Page 73 of Second Chance Fate

“But I don’t…why didn’t you say anything?”

She felt tears brimming in her eyes. Her chest was tight. She didn’t know why it was making her so emotional that he’d known this entire time, but it was.

For the first time in Owen’s life, she felt disconnected from him. She felt like he didn’t trust her. She did see the irony that she’d been so scared that he would feel betrayed by her, and yet she was sitting there feeling some kind of way over him keeping her in the dark. It was ridiculous, and she knew that she was wrong for feeling it, but that didn’t make it any less true.

Owen didn’t respond. Instead, he just looked down, staring at his hands. His cheek hollowed as he bit the inside of his mouth. He did that when he was thinking, so she didn’t rush him.

He had always been a thoughtful child. He was very intentional with his words. His therapist told Taylor once that his ability to take the time he needed to process so he could articulate himself accurately impressed her. She went a step further, saying that he’d mastered the art of that form of communication more than any other patient, adult or adolescent, she’d ever worked with. So as badly as Taylor wanted to know what he was thinking, she bit her tongue and sat in silence to give him a safe space to express himself.

Finally, he lifted his head, and his eyes found hers. She was immediately struck by the clarity she saw reflecting back at her. In that moment, she knew that, for better or worse, she was going to know what was in her son’s heart, even if it broke hers. Her fingers wrapped around the armrest of the chair as she both emotionally and physically braced herself.

He took a deep breath, and as he exhaled, his shoulders relaxed. “I guess there were a few reasons I never said anything. When we first got here, I didn’t tell you I knew because I wasn’t sure I wanted him to be in our lives. It wasn’t about him; I didn’t trust anyone.”

She couldn’t blame him for that. She’d felt the same way.

“Then, I got to know people who knew him, like Mr. Santino, Nonna, and Miss Cindy. They all said he was a good man, and I believed them. After that, I guess I was just waiting for you to tell me when you were ready. I thought you might tell me when we went to church. I even brought home the program and tried to give you an opening.” He grinned.

She remembered that. “Right, when you said everyone thought the picture was you.”

“That was true.” His smile widened. “They did say that.”

“But, I still don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me that you knew.” Her head shook back and forth as she tried to wrap her brain around Owen’s thinking.

His posture changed; he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. “When I was in kindergarten, I saw all the dads in the class opening doors for the moms, and Martin never opened your door. I promised myself I would always open your door.”

Taylor nodded even as her heart broke. She hated that her son had this weight to carry, that he’d ever been put in the position to feel like he’d had to be the man to protect her.

“You know I can open my own doors; that’s not your responsibility.”

He nodded. “I know you can open them, but I don’t want you to have to, not when I’m there.”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that. Guilt ate at her, but she knew this wasn’t the conversation to address that.

“Anyway, that wasn’t the only promise I made to myself that day. I promised myself that I would never treat you the way he did.” He looked up at her and reiterated, “Never.”

“Okay.” She was still confused, not sure how that equated to him not asking her about Caleb.

He must have seen that because Owen continued, “Martin told you where you could go, when you could leave, what you could say, what you could wear, what you could eat, who you could talk to… You had to do everything he wanted, all the time. You didn’t matter. Your feelings didn’t matter. You had no say over your life. I promised myself that I would never be like that. So, I wasn’t going to make you tell me about my dad until you were ready to tell me. I didn’t know the reason you weren’t telling me, but I did know that you love me. And I did know that the only reason you stayed with Martin was because of me?—”

“What?” Taylor had never said that she’d stayed with Martin because of Owen’s health to Owen. “Why would you say?—”

“Mom, stop.” He spoke with a quiet calm beyond his years. “I’m not stupid. I know that you would have left, that we would have left years before we did if we didn’t need his health insurance.”

Taylor felt her lower lip tremble as tears filled her eyes. She hated that her son knew that. She hated that she hadn’t been able to protect him from that truth.

“I know it’s not my fault for being sick, just like it’s not your fault that Martin was an asshole.” He grinned, and despite her heart breaking, she found herself smiling. “It’s just life. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s bad. It’s like the blood gases test; it’ll hurt, or it won’t.” He smiled. “But I’ve always known I’ll be okay because I had you. And now I have Caleb. And as bad as Martin is, Caleb is good.”

She let out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. “So, you’re happy that Caleb’s your dad.”

“I used to spend hours, so many hours, imagining what he would be like, and in my head, I always wanted him to be Coach Taylor. That was the best dad I could think of having.”

Her brow furrowed. “FromFriday Night Lights?”

Owen nodded. “Yeah, and he had our last name, so that made it even easier to imagine.”

“But Caleb is even better than him.”

“He is,” she agreed.

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