Page 8 of Persuaded

Sean gave a nervous laugh. “Um, Hanworth Hall? I just bought your family home.”

“Oh,” Joshua said, because all he could think was,He doesn’t know.He doesn’t know about me and Finn. “Right. Yes, of course. No, please don’t feel awkward about that. I’m only glad we could sell it. My father... Well.” He trailed off because no one wanted to talk about Charles Newton, Joshua least of all.

Sean nodded. “I get it. My dad wasn’t exactly father of the year, either.”

Joshua caught himself before he said,Yeah, I know, and they stood there in an awkward silence until Sean cleared his throat. “So,” he said, “I heard this is the best coffee bar in town?”

“By default.” Joshua chanced a smile. “It’s theonlycoffee bar in town.”

Sean grinned. “Then I’ll have your best latte, please. To go.”

“Coming right up.” Joshua turned to the machine behind him, hands working mechanically as his stupid mind tried to trace Finn’s features in Sean’s face.

Sean’s eyes were milder, more hazel than Finn’s clear green, and although he had a handsome face it didn’t equal his brother’s classical beauty. He burned less bright than Finn, gentler in every respect. More approachable. Joshua decided he liked him, just like Finn had predicted all those years ago. Of course, that just made it hurt even more. In another life, this man could have been a brother to him—a better brother than his own.

Lexa and Ali propped up the other end of the bar now, whispering together. Joshua sent them a stern look—Leave the man alone!—but they’d always been willful and he had no authority over them.

Lexa grinned. “So, Sean, have you checked out the Rock House yet?”

Joshua kept his back to Sean and finished steaming the milk so it was aerated just right.

“That’s the bar on the edge of town?”

“Yeah. They have live music Tuesday nights. You and Finn should come along.”

Having never been able to flirt, Joshua found himself amazed by how easily it came to others, how little it seemed to embarrass them or look awkward. Lexa was too young for Sean and he was married anyway, yet she flirted with him brazenly and, through him, with Finn. Joshua didn’t know whether to be disapproving or envious.

“Actually, that sounds good,” Sean said. “We might do that.”

So easy, Joshua thought as he poured the steamed milk slowly into the middle of the cup, letting it mix with the espresso. These people who said and did exactly what they wanted astonished him. He wished he was more like them. Perhaps things would have turned out differently if he’d just taken what he wanted and said to hell with his responsibilities.

“Cool,” Lexa said as Joshua turned around and slid Sean’s latte across the counter.

“There you go.”

Sean thanked him and took a sip, eyes widening in surprise. “This is good,” he said with an appreciative nod. “This isexcellent.”

Sean meant it as a compliment, of course, and Joshua took it as such. But he found himself wanting to explain—wanting Sean to know that there was more to him than this.Or maybe it wasn’t Sean he wanted to know, maybe it was himself. Or maybe it was Finn.

But what else was he? A rootless teacher of music and wannabe professional who never made it—who never even tried, in the end.

“Listen,” Sean said as he got up to leave, “maybe we’ll see you guys at the Rock House tonight? My brother’s into music, so it definitely sounds like his kinda thing. But don’t tweet it or anything, okay?”

Joshua simply nodded, felt himself freeze like the proverbial deer in the headlights. Luckily Lexa and Ali squealed loud enough to drown out any need for a response.

And so he found himself counting down the hours until the evening, so preoccupied that he gave three people the wrong change and Dee peered over the pink rims of her glasses to ask whether he was unwell and needed to go home. It would have made a good excuse to skip the Rock House, and the fact that he didn’t seize the chance only demonstrated the depths of his turmoil; he dreaded meeting Finn almost as much as he longed to see him again. Either way, the encounter was inevitable and he figured it would probably be easier at the Rock House than somewhere with fewer places to hide.

So, as much as music bars weren’t his scene, Joshua resolved to go along and get the meeting over with.

Dee’s closed at half past five and Joshua headed home, showered, and spent longer than he could justify deciding what to wear. He hesitated over his blue shirt—the one Liz once told him made his eyes “pop”—or just a casual T-shirt. He didn’t want Finn to think he was trying to look attractive. Not that hewasthat attractive. Eight long, difficult years had worn him down and there were shadows under his eyes and new lines at their corners. He wished they were laughter lines, but he knew he just looked melancholy.

Disregarding the blue shirt, he opted for his favorite Led Zeppelin T-shirt instead. Old and faded, it probably made him feel better than it made him look. But that was okay; tonight he needed all the help he could get.

With butterflies in his stomach, Joshua headed out early. He figured the bar would be quieter then and all he’d need to do was wait for Sean and Finn to show up, get the awkward meeting over with, and then fade into the crowd and away. He drove there, even though he could walk, because he needed an excuse not to drink—being drunk would be a disaster tonight—and he’d just turned onto Main Street when he saw a commotion outside Dee’s.

Pulling over, he got out to find tables and chairs on the sidewalk, the coffee shop door standing wide open and water dripping down the two steps and out onto the street.

Dee leaned against one of the tables with her phone pressed to her ear, talking loudly about insurance. Poking his head inside he found Ali and Lexa dressed to kill and glowering, barefoot on the soggy floor as they hauled everything not fixed down up onto the counter or out the front door.

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