Page 62 of Persuaded

“Well.” Josh shifted in his seat, fingers flexing on the steering wheel. “I thought about it, but I couldn’t. I just—” He glanced back over. “I couldn’t get past you, Finn.”

His mouth was dry, throat tight, but he made himself say, “I couldn’t get past you, either.”

Josh gave a shaky smile and fumbled his right hand toward Finn’s. He gripped it tight, heart skipping as he threaded their fingers together—so achingly familiar, holding his hand—and didn’t even care that Josh was driving one-handed on icy roads. He didn’t let go until they reached New Milton.

They’d lost the sun behind a heavy bank of clouds by the time Josh pulled up outside his little cottage on Sandy Lane. Finn’s bag was in the trunk, but Josh didn’t even have his coat with him. Strange, but this was how Finn remembered him: intense and in the moment. Not reckless like Liz, but oblivious to the world sometimes, caught up in the now. He’d loved that about him then. He loved it about him now.

Josh killed the engine, leaving behind a charged silence. Even the birds were hushed under the threat of snow. Finn didn’t know why Josh wanted to come back here, except that New Milton was where it had all begun. What better place for it to begin again?

“You, uh, got any coffee in there?” Josh hadn’t been back in weeks.

“Probably,” he said. “No milk, though.”

“Coffee’s coffee.”

Josh gave a wary smile, like he might be having second thoughts. Reaching out, Finn brushed his fingertips over Josh’s hand where he fiddled with the car keys in his lap. “C’mon,” he said. “Let’s go inside.”

The cottage was cold. But Josh fired up the heating and the little place warmed up fast, the aroma of brewing coffee doing as much as the woodstove to take the edge off the chill.

“You have to know,” Josh said, pulling a couple of mugs from the cupboard, “that if we—if we give this a shot again, the press will find out. There’ll be consequences.”

“I know.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” Josh kept his back turned, fiddling with mugs and spoons. “All the women you dated... That was safer. It makes sense, given your career.”

Finn studied him, the way his head tipped forward and his dark hair curled at the back of his neck, behind his ears. It was fucking ridiculous that anyone could object to him loving this beautiful man, but he wasn’t dumb enough to pretend that coming out publicly wouldn’t have consequences. “Thing is, Josh, I don’t care.”

“Finn—”

“It’s true.” He reached out to turn Josh around, but dropped his hand at the last moment. He didn’t want to push. “Look, I’ve been acting for eight years now. And it’s been good. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a blast. But it’s not enough. It’s not enough without you. So if I don’t get work because of other people’s fucked-up prejudice, well, it sucks but I wasn’t kidding when I said fame and fortune don’t mean shit. They don’t. If I have to choose between that and you, then I choose you.” Josh turnedhis head and Finn caught his eye. “I’ll always choose you, Josh. None of it means anything without you. And that’s the truth.”

“And Liz?” Josh frowned. “Did you feel anything for her, or was she just... I don’t know, camouflage?”

Finn shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn’t want to talk about Liz; he wasn’t proud of what he’d done there. “I liked her,” he said, keeping his eyes fixed on the linoleum floor. “She’s sweet, attractive, fun to be around, but I didn’t... Seeing you again turned me upside down, Josh. It’s not an excuse”—he held up a hand to deflect Josh’s protest—“I know I was reckless. I know I could have hurt Liz. But you gotta understand, I was terrified.” He swallowed, but the emotions were right there in his throat and he couldn’t hold them back. “You have no idea how it hurt when you ended it. And I’m not blaming you, but I was afraid it would happen again because I still...because of howmuchI still—”

“Finn.” Josh touched his face, cupping his jaw. When Finn looked up, Josh was watching him with such regret it pierced him. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“It’s not.” His thumb traced Finn’s cheekbone, brow creasing as he sighed. “I should never have ended it. I didn’t want to.”

“I shouldn’t have let you. I should have fought harder, not given up.” He lifted a hand to Josh’s face, the scruff along his jawline rough beneath his palm. He remembered this, the soul-deep joy of touching Josh. He’d never felt it with anyone else. Behind them, the percolator spat and hissed and outside the snow started falling again. Josh wet his lips and Finn’s pulse skittered.

“Can I—?” Josh said, voice rough. “Can I kiss you?”

Finn made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob of relief. “Fuck, yes.” Noses bumped as he leaned in, Finn’s lips grazing the corner of Josh’s mouth. It was tender and uncertainand Josh gave a soft, nervous laugh. But when their lips met for real, when Finn drew him into his arms, it felt like coming home. It felt like cold water at the end of a long hot day, like letting go.

They stood like that for a long time, kissing slowly as the snow fell outside and the logs in the woodstove crackled. Stroking Josh’s back—God, it felt so good to hold him again—Finn found the hem of his heavy sweater, and when his fingers slipped underneath to caress the bare skin at the small of his back, Josh sucked in a shivery breath. Finn’s heart all but stopped. The play of strong muscles under his hands, the curve of Josh’s spine toward his ass: it was all so blazingly familiar. So incredibly hot.

Finn’s blood sank south so fast it made him dizzy.

With a soft moan, Josh tipped his head to the side, baring his neck for Finn to kiss the sweet spot behind his ear that had always made him—

“Fuck,” Josh hissed, clutching at Finn’s hips, pressing against him. He was hard as a rock, they both were. “God, Finn, yes...”

And he couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted all of him. Right then. Always. “Bedroom...?”

“Behind me,” Josh said, not letting go.

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