Page 100 of When Fate Breaks
I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out. I close it again, tilting my head.
There really isn’t anything wrong with Matthew Hollis. I mean, he’s a bit more All-American-boy-next-door-sunshine-frat-boy-quarterback than the guys I’m typically attracted to, but there’s no valid reason on paper at least as to why I shouldn’t want to go on a date with him. He’s nice. Smart. Outgoing. Looks at me like I hung the moon,apparently. I ignore the pinch in my chest and push away at the obvious answer at the forefront of my brain. It’s not about who Matthew is.
It’s about who heisn’t.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” I finally answer Riya.
“I think you think too much,” she replies, shrugging her shoulders before turning back to her computer.
I blow out a breath, running my hands over my hair.
Yeah, tell me about it.
I straighten suddenly, grabbing for my bag and digging through it to find my cell phone. I’ve been so stressed and frantic over the presentation that I haven’t even looked at my phone this morning.
1 New Message.
My heart skips a beat as I swipe open the notification. I immediately slump in my chair, with some guilt, however, when I see it’s from Leah.
Blake’sgood morningtexts haven’t been a daily occurrence for well over a year now, but, even with their most frequent timing now being more like once a week, it hasn’t stopped me from getting my hopes up.
Every morning.
I haven’t seen Blake Di Fazio since the morning after Kyle’s funeral, when Steph lightly shook me awake after finding me in his bed, Blake and I still wrapped around each other in the exact same position we had fallen asleep in.
She had told me Mom and Dad were asking for me but that she had covered for me, saying I was in the bathroom and not feeling well. We had to leave for the airport in twenty minutes. Another visit with Blake that was entirely too short.
I had looked back at him, still fast asleep, his head resting lightly on the pillow and his arm draped on the open portion of the bed I had just been laying on. I raised my hand to wake him up and say goodbye but then stopped. Aside from the dark circles still present under his eyes, this was the first time Blake had actually looked like himself since we’d been here. Not an ounce of pain was present on his face. He actually looked…peaceful.
I couldn’t bear to wake him up. I rubbed my hand once over his curly brown hair and, before I realized what I was doing, leaned over to place a light kiss on his temple before crawling out of the bed. I had felt Steph’s eyes on me, but she didn’t ask any questions, and I didn’t offer any answers. I don’t think either of us needed to. We were sisters. She knew.
After the funeral, I tried my best to stay in touch with Blake, but things were different. He was hurting and distant and I was busy and hesitant to overstep again. He’d still text megood morningmost days, but that slowly trickled out. I’d message him often to let him know I was thinking of him and remind him I was here for him. Sometimes he’d reply, sometimes he wouldn’t. And from time to time, sometimes more frequently than I was comfortable with, I’d get a very late and most definitely alcohol-induced phone call from Blake. I’d always know it was one of those because he’d always start the phone call the same way. No ‘hello’.
Evangeline, I need you.
And I’d be there. Sometimes he’d vent. Sometimes he’d cry. Sometimes we’d sit in silence. It didn’t matter. Whatever helped him.
Blake was still working for the landscaping company, which turned out to be the best thing in his life. It occupied his mind and gave him purpose. It brought him joy. The occasional text messages with pictures of projects he was working on absolutely made my day. He was in his element. If only the work days could be longer.
I’ve missed Blake so much, and I know he’s missed me, but we just haven’t been able to make visiting one another work. As much as my parents insisted we’d still regularly see Blake and Emily, I knew it would never be the same. Emily and my mom had always been friendly, but Kyle was the glue. His friendship with Dad was what held our families together. Without their weekly phone call and Kyle’s constant persistence about making plans, I knew our family visits were bound to fizzle out. The only other reason for my family to go to Lake Placid was Grammy and, with Steph being so busy with high school and me being so busy with college and my parents being busier than ever with the store, she had made it a point to come and see us in Ramer for the holidays. With all of that considered, it became obvious the only way Blake and I would be seeing each other was if we took it upon ourselves.
Unfortunately, right after Kyle's funeral, college for me got insanely busy and never slowed down. Between classes and tutoring and extracurricular activities and my minimum wage on-campus job and my minimal attempt at a social life, I had absolutely no time (and, realistically, no money) to make a trip to Lake Placid. Blake was dealing with the same issues, only different. Although he adored his job, he worked long hours and was putting the work in to climb the ladder. He worked basically every Saturday and even some Sundays. The pay wasn’t bad, but not nearly enough for how hard he was working. Blake wasn’t stressed about it though. He loved his job and knew what he was signing up for.
Crap work equals crap pay. I’ll get there eventually,he had said.
Blake was smart. He had saved nearly every penny he made his first two years and, combined with a courteous loan from Kyle’s bank, managed to buy a small house five minutes down the road from Emily. Though it was a great investment, and an adorable little place from the pictures Blake had sent me, it meant he had very little left over money after paying his monthly mortgage and utility bills for travel. Not that he’d even had the time to do so.
So, before we knew it, one year apart verged into nearly three.
Even though we spoke less frequently nowadays, I never thought about Blake any less. That boy had taken up residence in my heart long ago and there was no way a little time apart and strained communication was going to change that. Our time was coming any day now. If I could just get this position in New York, secure a solid salary, and get paid time off– I knew that’s all it would take. All the pieces from there would just fall into place.
In the meantime, however, as perfect as he might seem on paper, I simply don’t have the time or desire to invest in Matthew Hollis. Or any other guy for that matter.
I let out a sigh, looking back to my phone. The preview for Leah’s text notification shows several hearts and the start of a message.
Leah:Hey, rat! It’s your…
I move my thumb to open the message, but someone’s voice catches my attention.
