to do about Liz, and every day that passed in silence made the call harder to make. What the hell must Josh think of him? Phone clamped to his ear, he updated Sean on Liz’s progress and worked up the courage to ask for Josh’s number.

But before he had the chance, Sean said, “Oh, by the way, Josh left town.”

Finn stopped dead. “What?”

“Yeah, it’s weird. He told Dee he was going away for a while. Doesn’t know when he’ll be back.”

Just like the first time, the world gave way beneath Finn’s feet. Only this time he knew he’d brought it on himself. He’d driven Josh away.

“Finn?” Sean’s voice sounded tinny in his ear.

He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. I was, uh—Is he... Is he okay?”

“I dunno, man.” A beat of silence. “Finn, areyouokay?”

He nodded, then made himself say, “Yeah, I’m good. I’m gonna—” Fuck. What could he do? “I’ll be back later. I’m gonna go get some stuff. In town.”

“Stuff?”

He hung up. Josh had left town. Josh, who’d looked at him with sad eyes for the past three months, who’d watched him parade Liz around like he was making a point, who’d offered him affection and comfort, and gotten nothing but silence in return, had finally given up on him and left.

Someone bumped into him and he realized he was still standing stock-still in the middle of the hospital corridor. He didn’t know what to do; he couldn’t go back to Liz when all he could think about was Josh.

Cowardly to the end, he simply walked out of the hospital and climbed into his rental. He had no plan when he started driving, but eventually found himself outside the Rock House. Drinking seemed as good a way as any to end a crappy day.

So he started in on the Jack Daniel’s and tried not to think about all the ways he’d hurt Josh, pushed him away when he could have pulled him closer. Finn didn’t know whether they’d ever had a shot at a second chance, but if they had he’d blown it now.

If his damned pride hadn’t been hurt, maybe he’d have known that Josh’s sonofabitch father had thrown him out. Maybe he’d have known years ago, when he could have helped him pick up the pieces instead of leaving Josh to sink or swim alone. Maybe he’d have called him when Josh came to LA and left his number at the studio. And then maybe he’d have figured out that they’d just beenkidsthat summer, and forgiven Josh for not wanting to alienate his whole family for a guy he’d known eight fucking weeks.

He felt his throat tighten, tried to loosen it with another mouthful of Jack.

Maybe he could’ve been a fucking grown-up about it.

“Finn?” Kylee Adams eyed him across the bar, arms folded. “You wanna call Sean to come get you? Coz I just saw a guy in theparking lot with a hella big lens and I figure you don’t want to be all over Tumblr like this.”

“Fuck”—he waved a hand in apology—“I mean, sorry. Thanks. Fuck.”

Her lips twisted. “Come on around the bar, honey. You can wait out back.”

It took Sean fifteen minutes to show up. He said nothing, except to thank Kylee, as he guided Finn into his car parked at the back of the bar. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Finn saw the pap slipping in through the Rock House’s front door.

“Bastard,” he growled. “Seriously, who the fuck cares anyway?”

“The internet, apparently,” Sean said. “Liz too. She called, wondering where you’d gone.”

He leaned his head back against the seat and didn’t answer; he could feel the weight of her unanswered texts on his phone.

When they got home, Sean made him coffee and sat him down at the kitchen table, turning his own seat backwards and straddling it as he templed his fingers and waited. It took until Finn had finished his first cup of joe before he said, “Fuck, Sean, I’ve screwed up.”

“I figured. You gonna tell me how?”

He laughed. How could he? How could he even start?

Sean threw him a bone. “I take it this is about Liz?”

“Yeah...”

“She thinks there’s more between you than there is?” Sean sounded bemused, like he thought that was no big deal. He was right, of course. If only that was the real problem.

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