Page 49 of Persuaded

“I couldn’t.”

“Damn it, Finn, you always do this!”

His fingers clenched. “You don’t get it, Sean.”

“Yeah, I do. You put these walls up, man. Someone hurts you once and you lock them out forever. Like Dad after he left, and—”

“This isn’t about Dad.”

Sean gave a bleak laugh. “Everything’s about Dad.”

“Yeah? Thanks, Dr. Phil.” Finn slumped back in his chair, arms folded across his chest, angry because Sean was right. “Look, I said I fucked up, okay? I should’ve talked to him, but I couldn’t because it still fuckinghurt. And now...” An ache pierced his chest when he thought about the chance he’d lost for a second time. His eyes pricked and he squeezed them shut. “Fuck, I drank too much.”

Sean sighed. “You think this is why Josh left town?”

“I don’t know.” He scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “Maybe. He thinks I’m with Liz. The whole fucking world thinks I’m with Liz.”

“So tell him you’re not. Call him and tell him.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Because what if he says it’s too late? What if he thinks I’m an ass?“Because it’s my fault Liz got hurt, because she thinks I care about her more than I do, and what the fuck will it look like if I dump her and run after Josh?”

“Okay, first: who cares what it looks like? And second: who cares what it looks like?”

“Well, Liz, probably. Her kid. Her parents. The internet.”

“Screw the internet.”

He shoved to his feet. “It’s not that easy—you know it isn’t. I can’t just do what I want. I have to think about the consequences.”

“Finn, if you—Do you love him?” Sean skewered him with a long look and read the answer in his face. “Then you gotta tell him, man.”

“This isn’t a fairy tale.” Finn pushed his fingers into his hair. “Look—I used Liz, okay? I used her because I was too fucking scared to face Josh. I can’t just dump her. I have to at least... I have to respect her.”

“Lying to her isn’t respecting her.”

Fuck, but Sean could be a sanctimonious prick. Finn gritted his teeth. “I’m—I’m gonna go back to LA.” The plan formed in his mind as he spoke. “Put some distance between me and Liz, let things cool down.”

“And what about Josh? What are you going to tell him?”

Whatcouldhe tell him?You broke my heart, you bastard. I loved you and you broke my heart, but I still fucking love you. And I still want you. I’ve never wanted anyone else.“I gotta get my head straight first. And I gotta get outa this mess with Liz.”

Sean gave him a long look and then got to his feet, walking around the table toward him. “C’mere,” he said, holding out his arms.

With a sigh, Finn went to him and let his brother wrap him in a tight embrace.

“I wish you’d told me,” Sean said against his ear. “I wish you’d told me everything back when it first happened. I wish you’d trusted me.”

“I just wanted to forget him. It hurt so bad.” The drink, and the sadness he’d carried for eight long years, was too potent: he could feel tears on his face, knotting in his chest and throat. “But I can’t forget him, Sean. I can’t.” A sob broke free and Sean held him tighter.

“I love you,” Sean said. “And I got your back, Finn. Whatever happens, I got your back.”

It felt so good, at last, to be understood—to be known. The relief opened something in his chest that he hadn’t realized was closed. He felt light and thought of that golden road he’d onceimagined stretching out ahead of him and Josh. For the first time in eight years he could remember it without pain.

Chapter Thirteen

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