Page 16 of A Flash of Neon
“I think it’s just what some people are like,” I tell him eventually. “Especially if there are three of you. I see it with other groups in our year too.”
I wonder if it’s the same with Tilly, Jamie and Elsie. Somehow I don’t think so. Whenever I see them in the corridors, they’re always laughing, smiling, hugging each other. When there was a Valentine’s Day message board set up in the corridor back in February, they all left anonymous messages for each other saying how amazing and gorgeous and brilliant they were – it was easy to tell who they were from because all three of them had drawnDoctor Whocharacters on the notes.
“You deserve friends who are good to you.” Neon knocks his knee against mine. “Like the ones you gave me.”
The Pyramid Club is made up of four people including Neon. There’s Kairo, an unbelievably brilliant drummer who also loves to dance. Yifei, the bassist, possibly the funniest and most sarcastic person in the whole of New York City. And finally Jennie, lead guitarist and backing vocalist, who speaks four languages and makes all her own clothes from scratch. It was fun coming up with people so much more confident than me, who have the talents that I wish I had. But the best part was creating a group of friends who really love each other.
My eyes suddenly feel hot. “Well, I have you now, don’t I?”
“Yeah, of course.” Neon links his arms round my shoulders and squeezes me tight. “But I’m only here until Saturday. You need other people too.”
“Well, Caitlin’s been a lot nicer since you got here. Maybe things will be different now.”
“I hope so.” He scrapes the last of the meringue from his plate and grins at me. “If not, I’ll send someone over from the Realm to sort her out. How about the Hulk?”
I laugh and bite into a slice of peach. “You’ve never seen Caitlin when she’s angry. Bruce Banner would be no match for her.”
My eyes are still prickly, but there’s a warm feeling in my chest too. It’s good to know that Neon sees what I see. That someone, even if he may not be fully real, has my back.
By lunchtime the next day, word about Neon’s performance in Music has spread so far, he’s practically a local celebrity. Matt and Hari borrow another guitar at lunch and badger Neon into giving a mini concert in the courtyard. Neon protests at first, but I can tell from his grin that he loves the attention. At first there are only a dozen or so kids from our class watching, but more and more join, teachers and other members of staff too, and soon almost a hundred people have surrounded him. Tilly stands to my left with Jamie Singh and Elsie Jackson. When I catch her eye, she nods.
“He’s good,” she says. Two words, and it’s the most she’s spoken to me in two years.
“Thanks,” I say. “I mean, I know. He’s amazing.”
“You guys should perform together. I bet you’d sound great.”
My cheeks burn. The thought of singing onstage with an audience absolutely terrifies me. “Nah. I’d probably throw up again.”
Tilly is one of the few people who have heard me sing properly. She has a karaoke machine, and we used to spend hours after school and at the weekends performing duets or pretending we were starring in West End musicals. That’s the weird thing about ex-best friends – when there’s so much you know about each other, you can never go back to being strangers.
Our friendship started to fall apart after we started high school. We were placed in different classes, me in 1C and Tilly in 1D. Tilly became friends with Jamie and Elsie right away. They were into stuff that I knew nothing about – things like manga,Doctor Whoand Dungeons and Dragons, which Tilly became instantly obsessed with. Soon that was all she talked about, and every second sentence was “Jamie said this” or “Elsie likes that”.
When I went to hers one Friday for our usual karaoke session, she criticised every song I suggested – Jamie couldn’t stand that band; Elsie thought this singer was so annoying. It made me so angry, I threw the mic across her room.
“Why didn’t you invite Elsie and Jamie, then, if they’re so much better than me?”
“I wanted to!” Tilly spat back at me. “But my dad said I wasn’t allowed to uninvite you, and I didn’t want you there with them. You’d spoil everything.”
For a moment, all we could do was stare at each other – and then I burst into tears. Tilly went to get me a tissue and gave me a hug, but it felt half-hearted. I was only a couple of centimetres taller and a bit heavier than her, but suddenly I felt huge in her room: a giant soft toy that she’d long outgrown and was only now getting around to throwing away.
“Sorry. I really didn’t mean to upset you. And you wouldn’t spoil anything. That was a really mean thing to say.” She looked down at her wrist and tugged at the friendship bracelet that I made for her at Brownies when we were eight. “I just feel like we’re growing apart a bit. I can’t help it.”
By then, I was already friendly with Caitlin and Hannah, so on Monday I moved to their table at lunch. And that was it. There was no Friendship Over announcement, no angry messages sent to or received on our phones. One day, I noticed Tilly had taken the bracelet off, so I took mine off too. I didn’t speak to her again.
The way we act now, it’s like we barely knew each other at all. Sometimes I feel like I really don’t know her any more, like when she’d signed up for the ski trip next month. She always hated sports and PE, so I never would have guessed she’d want to try something like that. I was surprised when I heard she’d come out as pansexual too. Not in a bad way – I have two mums so obviously it’s not an issue for me. I just didn’t see it coming.
I glance over at Neon, who’s now playing an acoustic version of a Beyoncé song – Caitlin and Hannah are swaying and waving the torches on their phones like they’re at a concert. If Neon feels nervous, it doesn’t show. His smile grows with the crowd, warm and inviting. When I look back at Tilly, she’s laughing about something with Jamie. I’ve already been forgotten.
By the time the bell rings, Neon’s voice is starting to go hoarse and he’s shaking the cramp out of his fingers. I go to join him as the crowd disperses, Caitlin and Hannah right behind me.
“Sorry about that.” For the first time, he looks quite sheepish. “I didn’t mean to put on a mini concert. I just love playing so much.”
I grin at him. “That’s OK. I’m surprised you’re still talking to us, now you’re famous.”
He mimes putting sunglasses on. “Well, I need a crew. Know any tour managers?”
“I can do it. You’ll see the world.” I spread my hands in an arc through the air. “Inverness! Nairn! Drumnadrochit!”
