Page 92 of Second Chance Fate

His fingertips dug into her hip, and he rested his forehead against hers as his jaw tensed and his voice dropped an octave as he replied, “I love you.”

And just like that, her body was tingling for an entirely different reason.

28

Caleb stoodin front of the congregation; his fingers curled around the edges of the pulpit as he scanned the sea of faces. On any given Sunday, the church that seated just shy of a thousand was around seventy percent full. For a town with a population of five thousand, those were disproportionate numbers. He knew every other Sunday, those numbers had more to do with the fact that pop stars, Oscar winners, and professional athletes attended the church. Today was different. Today, every seat in the main sanctuary was filled, the overflow room was at capacity, and there were people standing against the back wall. Not to mention, the online livestream views, which were typically in the hundreds, were in the thousands. It was the most eyes that had ever been on the church, on him, so why was he even considering doing what he was considering doing?

“Let me start by asking, by a show of hands, is it anyone’s first time here?” He asked a question he already knew the answer to.

He didn’t do a headcount, but at least a couple dozen people lifted their hands. His palms were damp and his heart was racing, but he knew what the right thing to do was. He knew itjust like he knew asking Taylor to marry him was the right thing to do, because even though what he’s about to do terrifies him, not doing it scares him more. Every time he decides he can’t, he has no peace. So, just like with Taylor, he had to trust and jump.

“Welcome, I’m Caleb Harrison. I’ve been the senior pastor at Hope Falls Community Church for over five years. Before that, my dad, George, was the senior pastor for over fifty years.” Caleb motioned to where his parents were seated with Taylor in the front row to his left. There were cheers as his dad lifted his hand. “If it’s your first time, we are so happy to have you, but I need to start with a very big disclaimer: you came on a very special day. This service is not going to be what you can expect going forward. For one thing, this isquitethe turnout. We are not usually at standing room only.” He lifted his hand, reaching to the back of the room. The sound of wood creaking reverberated off the walls as everyone began to twist in the pews, murmuring and looking around to see how crowded it was. “It seems Kelis’s milkshake brought all the boys to the yard, and a scandal in my personal life brings all the Hope Falls residents, reporters, and maybe even some tourists to church.”

The reaction to his making light of the situation was mixed. A ripple of laughter rolled through the congregation, some of it sounded like nervous laughter, some of it just found it funny, and then there were the ones who were laughing like Caleb’s mom, which was in spite of herself. She didn’t want to laugh but couldn’t help herself. There were also stares that looked less than friendly and others that just looked curious.

Caleb looked down at his notes. His palms were sweaty, and his heart was racing. For some reason, his body was responding like the time he and Josh went bungee jumping off the hotel in Vegas. He felt like he was standing on the edge, about to take a leap. In a way, it was. He was taking a leap of faith. Faith in himself and faith in the community.

He took a deep breath. “The other reason this is going to be so different is because for the first time ever, I’m not going to give you the message I prepared.” He picked up his notes. “Today was supposed to be the first part of a new series on kindness. I was going to talk about how kindness is not actually niceness, which is what most people perceive it to be. If you go back to the origin of the word, it actually translates as helpfulness. I was going to talk about how kindness is the absence of ego and the health benefits of kindness, and I will talk about all those things…next week. This week, I am going to speak to you from my heart. Nothing prepared. Just me to you.” He put the notes down. “The first time I was up on this stage was when I was…how old, Mom?”

He glanced over at his mom, seated between his dad and wife, who had been receiving a ton of stares and whispers. She’d slipped in right before the service started with Mario and his partner Roman, who were both at the wedding ceremony at his parents the night before.

His mom held up her hand, fingers spread wide. “Five days old.”

A murmur rumbled in the crowd like a wave at a sporting event, no doubt from people being either shocked, horrified, impressed, or all of the above at his mother’s resilience after giving birth.

“I was five days old. I obviously don’t have any memory of that day, but I do have a lot of other memories of being up here.” He reached up and touched the area just above his eyebrow on his forehead. “I remember having to get stitches for the first time when I was eight playing Jesus to Nikki Maguire’s Virgin Mary in the nativity play because she got bored and started playing hot potato with the gold bars the wise men brought baby Jesus.”

“Sorry!” she called out an apology somewhere from the center pew.

“No worries.” Caleb grinned. There was some laughter in the crowd as he continued, “I was baptized up here, and I’ve baptized some of you here. I have been a ring bearer, groomsman, best man, and officiant at dozens of weddings since taking over the role of senior pastor. I’ve prayed with you, dedicated your babies, and stood beside families through grief as they said their final goodbye to loved ones from this very spot.

“I have also sat where all of you are now, week after week, watching and listening to my dad as he spoke from his heart and shared his life and his flaws, and, during my teenage years, a lot of mine.” Caleb smiled as a roll of chuckles went through the congregation before continuing, “I watched him teach, inspire, and motivate. I used to get embarrassed sometimes because I thought he overshared, but now I understand why he did.” Caleb picked up his Bible. “He did that so that everything written in this book would come alive. He did it to give the stories, the lessons in this book that happened thousands of years ago, context that people now could relate to, and he did it well. My dad, Pastor George Harrison, served this community as the head pastor of Hope Falls Community Church for over fifty years. And I know I’m biased, but I don’t think anyone in this room would disagree with me when I say he is the G.O.A.T. He is an institution in this town. He’s Kobe, LeBron, and Shaq. So, what does that make me? Well, I’ll tell you.

“I am a spiritual nepo baby.A lotof you know me, or at least youthinkyou do. You saw me grow up here, from day five on. If Hope Falls is your hometown and it takes a village, you all were the village. And I realized something these last few weeks: I am guilty of taking for granted the fact that you all just accepted me in this role because I am Pastor Harrison’s son, Caleb. You either watched me grow up, or were my peer, or if you are younger than me, then I was the pastor’s kid. Or maybe you’re new to the church because of Karina’s post and the ‘Hot Pastor’ postthat went viral.” There were a few woos, and Caleb smiled as he shook his head. “I want to be clear, I’m not saying I don’t deserve this role or that this isn’t where God wants me to be; what Iamsaying is that I believe that because the majority of you have known me my entire life, or you think you know me from a post on the internet, you have transposed your beliefs onto me without challenging me on knowing what I believe. What I stand for.

“So today, we’re going to have a very honest and transparent conversation about my beliefs and my vision for this community and my role as the head of this church and how I plan to lead going forward. And then after today, if as a group, you all feel like I am not the man you want standing up here, I will step down and hand in my resignation.”

There were more rumblings and creaks of wood as people shifted uncomfortably in the pews, a single audible gasp, and from the corner of his eye, he could see his mother’s foot tapping and her arms were crossed. She was not a happy camper.

He moved from behind the podium and walked to the edge of the altar and sat down so his feet were on the first step. He leaned forward so his hands were clasped together and his forearms rested on his thighs just above his knees. He wanted this to feel casual and intimate. He wanted to have a conversation with everyone. He wasn’t preaching to them.

“First, I want to preface this by saying if any question I ask sounds leading or rhetorical or sarcastic, I promise you, they are not. This is a sincere, transparent conversation that I want to have so you can know where my heart is and vice versa.” He took another breath. His brain was telling his nervous system that he was back on top of the Stratosphere in Las Vegas, about to jump off the building, except this time he was doing it without a harness. “Okay, show of hands, who in this room believes they have never sinned?”

He scanned the room. Some people were exchanging where-is-this-going glances. Some were blankly staring up at him. There were others with their arms crossed who appeared extremely skeptical, and some who looked intrigued. No one raised their hand.

“Great, so we are all in agreement that everyone here has sinned. That is something we have in common. We can all agree on that. So then let’s talk about that, about sin. In Exodus 20:7 it says, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. Growing up, I always thought that meant when someone said,“Oh my god.” But, I’m going to be honest, that is not my belief anymore. The more I have studied, the more I think that what “using in vain” is actually referring to is not saying“Oh my god,” but it is using God’s name in vain to persecute people, to hurt them, using it in a way that contradicts who he is. What hisloveis.

“How many wars have been started in the name of God, in the name of religion? How many people have died? How many people have suffered by the hand of people who claim they represent God? How many times has God’s name been used for personal or political gain? How many times has religion been used to control and repress people instead of setting them free?

“And how many times has God’s name been used to make people feel shame? To make them feel unworthy. Not by the world outside these doors, but by the people inside the church. Not only this church—I’m talking about any church, any religion, any belief.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the term‘Keep my name out ya mouth,’but a lot of times I wonder if that’s what God is thinking.” There were some scattered chuckles. “Whenever I hear people using ‘God’ to justifyanybehavior that is not kind, loving, empathetic, encouraging, and/or safe for others, it must be horrible for Him. In worst-case scenarios, it has to break hisheart that anyone would hurt someone in His name when He is love. And best-case scenario, it has to irritate him, like, ‘Hey, why don’t you worry about getting your own life together and not worry about telling people what I wantthem to do.’”

“These past few weeks,myname has been in a few people’s mouths. Some of those people were defending me, which was not needed, and I don’t necessarily condone the methods, but I do appreciate it.”

There were a few muffled laughs coming from the women who were in the locker room or had heard the story of Nonna being physically dragged away from Patsy.

“And some people were talking about me because they didn’t think I was living up to their standard as a godly man. They thought I was living in sin.Sin. There’s that word again. Some of you might think that the distinction of what constitutessinis black and white. It’s in the Bible, and there is no room for interpretation. If that is your belief, then this is probably not the place for you, or if the majority of people in this room believe that, then I am not the man to be up here because that isnotwhat I believe.

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