Page 13 of Warrior

“I wanted to talk to someone about enlisting.”

His eyes slide over my attire again, assessing, before coming to rest on my face. For a second, I fear he’s going to laugh at me and ask me to leave. I hold my breath when his brow lifts and he asks, “What makes you think you’re good enough to join our team?”

Chapter 6

Lyric

He’s lying to me. The realization hits me square in the chest and rattles my heart around in my rib cage. Ever since they got back from spring break, two months ago, Colt and Zane have been twitchy. Zane barely meets my eyes and refuses to study with me after school. Colt is guarded. He answers my questions with nonanswers or his own open-ended questions. We’ve been fighting more too. Lately, all he wants to do is work out after school and on the weekends. He’s bulked up, and my stomach twists, hoping he didn’t decide to start taking supplements because of college football. His behavior has been erratic, and now I can add lying to the list. I wanted to spend time with him today after school and he said he couldn’t because he had something important to ask his old coach. I may sound like a crazy girlfriend, but I’m worried. This isn’t like him, and with graduation tomorrow, I’m jumpy.

I palm my forehead, unable to believe I actually snuck into the gym where the coaches have their offices and stalked the door, waiting for him. I feel like an idiot. He never showed and when his coach caught me, he said he never had plans with Colt.

My brain flies over every bit of information and changes that I’ve seen in him. All things go back to spring break. Dread layers my gut and my mind jumps to all the worst conclusions. Is he cheating on me? Did he go there and decide he wishes he was going as a single guy? That would explain Zane’s behavior, too. I was stupid to think he was my friend enough to tell me if something was going on. He’s been just as dodgy though, and I’ve caught him a few times glancing at Colt before he’ll even talk to me. It sucks to feel like I’m on the outside of our friendship for the first time in years. I have to remind myself he was Colt’s friend first, but I thought he would at least be decent to me if Colt was screwing around.

Biting my lip, I cross my arms over my chest, wanting to hold in all the anguish my body is fighting to let out, and I speed walk to my car. Tears blur my vision and I swallow repeatedly to keep my sobs locked down. I need to speak to Colt. I want answers. Even if it’s the worst thing possible and he cheated on me, I need to know. It’s the unknown in this situation that freaks me out. Colt’s never been secretive. Graduation is tomorrow, and we literally leave for Alabama in three months. I can hear my daddy’s warnings about following my boyfriend to college blaring in my mind. He wasn’t happy about my decision. He didn’t want me that far away. The look in Momma’s eyes, the one of happiness but also guilt because she was worried about me, is still like a fresh slash to my heart. She knew I based my plans on Colt’s and that I wouldn’t have picked Alabama if it wasn’t for him. She reminded me gently not to lose myself by going with him. I had to plead my case to both of them so much over Christmas break this past winter that we ended up barely enjoying the holidays. I don’t want to be wrong about Colt. I can’t afford to be.

I take my cell out and try calling him again. This time, it goes right to voicemail, and I barely restrain my arm from chuckingthe phone on the ground. I’m turning into one of those girls completely fueled by emotion and making choices I’ll probably regret later. Once I’m in my car, I lose it. Tears and sobs flow in the silence. I can’t breathe and everything, everything hurts. My cheeks sting with embarrassment. I need to drive home and find a way to turn my mind off for a while. I just need to survive tonight.

Graduation is like nothing I had built up in my head. After failed attempts at getting ahold of Colt yesterday, I went to bed with a headache and my stomach twisted in knots. He never called me back. At one this morning, he sent a text saying we would talk after graduation. One moment I was blissed out to finally hear from him, and the next I was pissed he thought it was okay to act like this and make all the decisions. He’s had zero regard for my feelings.

I’m keeping my distance. With our names being far apart in the alphabet, I watch through tears as he accepts his diploma. His eyes touch briefly on mine and I swear I see regret in his. It doesn’t make sense. My head bows. When our caps fly in the air, I don’t even take in the glitter that swirls around me after. Nothing is as it should be.

I don’t wait for Colt after, instead choosing to get in the car with my parents and head to Roadside, our local BBQ joint and event center. Instead of a grad party, we had all chosen to eat here with our families and have a combined party. It had been something I was looking forward to all year, but now it feels like a social obligation, when all I truly want is to be home and hiding under my covers. As much as I want to have it out with Colt, I’m terrified.

I make small talk with our group of friends, even while I feel Colt’s eyes on me from across the room. He stands off to the side with Zane and Tim. To my surprise, Colt’s dad came as well. I wonder if Colt is happy about it or frustrated like always. I don’t want to think about him right now. I try to smile and laugh instead. My body makes its way around the restaurant, stopping for pictures or signing yearbooks. Momma attempts to get me to eat, but I can’t. Her lips turn into a frown and I see the questions in her eyes, so I stay away from her too. The only other person in the world who could pull the rug out from under the façade I’m running with right now would be her. And it hurts too much to lie to her.

My mind is spinning around so much that I flinch when Colt grabs my wrist. My eyes dart up to his, and I wonder if he can see that he’s slowly breaking my heart.

“Come outside with me?” he asks, his head tilting toward the side doors. I feel my spine straighten. My stubbornness bubbles to the surface.

“Just say it here,” I tell him, looking around the room and gritting my teeth together.

His head hangs down, but he moves closer to me. “I enlisted.”

“Repeat that,” I tell him, tilting my head to hear him better. There’s no way I heard him correctly.

“I enlisted in the Army,” Colt says again, his eyes snapping up to meet mine. “I’m not going to Alabama.”

My mouth drops open before I snap it closed. Tears sting my eyes and threaten to spill. “Enlisted in the military?” He nods slowly. I suck in air, needing to get oxygen to my brain before my body decides to shut down. Anger simmers in my blood. “Are we going to talk about this? Do I get a say?”

Colt steps back from me, and I shudder. “It’s already done. Zane and I both leave in two days for basic training.”

I can’t move. Blood rushes through my ears; my heart spasms in my chest, while the pain starts to seep into my bones. It hurts to breathe, to think, to talk. Colt steps around my frozen frame and moves to the center of the restaurant.

“Hey, everybody!” I hear him yell, and Zane steps up next to him, whistling between his fingers. The room quiets and everyone turns to watch Colt. I feel eyes land on me as well. My arms wrap around myself, trying to hold myself together.

“Ah, I just have a quick announcement to make. I wanted you all to be the first to know,” he starts out, a half smile on his face, but he looks nervous. I hope that nervousness eats him alive. “Awhile back I made a decision that changed my life. I know for the past four years y’all have watched me every Friday night and everyone in this town has always supported our Wolverine football team…”

“Hear, hear,” shouts someone in the crowd. A few others start howling.

Colt’s hands come up to regain their attention. “I know a lot of you were looking forward to watching me play college ball as well, but I’ve had a change of plans. I joined a bigger team. A team of incredible men and women that fight for freedom and for our country. I’m now a soldier in the United States Army.”

The silence is deafening before a slow clap starts. For the first time I look up at Colt. He doesn’t look smug or cheerful. He knew this would be the outcome, and he still went through with it anyway. Slowly people start to come forward to congratulate him. Most of them are wearing shocked expressions and a few known veterans look proud. My parents stand in the back, and I pretend to ignore the looks they’re shooting my way. Obviously, with one look at me right now, they have to know I did not expect this or know anything about it.

Boots scuffle across the room, followed by a slammed door, draws my attention. I see Mr. Street walking away from the building. I bite my lip right as Colt moves next to me.

“I have to go.” He nods to his dad. “We can talk more later.”

I want to stomp my foot and demand that he talk to me now, except I can barely find my voice. He moves past me and leaves. A hushed murmur goes around the room. I feel exposed, left out, and abandoned.

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