Page 23 of Replay
“The only thing I’ll regret, sugar, is not beating the shit out of him right now for doing that to you. If you were with me every night, I sure as fuck would not be fucking around with anyone else.” Hawke glares at Jax.
My cheeks heat and my heart races. Hawke set all of this into motion. I know he did. He told me he was going to end it for me, even when he first told me to let Jax go. And I didn’t. I’m just as much to blame right now and it's maddening. I never wanted anyone to be hurt, and yet they both are hurting me.
“He’s playing you, Emma. He wants us to break up because he has some sick obsession with you. He threatened me at ChuChu’s and I didn’t come clean then. I should have before we officially started, but I was too scared to lose you.” Jax is pleading with me and my gut clenches.
My feet shuffle back. “I need some time.”
He shakes his head, reaching for me. “Don’t, baby, please. This is what he wants. Don’t let him win.”
My gaze slides to Hawke who is watching Jax’s passionate speech with a sinister grin on his face. For the first time I can see the side of my ex-boyfriend that others have perceived as scary, cold, menacing. A mask slips over his face, one that I’m not used to. He tilts his head, those green eyes flicking from Jax to me. When they land on mine, pinning me into place, a maelstrom of feelings swirls in my chest. As Hawke takes a step toward me, the tension in the air thickens.
“Do you want to show him, Emmarys, or should I?”
My breath catches in my throat while my brain wars with whether to run or stay. Judging by Hawke’s tone, I don’t think there is a way I am going to escape any of this tonight. “Show him what?”
Hawke’s eyes flash with a challenge and that is the last thing I see before he’s in my space, his six-foot-four frame towering over mine, his hands are warm as they cradle my face before his lips devour mine. Desperate. Hard. Possessive. His mouth never leaves mine and only when my lungs need air and my lips part does his tongue slide in, ready to conquer mine. My legs shake and my hands grip the material of his sweatshirt at his sides, anchoring him to me. My toes curl in my shoes when he groans against my lips, pouring all of his longing into this kiss. A whimper escapes me and I feel one of his hands slide to the back of my neck, his hand fisting my hair, and he yanks me back.
I break away with a gasp, and the haze around us starts to lift now that the tension has been temporarily cut. Hawke chuckles darkly, his teeth lightly grazing my jaw. “You did so good, sweets. Now he knows that you’re mine too.”
His words stun me, turning my blood cold, and I realize what I did. Hawke may have started the kiss, but I let him, and I did nothing to stop him. My eyes swing around and I try to escapehis grasp, but it's no use. Hawke holds my body tighter against his.
“He already left.”
Further enraged from his words, I push out of Hawke’s arms and put distance between us. My heart squeezes in my chest and tears, once again, cloud my vision. I can’t believe I did that. Even as mad and hurt by Jax as I am, I still shouldn’t have kissed Hawke back. He is right, I showed Jax the power Hawke has always had over me even when I don’t want him to. I feel betrayed by my boyfriend, my ex, my body. My feet shuffle back farther and Hawke’s eyes narrow on me.
“Let me drive you home.”
“I don’t think that's a good idea.” I shake my head, feeling numb.
He steps into me and takes my phone from my hands. “I’ll get one of your girls to go with you then.”
A sob hitches in my throat and I press my hands to my eyes. “I don’t want them to leave the party. Riley hasn’t seen Reign in days because of their schedules and Sam is finally trying to move on. I'm a big girl, I can get myself home, Hawke.”
“I know you can, sugar, doesn’t mean I’m going to let you right now.” He taps on my phone then hands it back to me before pulling his own out. “You’re upset. I don’t want you driving like this.”
I laugh at this and his gaze snaps to mine. “It's your fault I’m upset. What you did tonight was not fair.”
“I never said I was going to play fair, sweets. You know I’m here for you, that I want you. It's always been you for me, since the moment I first saw you. There’s no stopping what is happening, not now that I’m finally able to touch you and see you every day again.” He says it all so calmly as if it's guaranteed we end up together, happily ever after, and I want to rage at him for the stunt he pulled.
“You don’t get to decide things for me, Hawke. And inviting that woman here was embarrassing for me and her,” I chastise him, only Hawke looks like he could care less. His face is hard and there isn’t a hint of guilt in his cool stare.
“Emmarys, he lied, he cheated on you, and he tried to manipulate your feelings on the matter. I don’t give a fuck about the woman he did that with or about his feelings. I care about you.”
“I cheated too!” My arms wrap around my waist. “You kissed me and I let it happen. I participated. I’m not innocent in this situation.”
Hawke shakes his head in denial, before stepping closer to me, crowding my body against the nearby tree. “Nothing about our kiss is tainted. That is real. You are mine. I am yours. Fuck, if anything, Em, it’s me you’ve been cheating on by being with him.”
My eyes widen and my palms raise to rest on his chest, keeping some distance between our bodies. “We haven’t been together in two years. You can’t expect me to believe that in all that time, with your lifestyle, that you haven’t dated anyone else?—”
“I haven’t so much as looked at anyone else, sugar. I don’t want anyone else besides you, Emmarys. I never have. You’ve always been the one for me. Today, tomorrow, ten years from now, in this life and even in the next one, you will always be mine.” He stares at me so intently while heat spreads through my body and up my neck to my cheeks.
I want to believe him so badly. I always wanted to be his, but he was always leaving me and breaking my heart. Right now I truly don’t have the energy to go over our history. Opening old wounds would not be a good idea tonight and we’ve already drawn too much attention and created a scene.
“I’m tired, Hawke. I need space and I just want to go home.”
His eyes sharpen on my face and I can feel the protective way his body moves against mine, cradling me now, before slipping his phone from his pocket. I watch as he sends a text and swipes it away again. Hawke presses off the tree, taking my hand in his and holding me to his side. He doesn’t say anything else and I’m thankful that I have time for my head to clear and my emotions to settle. Within minutes, Riggs comes out of the house and starts walking toward us.
“I’ll give you space tonight, sweets. We’ll call a truce for now. And since I know you won't want me to do it, Riggs is going to drive you back to your place. He’s my best friend and I trust him with my life or else this wouldn’t be happening,” Hawke explains, while walking me toward the truck that Riggs has climbed into.
